Collaborate without boundaries

R2 Day 16 Love Intercedes- Done

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What seemed like a short day ended up packed full of things to talk about. I read the dare early in the morning and prayed about it all day. I prayed for my wife's heart, both physically and spiritually. She has had three heart surgeries so she will always have that to contend with and I feel like her heart is not where it should be with God. The first round I thought of three areas to pray for. This time I asked God what I should pray for. As of bed time I didn't have an answer. Then I had a dream. I dreamt that I was sitting down with God having a conversation. Take this for what you will (my sub-conscience or whatever). His voice was perfect but it kept changing. I was trying to concentrate on His voice but it just kept changing. He asked me what I want. Not in general but what I TRULY WANT. I said I want my wife. Then He said "Tell her that." And I said that she would never listen. He then said let Me take care of that. You just go to church tonight (Wednesday Bible study.) Then I woke up this morning with that fresh in my mind and three things to pray for my wife just came to me concerning her heart. The physical aspect, the spiritual aspect and the overall ability to lead her heart instead of following it. I love my wife and want her to be as healthy as can be.

I asked her to watch a movie with me last night. Just me and her, but when she got home from work she said she was really tired and said she would watch the movie with me some other time but she really wanted to go rest. She said training the girl who was taking over for her since she is changing jobs is driving her crazy with questions and wearing her out. I told her that is fine.

Then she asked where our 13 year old daughter was, because she hadn't seen her. I told my wife that she went to spend the night with a friend since school had already been cancelled the next day. (I assumed she knew) She said no one told her about that. I had assumed that when our daughter asked me and I said it was ok with me that she would also ask her mother because the kids know that is how we operate. She apparently did not. I didn't say anything because I really didn't know what to say so my wife left and went to bed. I called our daughter and sarcastically told her thanks for not involving her mom. She said "I didn't ask her because she doesn't (F-word) care about us anyway." Then she immediately said she was sorry and would pray about saying that word. I told her she better. A little while later I texted my wife and  asked if there was anything I could do for her. She said there was nothing she could think of.

I feel like I'm doing a terrible job at unconditional love. I don't know what the problem is. Maybe the flesh is too strong or I'm too weak but I keep noticing things that I should be doing differently that are causing me to get nowhere with this. I pray that I can FULLY give in to God and let Him control my life and stop reacting based on what I feel like in the moment.

  • Feel your pain Eddie.  I will pray for strength for you and your marriage.  I was given this serenity prayer below with my situation of fear of telling my wife that I am changing therapists.  

    Serenity Prayer:

    Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  

  • I love that prayer. A couple years ago I actually bought a paper weight with that on it for my wife to put on her desk at work.

  • I heard something very similar.  I asked Him what should I do about her going out 5 times a week till 3 and 4 am every night.  He responded, Let Me handle that.  Very similar to what you heard.  We so often think we aren't doing anything but leaving it to God is doing so much.  

    Fantastic your daughter said she will pray about it.  wow, that is surely a testimony to your testimony that you have been building the last several months.  For a kid to announce they will pray is terrific.  Thank God for that.  

    And that was great you prayed about what you should pray for.  

  • About your last paragraph.  I sure hope you are weak.  Because this is when God is strong in you.  The strong perish.  The weak live.  

    you are loving unconditionally.  Otherwise you would have dumped her months ago.  Sometimes you cant feel the love for her.  Boy, doesn't that word, feel or feelings (emotions get the best of us sometimes?)  When you don't feel love for her, just remember to lead the heart.  And then you are in unconditional love for her.  

  • As far as you saying getting no where with this.  If you mean not geting anywhere with the marriage reconciling, well, that isn't your job. That's God's job.  If you mean you aren't getting anywhere with God, you certainly are.

    Compare the old lustful, drinking Eddie that had a gun in the wrong place to the Eddie of today that is in church, prayer, bible, good books, family time, etc.  

  • in all of this you are developing a new character in you that is in Christ. And endurance in Christ is developing.  Be patient in this endurance building.  And keep giving God the thanksgiving and praise that is only His.  

    you can do all things because of Him.  

  • So appreciated. Thanks Tim.

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