Collaborate without boundaries

Day 24 Love vs. Lust

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My wife is number one. All other things must go if necessary. I don’t need any of it. It HAS ruined my life. Now God is my life and He is making it right. My areas of lust:

Other Women




Video Games

My wife and I had an open relationship. It was devastating. I lusted after other women. It was wrong and it will never happen again. I used to look at pictures of other women on Facebook and chat with them a lot and lust after them too. Now when I see another woman I walk away and focus my mind on my wife and my wife only.

I drank alcohol too frequently. I gave that up seven months ago. Never again.

I bought a motorcycle without her permission. I also bought guns without her permission. I’m selling the motorcycle and trying to sell the guns also, however the market is terrible for guns right now.

I also used to spend much of my time playing xBox and ignoring her. I hardly ever touch it now. I’m focused on Christ and repairing y relationship with my wife.

All these things killed my relationship when all it really needed was God. Hindsight is 20/20.

Last night my wife came home on a day she would normally not be there. She has a very specific schedule on when she is and isn’t home. She said (in front of the kids) that she feels like she needs to be home from now on to make sure they all get to school on time, making it look like my fault that they aren’t. When the second nine weeks of school started my work schedule changed and I have to go into work an hour earlier than before. I used to get the kids ready for school, on the bus and drop some off but since my work schedule changed and my wife wasn’t home I had to ask my older children to help me. Because of that, one day the little ones missed the bus. I left work to take care of that and did the best I could. We also have a 15 year old son, who is adopted and a special case of his own, who just decides he doesn’t want to go to school and stays home sometimes. He’s missed enough days that the school is about to turn us over to truancy. She says this stuff never happens when she is home. Which is absolutely incorrect- she just can’t see the truth clearly right now because I believe she is so angry. I wish she would go to counseling. So I guess she is going to “move back in” but she’s not going to sleep in our bed. She slept in our daughters bed last night and our daughter slept with our other daughter. She tells me she doesn’t want her mom sleeping in her bed but she’s afraid to say anything. I told our daughter to just pray about it.

I talked to my wife for about 10 minutes this morning on the phone because both of our cars broke down and are in the shop. She picked hers up early this morning and it was $1,350 for repairs. I paid $190 for some repairs on it a few days ago also and last night she said she would pay me back. I told her I’m not worried about getting paid back. I do not worry about money and that is one of her major concerns. We have always been financially stable so money is not something we have ever had to worry about. She went on this morning about paying bills and asked me to check and make sure she is doing it correctly and asked if she could take my name off one of our checking accounts and if I would take her name off our other one that I use. I told her the bank will not allow that (I worked in banking for 12 years.) She said that complicates things. I just said yes it does. I was very polite to her but after the phone call was over I couldn’t help but think that none of this seems to be getting through to her. She is still adamant about getting a d. Even though I’ve told her that my faith won’t allow me to sign the papers. Her faith shouldn’t either because she goes to church with the family fairly often. She hears the same messages about forgiveness, etc. She knows it is wrong but she blatantly defies God which does give me a lot to pray about for her. I wish she could experience the same comfort in Christ that I do. Maybe someday.

  • Love believes the best.  Sometimes that feels, there we go again with emotions leading us again, like we're an ostrich putting our head in the sand, but that she's moving back in for the right reasons.  And is only saying to get the kids to school on time to justify in her mind why she's moving hime

  • If she follows through and moves home, she will want lots of space.  Give it to her.  And it may be a transition for everyone that she is more present.  So remain extra patient, biting your tongue at all times.

  • Let her place blame on you.  Half what she says she will forget or deny ever saying.  She doesn't even know what is going on in her head.   It may get more stressful but you be the best you you can be.  She is noticing and wants to fight your huge changes.  Wondering why you weren't always this way.

  • Your first sentence.  I think you mean Gid is number one.  Wife second.....I Know you think that.  

    It's good to see you come on this site boldly.   Others need to hear the way you state things.

  • Correct- God is number one. Wife is second. I will bite my tongue from now on. And give her space. Allow her to figure things out.

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