Collaborate without boundaries

R2 Day 18 Love Seeks to Understand- Done

  • Comments 4

My wife beat me home for the first time in forever. I started to make dinner when I got there but she said she would so I let her. She made chef salad and left it on the counter for everyone to get their own. I was starting to feel sick so I didn't eat. I ended up going to bed early so there was no chance of a dinner together.

We did get into an argument. She told our 10 year old daughter to do her chore which started an argument between them. Our daughter told her no. Then my wife came to me and told me that I need to enforce her rules. I know to show unity I need to back my wife up but I just don't feel comfortable telling the kids to do what she says when she doesn't follow the rules herself. I told her right now I don't want to be a part of it and that we feel like she is not a part of our family and that's why the kids don't want to listen to her. That was not made up by me. That's what the kids have been telling me for months.  I told her in my eyes her problems between her and the kids is a problem she has brought upon herself. I just can't back someone up who defies all religious rules we have always stood for.

Before I went to sleep I told her that we should not be acting like we are. Like children. I told her we should be fighting WITH each other. Then this morning I told her that she put me in a bad position expecting me to yell at our daughter for her when our daughter is hurting from what is going on between us. I simply told her that she can't expect the kids to obey her when she doesn't obey God. I asked her to meet with the preacher and let him help us. 

She said that no biblical person is going to tell the kids not to listen to her and if I want to help her I can check and make sure she paid all the bills correctly. I see many things in this. She completely ignored the whole message I sent her and placed blame on me for something that didn't even happen. I didn't tell our daughter not to listen to her. I told her I didn't want to be a part of it right now because I 'm not comfortable in the situation. I told her that I felt I made a mistake by not reacting differently but also that I am human and I make mistakes. I just didn't know what to do in the moment. I told her that what she is doing is evil and we need to help each other. I told her that what she is doing will lead to destruction. She will see that now or later, but its true. I hated to say that but after talking to my brother-in-law I realize that no one out there besides me and him are going to call her out on what she is doing. Someone needs to make it crystal clear to her that what she is doing is wrong. Even though she already knows that.

Then she said I'm trying to manipulate her into doing what I say. And there was more finger pointing at me because she accused me of saying in front of our daughter that she is not part of the family.

I told her that she's not acting like part of the family because she's doing her own thing while I'm trying to keep the family together. I told her this is hurting the kids more than us and she has to stop pointing the finger at me and look at her life from a different perspective. We are flawed. We make mistakes. We sin. But I strive to better myself while she just continues in sin. I said we need to stop this destructive nonsense and take care of our family together and added that satan is winning this battle because she is letting him.

I told her the only choice she has to make is follow God or don't. If she chooses to follow God everything else will fall into place. I told her she needs to forget about last night. Forgive and move on. I promised her I would do my best not to let it happen again but I WILL lead these children in the ways of the Bible. I said I can't allow her to teach them opposite values.

My last text was:

I don't talk to the children about any of this and that is why they think I'm an idiot because all they see is me letting you "trample" me as they call it. They tell me to stand up to you but I tell them that the Bible teaches otherwise. I tell them I have faith in you. They tell me I'm crazy and if there is a God He wouldn't let this situation happen. I've never tried to manipulate you like you always accuse me of. I'm telling you the truth. I believe you are "projecting" because you have a problem manipulating me. I believe you need to see a therapist and I want to help you with that. You felt the same about me long ago and I did get help. It took a long time but I changed my outlook on life. You can too. I'm not saying I'm better than you. I'm not but I see you need help and I'm telling you that. Just like you did for me. I love you.

I want my wife to get help.

  • Are you following emotions when not enforcing the child to do her chores?  You mention religious rules.  What about the rule of honoring your mother?  Did she honor her?  Yes, she may not be acting like she earned any honor, but the kids still need to not treat her like a second class citizen.  Was  not backing your wife showing the daughter to show kindness or patience?  Or was this showing the daughter how not to tolerate/

  • What if your boss is acting opposite of what a christian should, would you not follow his directions to save a job, or would you say, i am not doing this project since you do not follow religious rules.

    Your wife did not ask your daughter to do anything that would go against Christ, so what she asked was acceptable.

  • Didn't Jesus say to his followers listen to what the pharisees teach, but do not follow their example?  Apply this to the children and your wife. If she teaches or tells them something that is okay then they need to listen and do what she asks.  But they are not to follow her example if it is not of God.

  • You have made it clear to her she is in the wrong.  Now, let God use that.  I bet your wife feels like all she is getting is condemnation.  Now, as you continue the dares, focus on showing, not telling, what the dares are teaching. Above all, kindness and patience to show Christ's love for her.

Page 1 of 1 (4 items)