Collaborate without boundaries

February 8, 2018

  • Comments 4

After work yesterday I went to Taco Bell to hang out for a while until church since I can't go home. While I was there Becca texted me and said she told her mother she is not going to church. I told Becca that I would be at church. Becca then told her mother that I was going then texted me a screenshot of her mother's response. Her mother said she was going to change things up a bit and stay home and watch a spiritual movie and have popcorn, which did not happen. Becca said they did not do anything at all. She said her mom had their grandma go get them pizza and that was it. Becca added that "She literally can't do anything herself she always has to have mommy and daddy do everything for her" (referring to my wife.) It IS annoying to me that almost every time I talk to the kids one or both of my in-laws are at my house. During the six months I took care of the kids when my wife deserted us I didn't have any help besides my mother-in-law being there from 3-5:00pm after school until I got home from work. I didn't even need that or want that but my wife insisted that her mom be there. My older children get paid to babysit other people's kids so I feel they are fully capable of babysitting their own younger siblings for a couple of hours.

Then Aleigha called me. I finally got Nick's old phone erased and set up for her. She was upset because her mother said she wasn't going to let her go to church because I was there. She asked me to pick her up but I told her that was not a good idea right now. I just can't take a chance on anything being used against me in court. Then she called our preacher and asked him for a ride but when he got there my wife would not let her go with him. Her mother told her she is not allowed to be around me and that by not letting her go she was protecting me from getting into legal trouble. Aleigha also said that Nick told her he was there in court and heard the judge say I'm not allowed around the kids. I told Aleigha that Nick was there but not in the court room and he did not hear the judge say anything. Unless I misunderstood the agreement I do not believe I have to stay away from my children. My attorney made an agreement with her attorney that I would not communicate with my wife or go around her or my house. There was nothing said about me seeing my children in public, especially at church.

As hard as it is and as unfair as it seems I am fully cooperating with my wife. With what SHE says. Even though I don't think she is correct. I miss being with my kids every evening. I keep having a fear that something will happen to them and I won't be there to protect them, whether that be an accident or my wife hitting one of them, which I believe is unlikely, but possible since she has done it before. I'm still not understanding how my wife voluntarily stayed away for days at a time for six months.

I'm also still confused on how this whole legal system works. It doesn't make any sense to me to have Nick in court to testify against me when it is obvious to anyone with any intelligence at all that this kid is not credible and he's only against me because I took his phone and Xbox and grounded him. His Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) diagnosis should speak for itself in this. He's 14, drinks, smokes, does drugs, disobeys his parents and teachers, makes terrible grades in school, steals things from his family, friends and teachers, sneaks out all the time and has no respect for any kind of authority. He needs help in the worst way and no one besides me even seems to care. I still haven't heard anything from the prosecutor about the incorrigible petition I submitted to them last Wednesday (1/31/18) and unless this kid gets help soon I believe things are only going to get worse.

Aleigha told me she got $5 for her tooth that fell out the other day and she laid it on the bathroom counter and it came up missing. I can't prove anything but I would bet my life that Nick stole it. He's notorious for stealing the other kids money. That's why I had to start bank accounts for my two oldest so they would not have to leave money laying around.

Throughout this whole process over the last nine months my wife's exaggerations of incidents that have happened between us have started to turn into completely made up lies. I can't believe she says that I have hit her in the past and she's afraid I'll do it again. She told the police multiple times on May 24, 2016, when we were arrested for allegedly beating our son, that I had never hit her or our children. The police kept pressing her to say I did but she told them over and over that I didn't. She told the truth. Then throughout the CPS trial she told the court the same thing. That I had never hit her or the kids. Now she is saying that I did. She never reported anything to anyone. Not even family members. The only time I have ever touched her is sometime around 2015 when she was trying to leave the house while intoxicated and drive away. I stopped her and in the process of chasing her down we fell against our picnic table and she got a bruise. I did not intentionally harm her. I was trying to save her. The truth is I've never hit her or my kids. I've only spanked my kids a handful of times between them all. I do not let my anger dictate my actions.

Another truth is on April 30, 2017, the night she walked out on the family, she tried to say I hit her but Becca saw the incident in which she claims I did. Becca can testify that her mom was intoxicated and that I didn't even touch her. I told my wife that I had never hit her and she knew it and in fact she had attacked me twice during our marriage. She said "Yea but you're a guy and it didn't hurt you." I said it hurt my feelings and asked her what she thinks she is doing and she said "I'm going to rip this family apart." That all happened in front of her parents and our kids while we were trying to get her calmed down. She was so out of control that night she was saying many hurtful and made-up things.

No matter what anyone thinks I have no bad feelings for my wife. I love my wife. I truly believe she is going through a terrible time and some kind of mental illness has affected her to the point that she is making bad decisions. She is destroying this family and I am trying to keep it together but for some reason the world wants to point the finger at me because I am telling my children that divorce is wrong. I will continue to pray for my wife and my kids with the hope that someday she will begin making the right choices for the family. Until then I have to continue to do what is right and protect them all.

  • Keep doing what you are doing.  And God will guide you.  Even when you don't feel guided by Him, He is.  

    When your flesh feels determined to do something, it will often be you wanting to take control and force something to happen, be it draw a line in the sand to give an ultimatum to her, or to do something to alleviate the stress or  hurt.

  • But when you have these feelings or thoughts, you need to remember to Be still and know  He is God, and keep the control in God's hands.  so often, the more we do the more we mess up God's work.  

    I don't see you doing anything to take control or get in God's way, you are doing great at keeping the control in God's hands.  Keep this up.  

    I don't see it and you don't as well see how God is working in your trial as far as how things will be resolved one way or another, but, you know He is  there.

    It is  so often so much easier to tell someone to trust God in their trials, but so much harder at times to keep trusting Him in ours when it feels like things keep dragging on and no changes happen, or things keep getting worse.

  • But when you have these feelings or thoughts, you need to remember to Be still and know  He is God, and keep the control in God's hands.  so often, the more we do the more we mess up God's work.  

    I don't see you doing anything to take control or get in God's way, you are doing great at keeping the control in God's hands.  Keep this up.  

    I don't see it and you don't as well see how God is working in your trial as far as how things will be resolved one way or another, but, you know He is  there.

    It is  so often so much easier to tell someone to trust God in their trials, but so much harder at times to keep trusting Him in ours when it feels like things keep dragging on and no changes happen, or things keep getting worse.

  • The more you stay still, trust God, and keep things in His  capable hands, the more chance that God's work comes to fruition.  Where she slows down and ends up stopping all the lies, manipuations, tearing apart the family, etc.

    The hieight of this trial where she is just physically and mentally ripping everyone to shreds is tough to take.  but is an opportunity to keep growing in God, for you as well as your children.  The children will remember more of your walk than the foolish things she is doing.  and that is good.  

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