Collaborate without boundaries

R2 Day 1 Love is Patient- Done

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Ok. Here we go. Round 2. I could never explain how much I've changed in 40 days. If you had know me at this time last year you would not believe I am the same person. My patience, my Biblical knowledge ,everything about me is different. I have a new purpose in life- to serve my mighty Creator. And I have been blessed beyond my own understanding. My one desire now is to have my wife back so we can be a righteous family that serves God. I will have to wait and see if that is God's will.

Being patient was easy this time around. My wife worked a midnight shift the night before and told me she was going to sleep a bit at a friends before coming home (her job is about an hour away from our house.) She got home in the afternoon and didn't say much. She cleaned the house while I watched movies with the kids. I had cleaned a lot before she got home and worked on the laundry throughout the day so I didn't just leave her to do everything. She asked me a few questions every now and then and I patiently responded with a direct and exact answer.

Then she hit me with a big one. She sat down and told me that her boss at her primary job started being really mean to her when she found out through the grapevine that my wife is going to be taking a full time position at her secondary job and will be quitting her primary job. She spent a couple of minutes telling me about how mean her boss was being and how she was reacting to it. She said she could have already walked in and given her notice to quit but didn't do that because she felt a loyalty to that job and company (LOL I know- feeling loyal to her job but not her husband. My mind almost exploded when she said that.) She said she didn't know how she should really react to the way her boss was treating her. She said her boss told her a long time ago that she should always want to better herself but now her boss is mad because she is leaving. I remained very calm and warm and just listened and when she stopped talking she just sat there and stared at me. We sat in silence for 20-30 seconds and she finally asked me what I thought she should do about her boss.

I was in such a state of confusion at this point. I don't really understand why, when she is trying to separate herself from me, she is asking for my opinion. I told her that I'm not sure what she expects me to say but she probably knows my answer. I told her that I think she needs to do what she thinks is best but she needs to show her boss love no matter what she says or does to her. I reminded her that Jesus commanded us to love everyone, with no exceptions. She just nodded, said ok and left.

In church Sunday morning, during Bible study, before morning worship we continued our study on forgiveness from a book we have been studying for a few weeks. Because of my comments in the past that ended up being passive-aggressively directed at my wife in front of the entire congregation I just sat and listened and didn't say anything. I did let my mind wander periodically because I don't feel like my wife has forgiven ME for anything. She says she has but at times she will bring up the past as if she's still holding on to it. She sat on the pew in front of me and kept turning around telling me to make the children sit up straight and I should take their electronics away if they didn't listen. I remember being exactly like them when I was their age. I wanted to be anywhere besides in church but I WAS there and I DID hear everything the preacher said. Honestly it's more of a distraction to me for her to keep telling me to correct the kids than it is for them to sit with their heads down.

I did tell them to sit up and they knew it was because their mother was getting on to me. My 17 year old son asked what her problem was and that's where I made my biggest mistake of the day. I said "She's a hypocrite. She wants you to obey while she doesn't." I put my thoughts into words at the wrong time. I just have this overwhelming belief that she should not be telling anyone what to do in church when she, herself, does not obey what God is saying to her.

Late in the evening she told me she was going to go lay down and maybe go to sleep so I told her I was getting ready to read 1 John if she was interested. She said she had to schedule patients for tomorrow and work on her notice to quit her job. She asked if I thought she should handwrite or email it. (Again- why ask my opinion?) I told her I imagine email is sufficient. Then I told her goodnight and that I love her.

  • It is crazy how they want to leave, and probably even tell some of us they can make it on there own and don't need us, yet come to us for advice on big picture things.  But, that is good.  Showing patience and kindness in these moments is just one more way of showing unity.

    Let the kids know you were wrong when you said that about her in church.  Our emotions so often want to spill out in words when we need to bite our tongue and turn our frustration or anger or hurt into feeling sorry for our spouse and saying a prayer for our spouse.  

    Maybe apologize to the child and then ask him to pray with you for the family in general, but probably not a good idea to pray with him specifically for her.  That would just point the finger at her in his eyes.

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