Collaborate without boundaries

January 31, 2018

  • Comments 3

First off I want to say that even with all the things that have been happening to me in my life I still feel a serious calmness inside my chest where I used to feel tightness and a heavy weight. The Lord has blessed me with great health, a job and many other things in which I do not deserve.

So I didn't do much yesterday since I'm not allowed around my family. I went to my parents after work and watched the State of the Union Address and went to bed there. I talked to my kids a little. Everything seemed to be going well for them. Caleb stayed in his room and didn't talk to anyone since he blew up on his mom the day before. Becca sent me a screenshot of a conversation with her mom. Her mom wanted her to come home but she didn't want to. Her mom told her she had to so she did. My attorney advised me not to have any interaction with Nick. I told Trinity I loved her and she texted "love you" back but that's all we said to each other. She is really close with Nick because they are biological brother and sister so she typically sides with Nick or whoever is giving her what she wants at the time. Aleigha called me from the home phone a couple times to talk and Allison was with her. I talked to them some. They said they miss me. Allison cries and says "Daddy when are you coming home?" I can't lie to my child and let her think I'm staying away from her on purpose so I told her I'm not allowed to see her. She's five years old and doesn't understand what is going on. I don't know what to say if she asks me why I'm not allowed to see her. It breaks my heart.

I turned in the incorrigible petition on our son to the prosecutor's office today. My heart was beating twice normal. No parent wants to do this to their child but I have been left no other choice. If he doesn't get help soon he is going to end up in prison or dead. I was told that the prosecutor would look over it and call me. My wife did not want to do this but my attorney said I could do it without her consent.

My mom told me last night that when my wife came to check on my grandmother, who lives with my parents, a couple weeks ago (because she was her nurse before she got her new job) that my wife's friend also came. My wife's friend is my grandmother's physical therapist. So my wife and her friend were there checking on my grandma. My mom said, after my wife left, the physical therapist stayed to do her job and my mom asked her if she knew what was going on with my wife. My wife's friend said that she hasn't said much about the situation but in the last few months she has started to think that my wife is not being totally truthful. So my wife's friends are starting to see through her facade. This is just information that came to me. I can honestly say that I have done absolutely no snooping and I just trust in God to show me the way.

I also found out that Nick did not go to school today. Apparently he told my wife he was sick and she let him stay home from school. I guarantee he was lying and was up to no good. My daughter said when she got up this morning he was not even in the house. I'm guessing he snuck out to do something mischievous. I told my wife last week that we got a letter from the school for truancy and we can go to magistrate court if he keeps missing school. She's in her own world though and won't listen to any kind of reason.

  • During this phase, try focusing on yourself. I truly believe that sometimes space is what we need to really listen to what God is trying to tell us.  I know that when things get rough for us, I try to remember what brought us together in the first place. The feelings and emotions that we had, the excitement.  

    It's easy to lose those in a relationship with all of the yucky life stuff.  

    I'm glad to hear that you have a connection with your kids still.  Just make sure you are following the court order.  The last thing you want is to lose that relationship!

  • Yes, people around your wife will eventually if not already see she is not  on the up and up.  and your wife will realize this, although she may try to ignore it or keep justifying her actions to  herself.

    I was listening to Catholic radio yesterday afternoon.  and a segment came on.  I psychiatrist I believe.  He has I think 8 kids, many or most adopted.  From what I  got of what he said, is that about 50% of older kid adoptions work out.  And  so many can cause great difficulty.  as you know.  And he had a son he had to turn over to the authorities and I don't think this child  of his ever came back.

    Feel no guilt over what you had to do.  It was best for the rest of the family as well as him.  You protected the family the best and only way you could.

  • Thanks. It's a relief to hear that this kind of thing happens. My other adopted children are great except for this one. He is just impossible to manage and I think this contributed greatly to the problems with our marriage.

    Mandi I will keep my head up and follow the court order and continue to love and pray for my wife and children. Thank you.

    Tim, thanks for the comforting words. As you know I get intermittent feelings of giving up because this situation is so intense. Thanks to you guys and the support group I have in my life I am able to make it through each day.

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