Collaborate without boundaries

R2 Day 2 Love is Kind- Done

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I prayed about what I could do that was unexpected. A few hours later I thought about washing my wife's feet. I feel like the Lord has been telling me to do this for a long time but I still haven't attempted it. I've been waiting for the right situation. I thought I would walk in with a bowl of water and a towel and ask her if I could do it while sharing with her the story of Jesus doing this at the Last Supper and why He did it. But.... she called me right after I got home from work and asked if I cared if she takes the girls to the mall to spend their Christmas money. It interfered with our family dinner time but I said I didn't mind. She also asked me if she could borrow the car I drive regularly because she has a patient on a bad road and may have trouble getting there. I wanted to say "It's our vehicle. You don't need to ask to borrow it" but instead I said "Yeah, no problem. Whatever you need." She also told me she accidentally used the debit card for the checking account I use instead of her own debit card for her private account. She said she would pay me back the $8 she spent at Wendy's. I told her I wasn't worried about it because what's mine is hers. I also don't get how she made that mistake when the cards look nothing alike. I'm not even sure why she still carries that card around.

Later she told me she would see how the weather turns out and if she needs the car she would stop by my work and trade me. So I made sure the car is clean, full of gas and the bass on the radio is turned down (she hates loud bass.) I also left her a pair of gloves. I think she expects me to be a jerk when she asks things like this so I thought it would be unexpected by her if I am nice about it.

My fear in this is that over the last couple months my wife sees my cooperation with her as acceptance of her decision. I don't know if I should gently tell her that I love her and I will be there for her no matter what but I DO NOT condone what is happening and I never will or I should just continue how things are. I gave my lawyer my papers yesterday to answer hers. I don't know how she is going to react when she sees my answer but I'm afraid she's going to mistake it for hatred. From the beginning of this situation I have been very clear that I don't feel like I've done anything to deserve this and I will fight for full custody of our children. I've talked this over with our preacher who says I should not ask for any more that I think I deserve. I struggled with that because as a sinner I don't feel like I deserve anything. So I mentioned that to my therapist and he said think of it as asking for what is fair instead. I think it's fair for ME to raise our kids properly and I feel it's a danger for the children to be raised by someone who makes poor decisions. Not only that, she has been physically abusive to them over the years and has never repented for that as far as I know. The children say she has never apologized to them. I must protect our children. She asked for the house, full custody of the children, and child support. I asked for the same plus alimony. I really think I have a good chance of getting what I asked for and if that happens I will feel even worse for her but I try to remember that she is the one asking for this. I want reconciliation and a Godly family. 

Our marriage therapist agrees with me (Remember she no longer attends) in that I need to protect the children physically and spiritually. And also from the mental harm she is doing to them.

What I want is for my wife to have an epiphany. To see that God is right and she is wrong. To put God above everything and her family next. She is so focused on "self" that it is hurting her family and she doesn't even see it.

I think it is so ironic that a few months ago she told our marriage therapist that she wasn't comfortable living in the same house as me because she feared I would try to kill her and two weeks ago she moved back in full time (staying in our daughters room and likely due to advice from her attorney) and talks to me like absolutely nothing is wrong. She has to see clearly that I would never harm her on purpose. I'm totally baffled. I think it all comes back to her thinking that I have accepted her decision as ok because I have been so nice lately. She has me really confused.

  • Pretty cool idea of thinking of washing her feet.  I don't think I would have the courage to ask mine that.  Said for me to have to admit that.  but, from my perspective, not saying it is right by any means, would she take you explaining the washing of the feet as you looking down on her or more "holy" than her or trying to passively put her in her place?  

    Go ahead and say, it is our vehicle.  Glad you look at it that way.

    Love believes the best, she did accidently use the wrong card.  I know I do that now and then with my business card and have to pay them back.  

  • She is maybe not expecting but half heartedly hoping you are a jerk about switching cars.  So that she can scream, see I knew you were a fake, you are the old you, not the fake new you, you claim to be.  She will want to prove her justification of her actions.  

  • worried about her seeing your cooperation as you accepting her decision.  I think that is an irrational fear your flesh has conjured up.  YOUr changes the last several months is shining Christ's light and bringing His conviction upon her and opening the door more fully open for God to work in her.  she knows your beliefs and are against breaking the covenant.

  • She probably will get mad at what you asked through your lawyer. But, she will get over it quickly.  She will just use this most likely to get a quick strike at you.  if so, be sure to do the patience and kindness thing.  

    She will see the happiness that she is trying to find through pleasing herself will fail compared to the peace and joy you have in Christ.  This is why it is crucial for you to remain a consistent testimony, yet keeping God fully in control.  

  • I guess she does know I'm against breaking our marriage covenant. That's been made crystal clear.

    As far as washing her feet and adding the explanation as to why Christ did it that would be to show that I am her servant. A servant leader. After all once Christ finished at the Last Supper He commanded his disciples to do the same to others.

  • I have no clue about this, but the thought came to me about this.  Maybe she told the lawyer she was afraid for her life due to you just so it could be documented and make a better case for her.  If so, it will be sad, considering what God says about being a false witness.

    Take your eyes off of what she is thinking and doing, she doesn't even know,  and let the confusion you feel go to the foot of the cross.  and replace that confusion with the peace of Christ that is above explaination.  

    Keep doing as you have been.  A light of Christ not hidden under a bushel basket.  She and the kids see that light, be assured of that.  

  • It may be my worries about bringing up scripture if I did with mine.  Knowing, i know, no expectations, she would think of it as me putting her down and putting myself on a pedistal.  And also me not able to put the lesson in words as well as you.  

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