Collaborate without boundaries

R2 Day 24 Love vs. Lust- Done

  • Comments 9

I have given up every lustful thing in my life. I made a list during the first round. I identified the problems and I have been able to resist the devil since then. I mean really resist. I haven't given into one of my lustful urges. Even though my wife does not see it, and may never, I have put her number two in my life below God. When I think about everything I have suffered since starting this 62 days ago it feels worth it because the love that I am trying (and sometimes fail at) to show my wife brings glory to God and that is all that really matters.

I got a call from our son's principal yesterday. He said that there was a rumor that our son had drugs at school so they searched his locker but found nothing. But later some other kids said our son had swallowed what he had so he wouldn't get caught. They couldn't get him to wake up in class. They teachers kept telling him to stop sleeping in class but he ignored them. I told the principal that I assumed he had melatonin since that's what I found in his room a couple nights ago that he is pretending is Xanax. The principal said something HAS to be done about him because he is distracting the other kids at school but there is nothing else they can do there. I told him I am also doing the best I can but no one seems to want to help.

I called a few juvenile centers and they said there's nothing they can do unless he is in state's custody. I also called a man whose number I got from a coworker who works for our states juvenile division. He listened to me and advised me to file incorrigibility on our son with or without my wife's consent because he has had this same experience with his own son and it will not get any better unless I get proactive and do something right now. My wife does not want to do this for some reason but our son is getting worse every day. When I confronted him last night about what happened in school he told me nothing much. I asked if his locker was searched and he said yeah because some other kids told a lie on him. I can't even count on both hands how many times I've been called by the school and been told that he did something and then he explains it to me that some other kids are making stuff up about him. I told him that it just doesn't make any sense for him to constantly be in trouble because people are "making stuff up."

I told my wife everything that I did today and what people recommended to me and asked her if she could take him to the hospital after she got off work. She said not tonight because she was tired. So I said I would take him and I told him to pack his stuff. He said he wasn't going anywhere with me so I said I would call emergency services. Then he wanted to call my wife, which he did and he said she told him he didn't have to go. I said she's the one who told me to take you a couple days ago. He called me a liar so I showed him the text she sent that said to take him. Then he got mad and said she was just nice to him on the phone. I told him that I only want to help him and that seemed to make him really mad because he started verbally bashing me, which is exactly what the guy from the juvenile division told me he would do. He said our family would be perfect and have no problems if it weren't for me. I just told him he needs to think about what he says before he says it. I'm not going to lie, it was very painful to me. He has been my son for eight of his fourteen years and I have done everything to make his life great. I know he is just a child, and a very disturbed child at that, but he can't see how badly I want to help him and doesn't understand how destructive he is being to himself and others around him.

My wife called me and we calmly talked about what to do. She is a nurse so I trust her judgement and I told her that. She said it would do no good to take him anywhere because he would just lie and they would release him within a couple of days. She said we would talk more about it when she got home from work. She finally got home a little after 9pm and said she was going straight to bed so we didn't talk at all. She did ask me why our five year old was still awake. (She was in bed beside me playing on my phone) I said "I don't know what you expect me to do. She's in bed but she's not sleepy. I can't make her sleep." Since my wife sleeps in her bed she has to sleep with one of us and she chooses to sleep with me most of the time.

On a side note the guy from juvenile services suggested to me that what our son really needs is simply some love from his mother. He added that this divorce is only going to make things worse and if my wife and I could reconcile it would make things much easier on him and the other kids. I agreed with him but I'm only one half of the equation.

I also called the Department of Health and Human Resources because of the report to CPS by the assistant principal to CPS. I was transferred to voicemail and left a message going on 24 hours ago. I have yet to receive a response from them. I begged them for help.

  • Did you tell your wife what the J center said? It would probably be hurtful and she would get defensive but tough love. She probably feels like she is providing for the kids by working and that is showing her love to them. Maybe she could take him out somewhere just the two of them. See a movie he wants to see or paintball.. you know whatever it is that he could have the opportunity to spend with just her and feel like she cares about him. I have the love languages book and I heard there is one for kids. Also I think there is a love dare for kids I want to start using for my own daughter. She is 7 going on 17!! Anyway stay strong, we are here praying for you.

  • I am sorry you are going through this. This phase of your son's life is so painful...even if your relationship was strong to begin with. It sounds as if you are doing the very best  you can, and trying to effect change...this will mean so much to your son when he is older. Please remember,  you are only half of what your son needs, though; don't beat yourself up because of what she is or is not doing. Continue lifting this up to God who loves your son more than you or his mother does. No matter how God works this out--praise Him. I will pray He will send exactly what your son needs right now. And as a Behavior Assistant for the public school...I have seen scenario often and know it hurts everyone involved.

  • Thank you so much. I believe I am doing everything I can. I'm afraid to say anything at all to my wife about much of anything. She gets so defensive and turns everything against me. At this point I don't even know what she has against me. Everything she has accused me of has not come to fruition and she still has the same mindset as she did nine months ago. I am just trying to be as quiet and humble as possible because when I suggest anything to her it only makes her angry.

  • YOu have to continue to do what you are doing and that is the best you can.  It is so tough when the spouse is basically absent. and so much harder with a child that had the first 6 years of life mold him in the way they did for him.  And he will use the distance your wife  is causing between you two to get at you.  

    But you need to keep filling in the best you can as father and mother when she is absent.  It is good you are including her in this situation.

  • It is so tough having a child  with this behavior.  I pray he settles down for everyone's sake.  It is such a trial in itself.  and to compound this trial onto the marital trial would drive the average person to despair or completely to the world's way of becoming selfish and just looking out for himself while abandoning the family.

    but you have answered God's call and are being the father and husband you need to be.

  • Somehow, someway, God always has an out of every trial for every person that  does his best to do His will.  And He uses everything for the good of those that love  Him.  He can even use this for the good of this child.  

    And  the additional stress of this surely feels like it can  become the central part of what's holding the marriage back at times.

  • I pray someone, somewhere can come to your aid with words and actions to help you and this child.  God may be using this to bring this child to rock bottom so that he will look at  Christ and seek Him  like  we all are doing in our trial.

  • This is can be an exhausting time for you.  but God brings rest to those that lean on Him.  There is a verse about God bringing rest to those, and that His yoke is  light.  I pray He lightens the  yoke for you soon.  

  • I doubt you are doing this, but just a thought.  About the dare and lust.  Just make sure you are not  lusting for  a solution for your son.  Meaning that you aren't wanting a solution so badly that you are temporarily putting the desire for a  solution above your  desire for  God in your life.  

    Again, I am not thinking you are doing this.  

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