Collaborate without boundaries

Day 13 Love Fights Fair- Done

  • Comments 4

I used the Rules of Engagement suggested and personalized them to myself and added a few then gave them to her. I made myself a copy so I can read them every day to remind myself of my commitment. I didn't ask her to work on a list with me because I'm sure she would have declined. She is adamant about divorce. Our preacher, our marriage therapist and my mother have all been blamed for trying to force her to stay married. She is very bitter and may never forgive me even though she has never given me a real reason for her feelings. She is very friendly to me as a friend but wants nothing to do with me otherwise.

Last night she texted me a few times blaming me for taking time away from her concerning the kids because I took them to a Walk Through Bethlehem event at a local church. I have always spent a lot of time with my children. More than I like now because I realize now that I neglected time with her. On the other hand she rarely ever spends time with them, now or ever. I didn't appreciate the blame so I went upstairs and confronted her and told her I have no intention of taking the kids time from her and that she has been invited to everything we have ever done but 95% of the time she declines. So I look like the "fun person." That's what she always says but I feel like it has always been her CHOICE not to participate. At that point she said she does not want to be around me so she's not going to do anything with me or the kids if I'm around.

Ironically, earlier this evening she went to the movie theater with us. It's the first time she's done anything with the family in a very very long time. I still feel no love at all from her though. We have completely split the bills and I paid for everything at the movies even after she suggested splitting the cost. I want to show her that I still see us as a family.

  • Next time something comes up like that, consider not responding at all and let God handle it and not saying you didn't, but don't talk to her in a confrontational way.  Respond showing patience and kindness if you think it is best not just to bite your tongue.  

    Keep showing unity the best you can such as inviting her like you do when you do things with the kids.  Or even say something like I was thinking of doing A or B with the kids, which would you like to do with us?  

    Do not put thought in not feeling love from her.

  • I things get worse before better, do not worry about that.  She may begin to spend even less time with the kids.  And maybe continue to blame you, just to get you to react negatively.  Not saying I think any of this will come about, but if it does, thank God that it will all serve purpose.

  • I do believe she is making every effort to make me behave negatively. I am getting better each day at responding appropriately. Patience and kindness!

  • Yes, I am sure she is, just to break you so she can say, see, your new changes are not real and you're just changing temporarily to win me back.

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