Collaborate without boundaries

Day 15 Love Is Honorable- Done

  • Comments 3

I had to pray on this one a bit because I do all the things that are suggested in the text and I really couldn't think of anything to do. I did manage to do two things that I thought were out of the ordinary. One, I cleaned up the dining room table after I finished my Bible study. Typically I leave my stuff out because I come back the next evening and start again. She told me a couple days ago that the mess drives her crazy. Now I know that she chooses to let it drive her crazy but I'm trying to honor her so I decided to clean up every time I finish. So I did. She didn't say anything about it afterward but I know she had to notice.

Second, yesterday she stopped me to tell me about her work while I was on my phone so I laid my phone down and looked her in the eyes and listened and asked questions. I became genuinely interested in what she was saying. I gave her my undivided attention. Overall the weekend went very well, with one exception.

I took the suggestions I've gotten on here about sleeping in bed with her on the days she decides to stay at home and prayed about it and spoke to my preacher and decided that I need to make the decision to sleep with my wife and let her make the decision on how to deal with that. I told her last night that I was going to sleep in our bed and without hesitation she said "Ok, I'll go sleep downstairs." There were no questions as to why or any discussion. She just left the bedroom. So now I'm wondering if I should ask her to read 1 Corinthians chapter 7, which is what my preacher suggested for me to read and pray about when I came to him for counsel.

I made her coffee this morning like usual and put the Bible verse on it like I have been doing. "But it is the spirit in the man, the breath of the Almighty, that makes him understand."

I continue to pray that she comes to God as I did a few months ago for the sake of our children and our family under God.

  • About looking at her intently when she talks.  That's terrific.  But what I have experienced in doing this, but have not heard anyone else say it, is that my wife gets pretty irritated and yells quit staring at me!  So, if your wife shows irritation, find a balance of looking intently and kind of looking away now and then without going  back to the phone, tv, etc.  Maybe it's just me that experiences this reaction, i don't know.

  • I think you made the right decision in where to sleep.  As far as sharing chapter 7 or the bible, my thought is she may see that as you trying to manipulate her, make her try to feel guilty, or shaming her.  and if so, she will harden up a little more.  

    You are I am sure trying to share what you are learning for the right reasons vs trying to make her conform for your comfort, but often our spouses revolt against being "preached at".  

    Again, my thoughts and always pray/talk to your pastor.  

  • Thanks tim. I felt comfortable in the decision where to sleep. By the time I talked to God, the therapist and our preacher about it I understood that it is important to show unity on my part. I see how, by not sleeping in our bed, I was showing that I agree to division. My wife didn't say anything to me, but the next day our 15 year old told me all about what my wife said about it to her. She told our daughter that I just came in the bedroom and said I was going to sleep in our bed. She asked "What is he thinking?" My daughter said she just listened to her but wanted to say "He's thinking that he wants to sleep in his own bed with his wife. It's not really that weird of a concept mom"

    My kids are thinking logically but my wife is not. Ugg.

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