Collaborate without boundaries

Day 27 Love Encourages- Done

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I told my wife that I keep thinking about "the coaster incident." By that I'm referring to an incident a couple years ago in which I sent her a picture of some coasters I wanted her to get and she couldn't find them and panicked about it because she thought I was going to yell at her. She said I would get mad when she didn't meet my expectations and yell at her. I never saw this. I don't know why I can't see this but there must be something to it if it upsets her so much.

I texted her that I was sorry that things like that ever happened and that she felt like she couldn't please me. I promised her that I will seek to understand from now on and above all I would love her unconditionally.

She responded with "Lots of those things have shaped who I am, and I think it's going to take a long time for me to become myself again."'

So I'm just thinking and praying about that.

  • It can be difficult to see the negative effect that our actions have had on others. All we can do is ask for forgiveness, from them and God, and move forward in love. Showing her love can help her reshape her view of herself. It sounds like your wife may not fully understand God's unconditional love for, you have a wonderful opportunity to show her what that looks like. Not that all of the responsibility falls on you, because only God can completely fill each of us.

  • I know it does not feel good to hear how your wife feels like she cant be herself because of us.  And how they are afraid of our reaction to  what they do or say.  and it can shake us because we really didn't know we were causing this.  

    But worry not, in time, if you remain consistent in the dares, especially in patience and showing kindness, she will, maybe in years if you remain steady, begin to trust  you.  But be prepared, even after years  of you being the  best you in Christ  you can be, she will throw these thoughts at you with a bit of anger.  But as the months and  years pass by, her  anger and  frustration will dissipate.  and I pray will be replaced with unconditional love from her  to you.

  • Each day, even the days you have no contact, she is trying to work out in her mind your changes, your new kindness and patience, trying to understand if it is real or  a ruse to win her back, and she will feel conflicted. Because she wants to never forget the hurt she has felt so she doesn't soften and become vulnerable to you.  But, God is working on softening her and showing her she can drop her wall.  

    But she  will fight it, for maybe longer than you think.  But who knows how  long, certainly not me.  It could be tomorrow, or much longer.  

    But the key is make sure you are willing to stand for the marriage for a life time.  Because evil will try to convince you at times  to  think like the world thinks.

  • Especially when evil sees you growing in Christ, it  may attack more than before.  But only for a time, and God  will see you resisting  the temptation to become worldly, and you will be protected as before.  

    But I know you already asked God and her for forgiveness.  so, do not ponder or look back much longer.  God doesn't want you living in the  past.  The past will doom all of  us.  And God is not of  doom.  so, be present for today, and have hope in your future.  

  • Thanks Omj and Tim. That's excellent advice. I'm such a flawed person and I appreciate you helping to keep me accountable.

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