Collaborate without boundaries

Day 18 Love Seeks to Understand- Done

  • Comments 2

This was a rough one. After church and the kids were fed I began preparing a meal. It was very simple because I am not a very good cook- Chicken, noodles and green beans. I set the table with a candle and white grape juice. The kids were all in their rooms and I told her I had dinner made. I waited about 20 minutes and she didn't come then she texted me about something else and I answered her and asked if she was hungry because dinner was downstairs. She then came down and as soon as she saw the setup she rolled her eyes. I told her she didn't have to sit down if she didn't want to so she took her plate, said thank you and went upstairs.

Then at 10:00 we made sure the kids were all in bed and I went to our room and told her I was going to sleep in our bed. She appeared upset and said that I made an agreement to sleep downstairs and she can't take me changing my mind all the time. That has been one of the big things she is angry about- she says I change my mind too much. I told her I did not want to offend her but after much prayer and consultation with my therapist and other professionals I had to make the decision to sleep in my own bed. I told her that I have decided to live my life according to the Bible and part of that is sleeping in bed with my wife. She said I can do whatever I like and left to go sleep somewhere else in the house- which I think was with my 15 year old daughter- who had texted me earlier and said "Dad, please don't sleep in your bed tonight. I don't want mom sleeping with me." I told my daughter that I had to and that I'm sorry that it is affecting her. I don't want my children to see their mother like this but she is hurting them and I can't do anything about it because when I do tell her the kids are upset and not handling this well she simply doesn't believe me.

I also had diner with our two preachers after work and learned that some of my behavior in church involving my comments during Bible studies have been inappropriate because they can tell that they are directed at my wife. I guess I was trying to subtly send her a message since she won't talk with me. It was wrong and I'm glad they called me out on that so now I can shut my mouth and give my wife the proper respect she deserves.

It also made me feel like a piece of dirt. I can't believe how bad of a person I used to be and it is still trying to rule my life. I'm making every effort to get rid of the old me and it is a struggle far more complicated than I ever thought. I am very upset at myself.

  • Keep the old you and let the dares smooth out the parts that need it.  It will happen.  Dont get frustrated or over think it all.

    as you do the dares you will gain a new endurance in Christ, and this will bring about a new character in you.  Your wife already sees the new character in you, but just does not want to trust that it is permanent.  And she will/is testing your resolve to remain patient and kind.

    The eye roll.  LOL.  She's just thinking, oh brother, he's over the top trying to win me back.  But really, in her position, what else can she do other than eye roll?  Well, actually she could hurl the grape juice in your face or throw the dish of noodles at the wall.  But she can not gush with appreciativeness and give you the impression she has softened a little.

    Let the eye roll go, let the delay of coming down go.  She could be starving and know a perfect meal is waiting for her, yet she will delay, again to show she hasn't let her wall down in any way.

    She's kind of like a child showing some defiance.  

  • But stop feeling like dirt.  Seek His forgiveness if you havent yet, and then accept His mercy.  Not accepting His forgiveness is a sin itself.  It's like saying my frustration with myself is higher than you shedding blood on the cross to wash away my sins.

    It's good you see how some comments are directed against your wife.  It is easy to also make little comments to your kids that give mom and negative spin.  Be on guard of doing that.  Well, I should say, probably not you, but I need to watch out for that.  

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