Collaborate without boundaries

Day 32 Love Meets Sexual Needs- Done

  • Comments 5

The day before yesterday my wife was upset about the kids not sleeping in their own beds and I told her that she should also be sleeping in her own bed. She said she was NOT sleeping with me. I know I should not have "told" her because that is not showing love. I should have been gentle and asked. It's been eight months since we've even touched each other.

After church last night we got home and I stated feeling sick. My boys have been sick and missed some school and I think I may have gotten something from them so I went to bed at 8:30. I knew it would do no good to ask her for any kind of physical contact at this point. I'm not even feeling too well this morning. I did read some devotionals and Bible verses before I went to sleep and prayed for her and our church. I slept well and woke up with two of my girls in bed with me. They must have came in in the middle of the night.

This morning I got up and made my wife coffee and left a Bible verse on her coffee cup as I have been doing for months, even before I started the Love Dare. I know this is like doing an extra dare but I was doing it before the Love Dare so I feel like stopping would be strange. But I also feel like stopping would send a message to her that something has changed, which could be good or bad. I don't know which. My brother-in-law (the psychologist) said I need to tell her she is pushing me away. So maybe it's time to stop leaving her Bible verses in the morning. I really think my brother-in-law has given up on her and wants me to move on. He is a devoted Christian and says he knows I can't remarry but my kids and I are going through too much emotional pain and I need to do something for the sake of the children until my wife (if ever) is pushed to the point that she sees her mistakes and repents. I don't think he is telling me to give up but to let it go for now and let her have time to figure herself out.

My wife just called me because one of our daughters was still not up and ready for school. I leave for work an hour before everyone gets up so my wife moved back in the house last week, like I mentioned previously, for the sole purpose of getting the kids on the bus. (That's what my wife said the reason was for moving back in.) She was upset and said "These kids are almost in high school and they still can't wake up on time." She said she woke our daughter up who said she didn't feel good so my wife told her to take some medicine and get ready for school. My wife says our daughter didn't take any and went back to sleep. My daughter said she was waiting for my wife to bring her some medicine but she didn't so she fell back asleep. So I see a communication problem. Our daughter texted me and asked if she could stay home and I told her that was fine with me but these kids know that they have to have permission from both of us to do that. My wife was home so I thought she would know what was going on. I told my wife on the phone that I am in complete agreement with her and I feel the same way she does but I still feel like she is mad at me and blaming me for some reason.

I said a prayer for my daughter's health and my wife's anxiety.

  • It is awesome that she moved back in with you! Has she ever said anything to you about the bible verses you leave? I think you should keep up the good work. I am guilty of this sometimes too but from a woman's perspective when you said you don't sleep in our room either that probably felt like a stab and could have been embarrassing if said in front of the kids. It wasn't meant to be but if she is not sleeping with you obviously there is a reason. It seems like she is bitter and/or holding on to the past. Keep doing what you are doing, love dare, praying, try talking to someone unbiased. The walls will come down.

  • She has never said anything about the Bible verses. My daughter said she saw her take one off her coffee cup one morning and throw it away and asked me what it was. I've been doing this for a couple of months and my kids have never paid attention and had no idea I was doing it.

    I did say the should sleep in our bed in front of the kids- it was a stab in the back. I feel guilty about that but it's been done. I can just ask for forgiveness now and correct the behavior.

    She is holding on to the past. When she was going to marriage therapy with me that's all she talked about. I repeatedly said the past is the past. I'm sorry about it but I can't live there. The marriage therapist agreed with me and that's one of the reasons she quit going.

  • To not do the dare because you are sick, I understand that.  But don't not do the dare because you "know" nothing will happen, since that is an expectation and not allowing God to work completely through you and the dares.

    I had thought leaving the bible verse each day was a bit too much.  But, and this is what I wish didn't often happen, I assumed you had just started that up when you began the dares.  Pray on if you should or not.  It is often better to do less than to do more.

  • Again I may be assuming, but it seems like your brother in law is guiding you to take control vs leaving it all in God's hands. Be cautious and be still until in prayer you are confident what God wants you to do.  You will feel peace when this happens.  Any uncertainty or anxiety or nervousness in choosing what to do is not of God's doing.

  • you kind of painted your wife in a corner again.  By telling the daughter it was fine with you if she stayed home   Now, when the decision is made to go to school, the daughter knows your wife made the decision.  Receive council from your wife first before giving your answer to the kids.  This way you are showing your wife unity and that you value her counsel.  

    Your wife will try to lay blame on you for everything including the stress of the kids getting to school on time when you aren't even there.

    keep up the kindness and patience.  she sees this but is still unsure of it all.

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