Collaborate without boundaries

Day 29 Love's Motivation- Done

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In response to Tim's comment yesterday about talking to my wife instead of handing her a note. I would love to but I have this unnecessary fear that she is going to say something to hurt me. Apparently I used to be the one who did that not I am in fear of it.

Anyway, I have been praying very hard for my wife, Amber. I called her name to God and asked Him to be with her and help her to be able to accept everything that has happened and to let her be able to give it all to Him. I also prayed for Him to give me strength to persevere this no matter what she does and continue to love her unconditionally. I can tell you I felt like giving up this weekend.

Almost immediately after praying for what I could do to say "I love you" in a tangible way I felt like God gave me the answer. Our son has been asking me for a couple of days for $5.00 to buy something on xBox. Instead of giving it to him like I usually would I texted my wife about it so she could give it to him so it wouldn't look like I was trying to buy his approval, because I feel like she thinks that is what I'm doing.  I wanted to show her that I absolutely do not see our children as a competition as she has stated to me before. She responded by saying that he should follow the rules and wait until he has earned the money. I told her I agree but I wanted it to be her that gave it to him and not me. I wanted to give up that control or whatever you could call it. I wanted to put her above myself. (Philippians 2:3)

Then I prayed about something else that had put on my mind and a couple hours later texted her that the kids tell me that they don't think they should listen to her "rules" because they don't see her following the "rules" because she wants a divorce even though everything we are taught says that is wrong. (Those are my kids words to me.) Then I texted our preacher and he said even though I said that as politely as I could she is still going to see things from a negative point of view.

I don't know if what I did is right or not. I still struggle with how to handle this situation. I feel obligated to protect my wife according to scripture but at the same time I see that it can just push her away. She said she will talk to the kids about it so I don't know what will happen with that. They've told me that they don't want to hurt her feelings so that's why they don't say anything to her.

I also am struggling with what to do about this court date coming up. I have to show up to defend my children but I feel guilty about hiring a lawyer because I know this will start us on a path to financial ruin because all these lawyers care about is our money, not what God's will is. I feel like hiring a lawyer is stealing money from my children but without one I will get destroyed in court and that  definitely affects our children. I found a Christian lawyer online that I could call. I want a lawyer that understands that I won't sign divorce papers and whose primary goal is to delay for as long as possible so God can do His work.

  • Be the best you you can be when you talk to her.  It is scary I know.  She knows your nervous talking to her at times and this frustrates her.  She doesn't want her husband being wimpy.  At least that's the word my wife would use on a decent day.

  • Fear us not of God.  And evil rejoices in our fear.  Just talk the best you can.  Realize Jesus is in her.  Talk to Him on her.  Not really to your wife of the flesh.  I'm kind if laughing.  Because of how scared I was and still am at times.  It's tough to shake the fear iff.  We'd rather face a small angry mob than our wives.

  • If it feels like shards of glass between you two it will get better.  As long as you stay on the journey.

  • The $5 xbix... Really cool idea.   And when she gives it to him she will think of you and your kindness.  But the best part is you didn't do that for her.

    Maybe instead of putting out the rules talk, you could have waited for her to bring up the kids aren't listening to her.  Then explain it using testimony of how God has helped your be relationship with the kids.

  • About the lawyer talk.  It's way above my pay grade.  But I think it is best to protect the kids and you  if your reacting to her vs attacking her.  And I know you won't do that.  May you in prayer find peace in what steps to take.

  • Really good advice. Thanks. Helps so much to see another perspective.

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