Collaborate without boundaries

Day 37 Love Agrees in Prayer- Done

  • Comments 5

I asked my wife if she would like to pray before bed. She said she was busy but would try. Then she got called into work and ended up working later than she expected. Then when she finally got home she went straight to our daughter's bedroom and went to sleep. Since I had a couple of vacation days I had to go hire a lawyer and fill out mountains of paperwork and take care of the kids while she worked. I tried to stay on schedule with the dares but I fell a day behind. So I asked her again to pray with me the next night and she said she was exhausted. It's always an excuse and never a straight NO. I don't know what psychology plays into that but it has to mean something.

She did come into our bedroom and stand by the bed and tell me that her tooth is hurting so bad that she is going to have to have it pulled. She also said she got an offer from the job she applied for but is not sure if she is going to take it. She said she feels and obligation to both employers she works for and either decision will affect the other employer. I just listened. I really don't know what to say. I don't know if she's looking to me for advice or what. I'm really confused about her being so nice to me and sharing things with me but then saying there is absolutely no way she is changing her mind about leaving me.

I don't feel like I can be her friend after this because she is sending our children the wrong message. The message that the ways of the world are greater than God's ways. I will still love her and show her love but I have to place God above her. If she wants to follow evil she's going to have to do it by herself, without our children. I would never take them away from her but I want them to live with me because I can teach them God's ways while she is incapable right now. She can visit anytime but they do not need to be around her because she is a hypocrite, and Jesus, himself, called out hypocrites. She has also physically hurt our children in the past and has never repented of it. One of them she put in the hospital last year she beat him so bad. Until she does repent and seek help I have to protect our children from her.

I may just be completely confused about this whole situation. I just don't want to act on my pride or any other sin. I want to do what it right in the eyes of God.

  • I know your wife has been resistant to praying together, but she is still coming to you with some problems. Maybe after she comes to you, you could respond by praying for her. It would be a way to still show her that you care and are glad that she comes to you with her problems. By taking it to God, you can show her that you are united, but you don't need to offer any advice unless she specifically asks. I'm not sure if this would work, but if she's up for it, this could be just a quick way to end your conversation.

  • I always pray for her immediately after she leaves, by myself. In those situations I've never asked her to pray with me right then. I could attempt that and see what happens.

  • If you asked and she didn't pray with you, do go on to the next days' dare.  Don't push doing any specific prayer.  I am not saying not to ask her again, but be cautious of doing more  than a dare a day still.  Giving her space is giving her a chance to come to you with her worries and problems.

    Maybe instead of asking her to pray, next time she brings up the toothache or the job offer, just say a simple  one or  two sentence prayer out loud in front of her.  If you do this, you would not have to ask her if she wants to pray and keeping it short is not pushing her to much into being with you in prayer.  

  • I may be reading into this.  And if so I  do apologize.  But, adopted older children, and most that haven't been exposed to this, don't realize it, can be absolutely draining and can bring a person to their knees at times.  her actions against this child are inexcusable, but I can see how it could happen very easily.

    I bet she is so sorry it happened, but isn't strong enough to admit it.  Or maybe  if she  admits it she is admitting guilt and doesn't want that to ever be brought up in case it goes to court for any reason.  Maybe she has learned how to cope with the kids and is done.  

    Don't take this as me condoning hurting children.  But many people can not handle the difference in raising an older adopted child vs a child that came to you at or close to being a new born.  As you know, what  you are doing for these kid(s) burns so much energy and can drain you to the point of not acting or  thinking right.

  • I think you are exactly right Tim. I believe my wife harbors so much guilt over what has happened that she can't let go of it. It's tragic and I wish there was something I could magically do to help her. All I can think to do is love her and support her through this dark time.

Page 1 of 1 (5 items)