Collaborate without boundaries

R2 Day 14 Love Takes Delight- Done

  • Comments 4

My wife didn't come home last night. She said she was going to stay at her parents house because the weather was terrible and her patients lived closer to them, making it easier and safer.

The first thing I did this morning was text my wife that I had a dream about 1 Thessalonians. Especially chapter 4 verse 8. I hadn't looked at it yet so I didn't know what it said. After the text I started reading it and it starts out about sexual immorality, goes into loving everyone and ends with the coming of Christ someday.

Then after our 10 year old told me her mom wasn't going to church with us I texted her to confirm. I also texted her something I have been thinking about for the last few days. I said: "I love you so much. I hear you say the word 'want' a lot. What you want and what you don't want. I have studied about that and I know that God gives you what you NEED. Your wants often get in the way of His will. He gave you a husband and a family. We all love you. We are all hurting. The kids are really hurting. I deal with it every day. There is something I want and I pray that it is Gods will. I want you to be part of our family. To help me raise these kids properly."

She ignored that and responded with "Like I said last night I have an admission to do this morning" referring to my question of her missing church.

So my response was: "I sense a lot of anger in that statement. I can't remember everything you say to me and I can't be expected to understand everything you say exactly as you intended it. I'm trying to help you but as long as you continue to be angry and bitter and resentful I nor anyone will ever be able to help you. I'm begging you to let me serve you."

Completely ignored again and she responded with: "I'm going to my last patient then I'll be home. I'll be there in time for church."

Maybe I shouldn't bombard her with all this stuff but it's been nine months and she still doesn't want to face the problem. Her solution is still to run. I feel it is my duty as a Christian husband to call her out on this nonsense and point her in the right direction. Even if she ultimately decided to leave, it will be on her. I must do what is right according to God. If this causes me to lose every earthly thing I have then so be it. I ran from God for long enough. Now I am fully committed to Him and I will not let her move me from this. I must do the Godly thing and I cannot let our children think that her actions are acceptable. It's a catch 22 for me. I just don't know how to balance all of this.

My son talked me into playing xBox with him between church services. We were in the middle of a game when my wife walked in for the first time in two days and asked me what our daughter's punishment was. (See R2 Day 13) I told her I would talk about it later because I was in the middle of a game with our son. She said ok and walked off and then went and asked our daughter, who told me later, that she told her mom it was between us. So our daughter said she didn't tell her mom anything. My wife just can't see what this is doing to our family. I have a hard time telling the kids that they should respect their mother because of the way their she is acting, even though that's exactly what I do. I tell them not to lie to their mother and to respect her and they tell me I need to get a backbone and start looking at this realistically. That their mother, my wife, is going to do her own thing regardless of what I say or do and I need to tell her to go away and leave us all alone. They know I'm doing the Love Dare and they tell me it's stupid because a book can't fix anything. I try to remind them that I'm not doing this to fix anything or to change their mom. I'm doing this for me. To change myself and make myself a better person. Our children are 17, 15, 14, 13, 10 and 5. The older ones have a lot of opinions about this and it makes it difficult to parent them with all the division my wife is causing.

There was nothing else said about our daughter's punishment.

  • What is your reasoning for "call(ing) her out on this nonsense and point(ing) her in the right direction"? Is it because God is calling you to do this, or because you are trying to control the situation? By pointing out your wife's flaws and shortcomings, are you modeling the love and forgiveness of God? Something to think about. I have had to deal with letting go of control in a lot of areas recently. The amazing thing though, is once I got out of God's way he was actually able to start working.

  • Maybe it is control. I like to think I'm only trying to help her and lead her to Christ but sometimes I'm unsure of how to do that.

  • You mention a tough time balancing what to share with her.  If in doubt, Be still until you know it is in God's will to share.  When you feel peace in what you are choosing to do, that is a sign it is of God's will.  

    She is not backlashing at what you share, which I am a bit surprised at. But, I should  have no expectations either.  

  • could you have paused the game and talked to her? This  would have shown more unity and also that you are putting her first.  Not putting the children before her.  

    It is tough when the kids see things and say things.  Remind them about 70 X 7.  and ask them to follow the forgive us our trespasses part of the Our Father.  And let them know that just beca8se they forgive her, doen'st make her actions okay.  But that is for God to deal with, because no one else can change things right now.  But as I know you do, be careful how you talk about her and the situation.  

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