Collaborate without boundaries

February 9, 2018

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God, please take this thorn from my side.

I picked the kids up yesterday after work. I had to take Trinity to her therapy appointment. Nick, of course, refused to go again and Caleb said he didn't want to go sit in the lobby for an hour waiting on Trinity. I didn't mind because Caleb is a very good kid and he completely understands that I am doing the best I can in this situation and I know he loves me very much. Nick will realize one day that I'm the only one that ever fought FOR him. Caleb just asked me to bring him back some food, which I did.

The kids asked me if they were going to get to talk to the judge and I told them I thought they would. I told them to be sure and tell the truth when they do. They said "We always do" but I told Trinity that a couple years ago she told the judge that I hit her mother and that wasn't true. She said that she never said that and I told her it was written in the court documents that she did. She got mad and said she didn't want to talk about it anymore so I just reminded her to tell the truth as she knows it. Not what someone else tells her to say or what she thinks. Just the truth. She ended up being in a terrible mood the rest of the evening until I stopped at Burger King and bought her some food. Typical Trinity- the way to her heart is through her stomach.

I saw something pop up on Nick's Facebook status that said "Do you still have those two XBoxs?" I thought it was very strange and I have no idea what it was about. I'm sure it has something to do with the two that he stole from the house when he ran away.

We had fun during the drive listening to music but when I dropped them off and drove away alone it almost killed me. It's so difficult. I don't think I will ever understand how someone can do this to their children or another person they loved. It's cruel and it's evil. My heart is at a loss. Forever broken.

I also bought Nick and my wife something to eat and had the kids take it to them. I refuse to stop loving either of them. I will do what is right all the days of my life.

When I got back to my friends house I prayed for my wife. I pray for her many times every day. Asking God to keep her and protect her and to move her heart to understand love the way He intended it. I told Him that I don't want to be selfish and if it is His will for me to be alone then I accept, but I really want my wife.

I am trying to be still and let God handle all of this so my children can see that I did the very best I could when faced with calamity.

  • Continue to believe the best. But, even if the worse happens, and a  d is finalilzed by the court, you know how often divorced couples remarry.  And you know God  has written the marital vows on her DNA, so she will have a hard time ever getting rid of the knowledge she is married to you.  

    As you miss your  wife, let God fill that void.  And it will  suffice.

    The pain you feel is purifying you to a more holy person that you are called to be.  Let all things happening be sufficient for now and endure with Christ.  He is hurting with you.  And then let Him lead you to joy no matter what she chooses to do.

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