Collaborate without boundaries

R2 Day 22 Love is Faithful- Done

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My life just keeps getting more complicated. I did text my wife yesterday and told her, as the dare said, that I choose to love her. Period. Even if she doesn't return the love. Dare done.

Then the devil started working. I got a call at work from the middle school that my 14 year old son had been caught on social media posting pictures of himself driving a car and drinking a beer. We got him when he just turned seven and adopted him and his two younger sisters a little after that and he has a lot of baggage. We have tried to help him over the last seven years but he refuses to accept help and things keep getting worse and worse. On May 24, 2016 he accused my wife and I of beating him (which is a lifetime of a story in itself.) We both went to jail, lost our jobs, lost our children for six months and spent $50,000 fighting CPS to get them back and since then our lives have forever been turned upside down. The assistant principal at the middle school mentioned CPS and I panicked. I let my brother-in-law know and he called me last night and said I have to stay strong and be a father and take charge of this now, before it gets any worse.

I got home and my older son had a Taco Bell gift card and asked me to go get him something with it so I did. He also told me he had been arguing with his mom about getting mad at me for things lately. He told her if she was home more often then it would be easier for me to parent them. She said she didn't know what he was talking about because she has been home everyday for the last month. He responded with "Ok, now I can't take you seriously anymore" and that's the last thing he said to her. He told me he can't talk to her anymore because she makes no sense at all. This was the first I had ever heard this. I had no idea they have been texting each other about this stuff.

Then I went upstairs and was folding clothes when she came through the front door and gave me a thumbs up and a nasty smirk. I asked what that was all about as she walked off and she said "Nothing, I just got my tooth fixed." I feel like it was more than that, like maybe she blames me for what our son said to her but, as her brother told me when I was talking to him, I can't concern myself with the reasons why she is doing things. I can only do what is right and fair.

I went to our sons room later and told him that because of what happened I had to take his phone. He gave it to me but tried to argue that what he did wasn't so bad. I told him it was and we would talk more about it later. I took the phone to my wife and told her I took his phone and she could keep it as long as she saw fit and he didn't know I was giving it to her so as far as he knows I have his phone. Then, I guess, she went to talk to him. I don't know what about but about an hour later, before I went to bed, I went to check on him and his room was destroyed and he was gone. He broke a wooden chair, knocked a hole in his wall, tipped his television over and climbed out his window. So I went upstairs and woke my wife up and told her I was calling the police.

So the police came and asked as many questions as they could to help figure out where he might be. I told them about the school calling and showed them a random picture someone texted me with him doing other inappropriate stuff. My wife told them that he has been good lately and has been listening well to her but this is where I feel like she is somehow separated from reality because he hasn't listened to her at all. He actually told me Sunday that he is tired of her talking to him at all and she's wasting her time because he is not going to listen to her. He also told me he hates her guts. I just don't see where she gets that he has been listening. Then she told me I need to quiet down while we were talking to the police. I didn't feel like I was being loud at all. I just normally speak louder than most people but she takes it as some kind of anger. I don't know how I'm supposed to change that. So the police said they would look for him.

I went to his room to clean it up and I found a couple of things which were weird, a container of rubbed sage and a bottle of melatonin. I asked my older son if he had any idea why those would be in his room and he said he is selling the sage to other kids as marijuana and the melatonin as Xanax. I finished cleaning his room and a little later our 13 year old daughter, who is his biological sister, came to me and said he was outside on the curb. She said she would go talk to him to try to calm him down. She is the one person in the world in which he trusts. So she went to talk to him while I watched through the dining room window. Then the police officer pulled up and started talking to him. He was smoking a cigarette in front of the cop and the cop told him he shouldn't be doing that and a few minutes later the cop drove off. I went out soon after and told them they should come inside and he was still sitting there smoking that cigarette. His sister said he was not going to stop smoking.

They came in a little while later and he went to his room. He left his light on and I said I guess he's going to sleep with his light on and my wife said in a demeaning manner "It's not a big deal if his light is on." I don't even know why I said that but I meant nothing by it outside of making an observation so it confuses me why she would make the comment that she did. She told me to just leave him alone and we would see if he wants to talk the next day. So I went to the kitchen to clean up a bit because I didn't feel like I could sleep and my wife texted me and said I should not worry about the dishes and get some rest since I had to work in a few hours. Again, confused by the apparent concern for me.

I didn't sleep well. I woke up multiple times and once went to check on him at 2am. He was asleep in his bed but his window was wide open. I tried to reach over him and shut it but I was afraid I would wake him up and he would punch me or something so I left it open. I told my wife the next morning that I checked on him. This was the first time that she has been up at the same time as me in a long time and because of everything that happened I completely neglected to greet her with enthusiasm. I did make her coffee before I left for work though.

  • Man, few people know how hard it is on parents if adopted kids with backgrounds like this.  I'm sure you've heard people say treat him like any other kid because kids are kids.   It becomes impossible to control them if they choose to go out of control.

  • I pray he begins to understand his life will actually be easier if he took on the role of the child and looked at you as a father to honor as he should.

    The wife will smirk and jab and try to fluster you to no end.  Respond in kindness and patience and in God's comfort.  She can't win against that.  But she will try.

    Let go of the smirks and accusations of talking to loud.  It's her, not you.  Feel sorry for her that she's struggling internally.  And then pray she finds God's will and follows it.

  • The more you continue to bite your tongue, show knindness and patience the more she feels Christ's conviction.  Find peace in that.  Hat God's loving her so much He's working in her.

  • After I have been feeling like I have been doing horrible the last few days I nailed it yesterday. I was as Jesus-like as a human can be. I was calm and showed nothing but the purest love through the entire evening. I actually thought to myself at one point "With all this evil surrounding me I still see Christ above all of it." What a blessing.

  • Eddie, do not look at things as you are handling them horridly.  You are doing fine.  I only wish I didn't do all the things I did wrong in the beginning.  

    You came on upon your journey and moved down the right path quickly.  You haven't had time to let your foundation in Christ settle in yet.   I heard someone use the phrase baby Christian.  You are in or were in that phase.  As time goes on your endurance will continue to grow and you will mature in Christ and the things you feel you may have goofed in will be taken care of in your continued growth.  

  • Worry not about yesterday, look not at tomorrow's problems, and be in joy even in this trial.  And take time to thank God for how you are doing so well.  

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