Collaborate without boundaries

R2 Day 8 Love is not Jealous

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I burnt that negative list last night and said good riddance. That stuff is in the past. Then I texted my wife and told her that the life she has built with me, even though it is rocky right now, is a great accomplishment. I told her that if we are both willing to get past this I can see beautiful things in the future. I was nothing but positive. I invited her to marriage therapy each time she texted me throughout the day and told her that I want to be there for her in this time of need and I also need her to help me. She didn't show up to therapy but I used every situation throughout the day to assure her that I love her unconditionally.

I watched the college championship game last night with my two boys and we were a little loud at times. She came home yesterday for the first time in four days. She texted me this last night:

Her: Hey its a little loud down there. Another thing that's really been hard for me for many years is the noise level late at night. I know you guys are having fun and I want you to. I was going to try to go to bed. My mouth is really bothering me. (for about three weeks her tooth has needed pulled)

Me: Sorry. I hope your tooth is fixed soon. I hope you sleep well. I miss you. I love you. Goodnight.

Me: (next morning) I really hope you slept well over our noise. I know it bothers you and we tried to be quiet but it's hard with excited kids. I know it's bothered you over the years and I want to help you with that. One thing I suggest is joining us when one of these once a year things happen. You've watched movies with us before and fallen asleep on the couch. Or wear headphones to bed. Something that used to drive me crazy is you leaving the tv on all night like I noticed this morning but that is just something you do and I accept that now because it is part of you and I love all of you. Not just the good parts. I want to help you so bad. I want to share the life I now have with you. As long as you are my wife I will support and honor you. I pray that you have the best day ever today.

Me: The next marriage therapy appointment is 1/22 @ 7pm. I really hope you will come. Our lives can be absolutely amazing. We just have to have the will to fight for that. We have to fight the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion seeking to devour us. I won't let him win. You are my primary goal. My love for you knows no bounds because I made a commitment to you. Let me serve you the way I'm supposed to.

I haven't received a response but I know she has a lot to think about now. I just want to show her that I won't give up and that my love is unconditional and in my heart I've put her where God tells me I need to.


  • About watching the game last night, depending on the time zone you are in, and I am not asking you to reveal that, but the boys could have been up pretty late if you live closer to the east coast.  And the thought came to me is wasn't she upset about the kids not getting to bed early enough?  If it kept the boys up later than it should, I do realize that this is a once a year thing, but did it show unity if it kept them up past when she wants them in bed?  Again, not saying you did.  But just wanted to share what came to mind.

  • Also, this may be just me and exposing my faults, but consider if you are sharing to much outside of the dares.  Yes, you give her a lot to think about. But what you are giving her is that getting in the way of what God is giving her?  Is this a way of trying to control her vs leaving her in GodS most capable hands?  So often doing more than the dares just pushes our spouse away.

    consider/pray about if what you share with her is giving her goodthings to think about or pushing her back or frustrating her.  

  • About 4 years or so ago, i began telling my wife I love her.  She accepted it, but never responded.  but it felt good to say it.  Then one day she said something pretty nasty to me.  I responded with I love you.  I just wanted her to know no matter what she did she knew I loved her.  She then slapped me across the face.  I again said I love you, letting her know again no matter what she did or said would not change my love for her.  She slapped me again. This went on for about 5 rounds of I love you and slaps.  

    I think I just got in her space to much pushing the I love you's when she wasnt ready for it.  And it got in her space way to much.

  • Not saying I am right.  I am sure i am often not.  But wanted to again, share a thought that's been on my mind.  

  • Man, that's a lot to think about. The boys, who are 17 and 14 were up till midnight. It didn't seem to me she was upset that they were up late. There was a two hour school delay the next morning, so considering that, they still got their eight hours of sleep. Not saying that is acceptable because I did not discuss it with her. With her coming and going as she does it's hard to consider her a part of the family right now. (What a terrible thing to say)

    I haven't been slapped in the face yet so I better be careful. It's so difficult to balance what I should and should not do.

  • I understand what you're saying about her not being part of the family.  It's like they are a guest that interrupts the family dynamics and routine and how you handle the day to day activities.  It's like they are an ungrateful or inconsiderate guest that brings stress into the household.  And she can come and go as she pleases.

    But thank God she is staying with her girlfriend and also that she is letting you know that.  

    But as she interrupts, just keep showing God's love by being patient and kind, trying to show unity. She will divide, but God brings unity, especially as you are living in the dares lessons.  

    It is a tough balancing act.  And maybe I am doing to little.  but what i have seen it seems best if unsure to Be still and know He is God and wait to see how He guides me.  

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