Collaborate without boundaries

R2 Day 13 Love Fights Fair- Done

  • Comments 5

My wife went to work this morning. She says this is the last weekend she will have to work since she took that new job. Hopefully she will now make it a priority to attend church regularly with the family since she should have every weekend off.

Before she left she asked me if I had seen our 15 year old daughter. I told her I hadn't but after she left for work I remembered that we had told our daughter she could stay with her friend Friday night. We were confused because the last we knew our daughter was in the house. Apparently she and her friend, who was over for the movie we watched, left after we all went to bed, without telling us they were leaving. Anyway after texting her and from what the other kids told me they saw on her social media she had in fact not gone to stay at her friend's house. She, and her friend, had went to hang out with some boys in a town about 30 minutes away. These boys had come to our town to pick them up. I texted her to call me and tell me the truth and if she did the punishment would be minimal. My wife had been texting me about her whereabouts also and said she was not happy because of what was going on. I assured her I was not happy either as  I was working on it. Our daughter did call me and even sent a text explaining everything that happened and said she felt terrible for lying to me. She was trying to get home but the boy's car had broken down and they were stranded in the other town. She said they had to sleep in the car overnight. So I ended up driving to get her. I calculated the gas money that it cost me and made her pay for that from her account. Then when we got home I made her sit with me the rest of the day and do "boring" stuff and she was not allowed to go anywhere or have any friends over for the rest of the weekend. So I took care of this with very minimal contact with my wife since she was working.

For the dare I did send my wife a picture of the rules of engagement from the first round and told her I wrote those 40 days ago and said that I have done my very best to stay true to them. I reminded her that I'm not perfect though and I make mistakes but I still love her.

Rules of Engagement:

1. I will not mention divorce

2. I will never bring up the past

3. I will never fight in public

4. I will never fight in front of the children (this did happen once however)

5. I will call a "timeout" if conflict escalates to a damaging level (should have done this when #4 happened)

6. I will never touch you in a harmful way

7. I will never go to bed angry

8. Failure is not an option. I will do what it takes to work this out

Methods of Engagement:

1. I will listen first before speaking

2. I will deal with my own issues up front

3. I will speak gently and keep my voice down

4. I will not blame

5. I will not threaten

6. I will be positive

She completely ignored everything I texted her and only texted me "What was Becca's punishment?" (our 15 year old) I didn't answer her because I wasn't sure what to say. I had already taken care of it and I really wanted a response from her about things I consider more important and didn't want to talk about our 15 year old anymore. I know there were dozens of other ways to handle it but I was not in a good mood because of her stubbornness. What do I do? I just can't seem to win. I fully believe the kids are acting like this because of what my wife is doing to our family. I can't tell her how I feel because she will not believe it and just say I'm trying to manipulate her. I'm certain it's going to get worse if we continue down this path because the kids are using this situation to their advantage to get what they want from parents who are not fighting together but who are fighting each other. The devil is winning this battle.

  • Be careful not to expect your wife to start attending church regularly. You only have control over your relationship with God, not hers. Show her by example, but let her turn to God when she is ready.

    The devil may be winning this battle, but God's already won the war. I'm curious, why didn't you and your wife discuss a punishment together? I know that you want her to talk to you about your marriage and issues related to it, because that's what you believe is the most important thing right now. Recognize the things that your wife sees as important and use that as an opportunity for unity. God can use any situation to speak to your wife.

  • I guess we didn't discuss the punishment together because she is sometimes gone for three or four days at a time and I don't feel like she is really part of the family. I get a lot of pressure from my teenage children also to stand up to her and tell her she can't just be a parent when it's convenient for her. I feel like I'm being torn in two.

  • OMJ hit upon my thought.  At least share your thought of the punishment with her prior.  Better yet, ask her if she has input.  Part of what you have learned in the dares.  Value her input.  I do understand many times you will have to come up with solutions and act upon things on your own, with the wife gone so much or acting like she's not part of the family.  

  • The daughter may have been just doing normal things teenagers do, sneak around.  Don't give evil so much credit.  God is using all of this for your good, somehow.  You may not find out how for years to come, or maybe not until you are in eternity with Him, but God uses all for the good of those that love Him.  

  • I am not saying evil isn't influencing things.  We can not deny that evil is in the world.  Your kids may be playing you both against each other, but in time I think this will become more minimal.  continue to be patient and kind with everyone in your family.  But, as you realize, that doesn't mean to let them get away with wrong behavior.  And you did not let it go unpunished with what you did, good job.  

Page 1 of 1 (5 items)