Collaborate without boundaries

Day 38- Love Fulfills Dreams- In Process

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This one has required much prayer. My wife is not a material person. I bought her the one thing I knew she wanted and needed for Christmas- a laptop, which she was very thankful for. I am asking God to help me discover something possibly spiritually or mentally she wants or needs.

I went to marriage therapy last night. I invited her but she said she really didn't want to go. When the therapist asked me why I thought she moved back in the house two weeks ago I said I wasn't really sure but she told me it was to make sure the kids got on the bus every morning. He suggested he knows why and said that it is more than likely that her lawyer told her to because it would look really bad in front of the judge if she appears to have abandoned the children. I think he is spot on. My daughter has been sleeping on the couch or in her sister's room because she doesn't want her mom sleeping in her bed. So my wife has been sleeping alone for a week. I don't see how she doesn't realize that this is bothering our daughter, even after I let it slip out last week to her during an argument, in which I let my pride of "winning" the argument defeat me, that our daughter doesn't want her in her room

I feel like she lied to me about this so this morning I texted her and told her that she doesn't have to lie to me because I'm the one person that she should be able to have complete trust in. I didn't tell her what I suspected but I told her I forgive her. I did that so I can forget about it and not harbor that resentment. She didn't answer.

Also last night I brought an article (link below) with me to therapy that I printed off the internet and told the therapist I was thinking about asking her to let me read it to her. It was ten "dumb" reasons why people get divorced. I think at least seven of them apply to us. The therapist said it was a good article and I should try. So when I got home and got the kids settled I asked her if I could read it to her. She said ok but before I started she said "Why don't I just read it myself?" So I gave it to her and left the room. So I don't know if she read it or not. She hasn't mentioned it at all today.

Then this morning she started asking me why I logged into our life insurance account. I told her my attorney need information but she kept questioning me why I was worried about how much life insurance she has. I really think she believes I would harm her. She has mentioned this before in therapy sessions. I just don't get it because I am not a violent person at all and I've never purposely hurt her. I don't even spank my children unless there is absolutely no other alternative and I can count the times I've spanked all six of my children over the last 17 years on one hand.

She tested me a few minutes ago and said she may have to work late and I told her whatever I can do for her I'm at her disposal and added that she has a husband who loves her deeply and unconditionally.

  • As you already know, your spouse, all of ours, will see most everything at it's worse, whereas we try to think in terms of love believes the best.  if you still need to look at financials for the attorney consider letting her know what you need to do and why you need to  do it to keep her from wondering.

  • Is that something you should have texted her?  Couldn't you have really forgave and let it go without texting that?  

    Remember what your preacher said about blurting out things that hurt her?  This to me at least, runs along the same lines.  She probably looks at this as not that you forgive her, but you are accusing her of lying.  That;s the impression I get anyway.

    you are showing that you are in peace in this trial.  continue seeking wisdom, peace,  strength and anything else you feel you need from God.  

    I will read the article now.

  • I got  8 on the list that  I am sure she would check off.  But as you know, none of these things are valid excuses.  Can you imagine our spouses meeting Jesus and they bring up these items as reasons to d?

  • I do see how that implies that she is lying and it's me pointing it out. I let my pride surface. Now I feel really bad and dumb about the way I handled that. I was thinking back a few dares ago when we told our spouses specific things we forgive them for.

    I can't even imagine what our spouses would say to Jesus. I doubt they would say anything at all.

  • I think you had good intentions in letting her know you forgave her.  I do not think it is pride.  Let that feeling go.

    Often in our new walk in Christ, we get over exuberant in placing blame upon ourselves.  

  • I looked something up.  Maybe this applies to you in this circumstance of considering what you did as being sinful or of pride.

    "The scrupulous person may believe that his faults are sins or are so rooted in sin that to show a fault is tantamount to sin."

    Please take this in context.  I am not saying you are faulted.  But we all have things inherent in us that could be changed.  One for me is the opposite of you.  I tend to not want to look at what's wrong with me and dismiss my faults or tendencies that I should try to change.  You, it appears to me, look at your tendencies and consider them sinful when they aren't.  

    In other words, I think you can ease up on yourself.  So, pat yourself on the back in a nonprideful way and rejoice in God in the huge changes you have taken in the last 7-8 months.

  • Scrupulous?!?! After researching I think that is a slippery slope I was heading down. Now there's a line I need to draw. I need to realize that not every action I make leads to sin. My intentions are always biblically oriented so I need to see them as such.

    Thanks Tim.

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