Collaborate without boundaries

February 6, 2018

  • Comments 3

I talked to the kids a little last night. I told Aleigha she could have Nick's phone since he is grounded forever from electronics. I can't let him have any way to contact the kids he sneaks out to get in trouble with. The problem is that Nick won't tell us what the passcode is on it so we can't get it unlocked. So I'm working on a solution for that. Another problem is that since I am not in the house my wife is letting Nick do whatever he wants. He is using Xbox's and playing on people's phones. I told the kids to remind her that he is grounded from all of that and she told them that he is ok to continue. So I have no authority right now. I believe she is letting him do whatever he wants so he will not turn against her like he did me when I grounded him a couple weeks ago.

The kids were asking me a bunch of questions about what happened in court and what is going to happen. I told them I was not allowed to tell them anything. I didn't tell them that the reason for this is because their mother keeps blaming me for them not wanting to be with her but those are the lies she is telling her attorney. They asked me if they were going to get a chance to say what they want in court and I told them somehow yes they would. If they don't get to talk to the judge directly then I will have to get them an attorney to speak for them.

Three of the kids,(Caleb, Becca and Aleigha) do not want to go with their mom. Again, this kills me because I don't think a child should have to choose between their parents or be split between their parents. Their parents should be grown up enough to fix their relationship. This is needless suffering for the children. Trinity told me she doesn't care who she goes with. She usually does what Nick wants because they are biological siblings separated by only one year and since Nick hates me right now it is pulling her in two different directions because she does know right from wrong. Trinity asked me why we can't just do this nicely and I told her that is impossible because I firmly believe that divorce is wrong and I can not agree to it. If my wife wants to do this knowing full well it is the wrong thing to do then I have no choice but to fight her and show my kids that I stand for marriage.

Trinity and Nick are also talking to their biological parents. My wife and I have tried to stop this over the years but with social media it is impossible. I actually chatted with their bio mom yesterday and told her what is happening. Apparently she has been telling Nick that she would like for him to come visit her on the weekends. She told me she thought that could help get him under control. So even now, after years of telling him that he can't go back to his bio parents, I believe he still thinks that it is possible. He told me a few weeks ago that as soon as he turns 18 he is going back to them.

I don't look forward to our first d hearing next Tuesday. My attorney is going to make my wife look like a terrible mother because she deserted the family for about six months. And instead of helping me last weekend when I was trying to take Nick to the police she used it as an opportunity to gather evidence against me. I don't want to hurt my wife but I don't think she is in her right mind and I feel like I have to protect my children from her. Last night Aleigha was Facetiming me and I could hear my wife in the background acting as if life is just fine. I had to hang up because it hurts me so much that she can just go on like nothing is wrong. I know in her mind she thinks everything is fine but in reality many people are suffering. I have to listen to the kids complain about her almost every day and it gets old, especially right now since I can do nothing to help them besides talk to them on the phone.

Yesterday my attorney told me that I have went seven days without seeing my kids and I just need to go eight more. That may be easy to say but living it is pure hell. I miss my kids so bad. I don't know how my wife did this for months.

I have to ask this question again: How can a person who once loved you to the core of their being do this to you? How?

  • She will put on a show acting like everything is fine.  She may become  dramatic at times forcing laughter and acting like she is having fun when you are in ear shot.  She may sound like she's on cloud nine.  But inside, she knows things aren't the way they should be.  And she will try to ignore that, along with God's conviction.  But the more she does, the more the conviction piles up and lingers upon her.  

  • When you hear her acting maybe even giddy, just feel sorry for her, realizing it is a sham.  

    The way your wife thinks she can walk away from past problems she doesn't want to deal with and to walk toward happiness is similar to what your  son is doing when he says he wants to move in with his bio parents.  

    Both of them  are just frustrated with the life they are choosing to live and think a change of living arrangements is the solution to finding happiness.  Both just need to realize that letting go of their free will and following God's will is the solution and will bring them  God's joy, which is  so much better than the elusive happiness the world promises.

  • I don't know if the last question you asked can really be answered.  Walking  away from God (even if still going to church)?  Seeking happiness over God's joy?  Looking at life as a drudgery in that she has to work, take care of  kids and cooking and  laundry and cleaning a house?  And that walking away from  this is  a way to escape the  drudgery and responsibility?  

    Sometimes we just have to file all this away into a file labeled unexplainable.  

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