Collaborate without boundaries

Day 25 Love Forgives- Done

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The book says this is probably the hardest day of all. Then to make it worse the d papers came in the mail yesterday. So I had to process that and figure out what I was going to say to my wife. I made a list of things I have blamed her for so I wouldn't forget then went to talk to her. Before I got to the list though I had to ask her forgiveness for something. One of our preachers made it aware to me that some of my comments during Bible study in church on Sunday mornings are inappropriate. I say things that go along with the lesson but are directed at my wife. The whole congregation hears them and it hurts her. The preacher said he could see it on her face. So I told her I had no idea it was hurting her and apologized then asked for her forgiveness and said it will never happen again. She accepted my apology and said she forgives me. I just don’t think she is really forgiving me or we wouldn’t be in the situation we are in.

Then I got to my list of things I need to forgive her for:

Hitting our 14 year old son on April 24, 2016- he had to go to the hospital and CPS got involved in our lives

Letting me go to jail with her for that

Thinking about and asking her lawyer about divorce during the ensuing CPS case in which we lost our children for 6 months

Working too much and not spending enough time with the family

Giving up on me

Talking to another man from January 2017 to at least May 2017 - when she changed her phone over to her parents plan so I couldn't see who she was talking to

Filing for divorce

Then this morning I added- Spending $2,000 on a lawyer to get a divorce which I think is money that belongs to the family

The only things she said back to me was that she told the police I didn't do anything- which obviously didn't help because they still arrested me. She also told them she didn't do it but later on May 1, 2017, the day after she walked out on me I met with her and she admitted to me that she did hit our son that night. I was shocked because I had spent a year defending her and telling everyone that our son was lying. We ended up spending $50,000 that year defending ourselves against CPS who was trying to take our kids away from us forever. We did lose them for 6 months which put me into a downward spiral of depression. This was very difficult to let go of and forgive her for.

When I said talking to another man she said "What man?" to which I didn't reply because she knew the answer. Our phone records indicated that from January 2017 to May 2017 she spent hours talking to a Dr. she worked with after work hours. She denied it for months until one day in marriage therapy she admitted that she had talked to him because she needed someone to confide in. In May she cancelled her phone on our account and got one on her parents plan so I wouldn’t be able to see who she was talking to. I should have never snooped but I didn’t understand why she was being so cold and I felt the need to know why.

Finally I told her that I would not be appearing in court on January 16, 2018 for the divorce hearing because I cannot have anything to do with divorce proceedings. I told her that everything I do can be backed up by the Bible. In this situation 1 Corinthians 6:1-8 Paul says that Christians should not take their problems before a non-believer to be judged. I consider the divorce judge to be a non-believer because he MUST obey the laws of the land even though they contradict what the Bible says. She said “That’s your choice.” I told her it’s not a choice. It’s a commandment given by God that I must obey.

I will probably be held in contempt of court and fined and/or jailed. The disciples and apostles in the Bible were killed for their faith in Jesus. I don’t expect any less. They were better men than me so I will accept whatever happens and glorify God that I will be persecuted in His name.

We also lost a 2 year old baby girl that we had from birth that we were going to adopt because of my the CPS case. I need to tell her that I forgive her for that. I’ve held strongly onto that for a long time.

I’ve not been a good person by far but I have reconciled with God for what I have done. I just wish that somehow my wife could see her own mistakes and take them all to God. As far as I know and can see by her behavior she does not have a relationship with God and she has never apologized to me or any of the kids for what she caused our family to go through in the last 18 months. I don’t understand how she goes about her life with what I think should be a ton of guilt. I pray so hard for her to find peace.

  • I would say to pray she has God's will somehow done in her life.  Praying for her peace delay until she is on a journey with Christ.

    Because we typically never start looking for God during good, peaceful times.  So, if she is not in God's peace right now, let her remain in frustration and allow that to be one of the tools God can use to bring her to Him.  

  • It sounds like you have possibly adopted older kids.  If so, some of these kids can drive you crazy at times.  Unless someone has had to spend much time with some of these kids it is tough to understand how they can be so hard to parent.  But this gives no excuse to treat these children of God in the wrong way.  And this is definitely not saying anything negative or hurtful about these children.  But it is a tough situation, and many of the people around you probably do not understand the frustration she felt when she hit your son.  If family or friends hold a grudge against her for what she did, maybe defend her if you haven't and let them know how difficult it is.  

    I am very sorry if I am off base.

  • I am amazed you received papers and are not showing struggle.  You have gone quickly into the Lord.  Thank God.  She sees this and has to want the peace you have.  She has to be very confused.  Keep being patient and kind.

    YOu know how so often even if a d goes through, reconcilliation often takes place later.  

    Keep in the gift of peace He has given you and thank Him for your comfort in Him.  Continue to pray, read and go to your favorite verses when you feel you may be getting overwhelmed.  

    Know no matter what, His divine providence is there for you.  

  • I , as well will not go to a hearing if one comes up or I won't fill out the financial papers my husband gave me to fill out (over 6 weeks ago). I have to follow my conviction. Sounds like you all have been through a lot . I praise and thank God he saved you and set your feet on a firm foundation which is Him.

    p.s Would you do me a favor? For some reason your print showed up black and I can hardly read it on the screen as the screen is kinda like a reddish color.  Thank you.

  • Peggy, next time if you highlight the entry like you were going to copy and paste, it will be easier to read.  

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