Collaborate without boundaries

R2 Day 17 Love Promotes Intimacy- Done

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I don't believe in coincidences. I believe everything happens for a reason. Yesterday I got a text from the church that services were canceled. My first though was "How is God going to work on my wife like I thought He was?" I doubted God. Now I'm trying to remind myself that His ways and thoughts are higher than mine.

My wife called me yesterday and said her dentist appointment had been canceled because the office was closing for bad weather. I told her church services had also been canceled. So she said she might go get her nails done and do some shopping after work, which is in a town about 45 minutes from our house. I asked her if there were nail salons in our town and she said yes but she likes to go to that certain place. I just find it fishy because it doesn't make much sense to drive all that way and waste all that time. What I do know is that the doctor that she had (may still be having) at least an emotional affair with lives in that town. I just don't trust her or believe her and it's getting much harder to love her unconditionally when she continues to do things that defy logic.

We then had this text conversation:

Me: I would be happy to go with you this evening

Me: We could watch that movie tonight also if you want

Her: I can watch that movie with you when I get home (ignored my first text)

Her: I have to draw labs at 8am. I'll have mom get the kids on the bus if you can't stay and do it (she knows I have to go to work.) Usually I can but this is timed labs for a medication dosing. The new nurse is going with me.

Her: I'm afraid I won't be able to make it home. I may stay at moms. I'm getting ready to leave Kohl's now, what do you think?

Me: What do you want me to say? I'm disappointed

Her: About what?

Her: I only have this job for a few days and I need to set an example for the new nurse. The labs are important for dosing antibiotics.

Me: Nothing Forget it. Just my expectations

Her: I'm sorry about that

When the kids asked me where she was I told them what she told me. They were upset and said she is lying and she has to be cheating on me. Then our 14 year old son told me he texted her and told her she needs to come home and take care of his 5 year old sister. He told her he doesn't care if she ever comes home but she needs to think about the little one. I'm glad he told her what he is feeling but it saddens me that a kid could think of their mother like that and she doesn't even see the damage she is doing. The kids even said something that I've been thinking all along. They said "How can she put her own happiness above US?" So sad!

I do feel like I need to protect the children from her because what she is doing is wrong. I don't want our children thinking that giving up on marriage is acceptable. They constantly voice their opinions to me and tell me to give up on her. It makes it a vicious struggle for me. I want to do what is right in the sight of God but there are so many temptations around me that make me want to quit. I have to live every day as if she doesn't exist because I can't rely on her to be home to help with anything. And I can't tell her any of this because she twists it into something that places all the blame on me. I ask myself what in her mind makes her think what she is doing is acceptable? I feel like I need to stand up to her and tell her the absolute truth about what is going on around her. I need to stop pretending, as she does, that everything is ok.

I didn't get a chance to talk to her about anything else. From the time I got home until 11pm I was taking care of the kids. Yesterday was actually the first day in a long time that I didn't show love the best I could. I was so disappointed because I thought we were going to watch a movie together. She shared a lot of personal stuff with me about her work but I focused on her not coming home and not watching the movie.

  • Consider going back to a dare a day, no more no less.  she is your wife, and it is ok to see if she will watch a movie with you, but it is leading you to have expectations, and these expectations are getting you frustrated as they aren't being met. and the frustration is leading your flesh to become more active.  And thus you aren't letting love believe the best.  That she really likes that  nail salon better.  And evil is using this to make you worry about an affair and making you want to pull your unconditional love.

  • You need to strike your heal upon evil's head and crush it and go back to leading your heart until you desire to love her unconditionally.  

    I can't remember exactly what God said to you, but wasn't it something like  let him  deal with this?do exactly that.  Let Him deal with her, the  potential of this doctor, while you deal with your growth and trust in Him and His timing.  And as you continue this growth, your endurance will become stronger, and the  temptation to  listen to the flesh will become easier to deny.

  • the kids  see your wife misbehaving.  And they twist your arm trying to make you do something.  but you are doing something. You are standing for the marriage and this also is a direct stand for the eternity of her soul.  The kids may even want vengeance upon her. But let them know vengeance or  the penalty of her sin is for  God to dish out.  Not you or  them,   That  you and the kids must pray for their mother to find and do God's will.  

  • AS your wife neglects God's will you are like the  shepherd that brings her back to Christ.  Yet the kids are kids and think as kids  do.  let  them know you are doing the  same for her  like you do for them.  When they do wrong by sneaking, using bad language, choosing to go to bed late or sleep in instead of saying a prayer, you do not push them out as they want you to do to her.  You instead shepherd them to  Christ by being compassionate and doing your best to seek and do God's will in this. That  you promised no matter what you would not break the  marital covenant.

  • Share with the kids they should realize instead of  being mad at her that they should feel sorry for her and  pray for her. But, sharing these words can or will get back to her and  make her mad thinking you are painting a bad picture of her to the kids.  So, be cautious.  I am  just  throwing thoughts out as fast as I can type.

  • One of your kids may have a rocky marriage  and  want to give up.  and  yet, the thought will hit him how you stood for your  marriage and this testimony of  yours will give them strength to stand for his marriage.  

    God is using this  for  the children's good somehow  too.  

    it does feel like  you are being pulled apart from the kids reactions and words.  But in hearing  them say these things, Be still....And ask them to Be still....

    And explain to them how  and what  that means.

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