Collaborate without boundaries

R2 Day 23 Love Always Protects- Done

  • Comments 6

I got a text around noon from my wife that our son was not at school. Here's the text:

Her: Nick didn't go to school Trinity says he wants to kill himself. The best thing we can do is go get him and take him to Highland (a mental hospital) or River Park (another mental place) for an evaluation. I can't leave work since I just started. Not sure if you can take him. I feel with the drugs they may keep him. (He tested positive for THC a few months ago from a home drug test I gave him and he is smoking and drinking)

Me: I told the lady (I called at a group home earlier) that he wanted to kill himself and was in Highland before. She said that route usually only lasts for 2-3 days. I can't leave work today. Is he home now? Should I call the police to try to go get him?

Her: The police can't get him. He's home. They can't arrest him or make him go to school. You could call that officer from last night and ask, but I'm sure they won't be able to do anything. I'll have my mom go up early if possible and keep an eye on him.

Me: I could go home on my lunch and have the police meet me there.

Her: I'm not sure what that will really accomplish. He's not really scared of the police. Letting them know would be helpful.

Me: I mean to protect myself if I go to get him to take him to school.

Her: I guess

So I take my 30 minute lunch to go home which is about 10 minutes away. I look all over my house and can't find him but the house smells like smoke. I yelled for him but no answer so I leave and go to the school. The school says he has not been there and also tell me that Trinity is not at school either. So then I really start panicking. The assistant principal, Mrs. Carroll, called another student to the office to try to help locate them. We found out that they were at our house. So I head back home and they are in my bedroom. The one place I didn't look. I find out that my wife told Trinity she could stay home since she was sick but no one made me aware of this. I told Nick that he needs to come with me so I could take him to school but he refused to go. I tried for about five minutes to talk him into going but I had to go back to work so I couldn't stay there all day with him. I went straight to the police station and told them what was going on and they said there was nothing they could do .They did tell me that if he didn't go to school I could end up in magistrate court and get fined and get jail time. They said all I can really do is journal exactly what I am doing in case it comes to that. So I had to go back to work after being gone for over an hour. I texted my wife this:

Me: Waste of time. I didn't know Trinity was home sick. When they said she wasn't at school I thought she was skipping also. Our house smells like smoke. Nick refused to go to school.

Her: Great. Tell that police officer.

Me: I did. They said there is nothing they can do. But if it goes to truancy we can go to jail. They told me that.

Her: I think we would have to be doing nothing to try to get him to go. We are calling the police. We need to keep at it.

I had a security meeting at church after work so I got home about an hour later than usual. I made dinner for the kids and we sat down at the table to eat but I am the only one that ate because my mother-in-law had fed them earlier even though for weeks I have told her not to feed them big meals so we can eat dinner together. I told her they can snack but she fed them a full taco meal before I got home. So we just sat there and talked for a few minutes then I let them go back to their business.

I got our five year old bathed and ready for bed and my wife texted me at 7:25 asking me if I could get her in bed by 8:00. By the time I saw the text at 8:02 I responded saying she was already in bed. She has been telling me not to watch "Do You Believe?" until she can watch it so I told her I wanted to watch it then and she said she couldn't because she only got four hours of sleep the night before. I understood that because that's about all I got with what happened with our son. I told her some other time then. My dilemma is that if I watch this movie without her she will use it against me and if I wait I may never get to watch it. Anyway at 9:30 she texted me from upstairs that our 10 year old needs to go to bed. (She was downstairs with me because my wife sleeps in her room and our daughter says she doesn't want to go in her own room because of that) I told my wife that she had been asleep on the couch for about an hour now. She said "Ok good. They were hard to get up this morning." My wife always says the kids are difficult in the mornings, but with the exception of Nick, who is always difficult, I have NEVER had a problem with them in the morning.

For the dare I have already let go of any addictions- drinking, cursing, etc. What I did think of could be considered an addiction I suppose. I sent our preacher this: Amber told me Sunday that she had to go to the ATM to get money to give to the No Hunger Food Pantry. All I could think about is Matthew 5:23 (which says before you give you should settle your troubles with your fellow Christians- which I feel like applies to my wife.) I spend too much time analyzing behavior like this. She told me all I do is tell her what she is doing is wrong. And it's true. True that I tell her and true that she is doing what is wrong. But she knows that so I don't need to tell her. I need to know how to pray about this. How can I stop judging her? And stop blaming her?

The dare is done. I know what I need to do. I need to fully love her unconditionally. Without pointing out her faults. It's hard because she is always pointing her finger at me.

  • And her finger will even point at you when you do nothing wrong. Remember how Jesus didn't really defend himself to Pontius Pilot?  Do the same with her, don't worry about defending yourself.  It isn't fair, but you defending yourself is not going to help. And I know you do bite your tongue, just trying to remind you to continue.

    Wish I had words to help you with your son.  IT's not like you can pick him up and carry him into school.

    Show unity with her and appreciation for what she asked, that you not watch the show without her.  

  • That was good that you had everyone sit for even a short while although they had already eaten.  

  • Seems like some time management strategies could be implemented to have more energy to deal with these issues ( your wife especially). This helped ALOT for me. I am more able to handle issues one at a time in a much calmer manner. Before it was "I dont have time for this!" I shaved off areas of my day I did not need and started waking up a little earlier to have alone quiet time with God.

  • I agree. I have changed my schedule and cut a lot of stuff out in order to have dinner time as a family and more time in general to spend with the kids. She, however, just took a new job that is an hour away (her old job was 15 minutes away) So now she is gone for 10-12 hours for work. She has no time to spend with family at all.

  • I feel your pain . I had trouble with my daughter growing up . Had to call the police to bring her home sometimes. the police were very helpful. 10 yuears later she thanks me for being strict and not giving up on her. She is a wonderful mom now. So don't give up !! it all takes time ,and time is the hardest thing to wait for sometimes. I'm praying for you !! Much love to you .

  • Thanks Rick. Appreciate it.

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