Collaborate without boundaries

Day 12 Love Lets The Other Win- Done

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Day 12 is done and was successful. Two of my daughters and I got home from a Bible study at 9:30 and I greeted my wife with enthusiasm. I was filled with the Holy Spirit after the Bible study. I had resolved to make sure the kids were all in bed by 10pm. My wife has always wanted bedtime enforced but I've never enforced it. Last night I told her I was going to do things her way and make sure everything was on lockdown by 10pm. She had sent me a small shopping list to pick up a few things before I came home so I brought all of that stuff home, including tampons and constipation medication. She hasn't been feeling too well lately and had just had a root canal earlier in the day. I asked her if there was anything I could do for her and she said no. I told her I was sorry that her tooth hurt, goodnight,  and I went downstairs to sleep on the couch. (Someone commented yesterday that I should go ahead and sleep in the bed but I'm not so sure about that. I'm pretty sure if I did she would just get up and go sleep somewhere else.)

So I woke up this morning, made my girls school lunches like I always do and took my wife a cup of coffee with a Bible verse on it like I have recently begun to do. She said "thank you" and I was off to work.

Then she texts me and asks if I've considered splitting up the bills yet. I told her a gave her mother something about that a couple days ago (which was my dare at that time) and apparently her mother did not give it to her. So she said she would stop by her parents and see if she could get it. Splitting up the bills is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in this marriage. I see that it's a huge control issue for me and I need to let it go but I can't help but think it's just a step in the direction of divorce (hate that word.) This once again has really impeded on my day. When I see her texts I never want to open them because I afraid of what they might say. (Expectations--- I know.) So here I am preparing for day 13. Writing up a list of rules of engagement because she would never agree to working with me. So I'll give them to her later and see if she wants to talk about them.

  • Putting a scripture on her coffee seems like a very thoughtful gesture. Also, bible studies are good. I think the more we know the word, the more we understand God. Also, getting the kids in bed by 10 pm shows her you respect her input.

  • I am guessing you both didn't share bible talk or verses before. The one thing I would say is she may see the bible verses as a form of you trying to manipulate her.  By using God's word to force her to look at what she is doing wrong.   If she really likes the verses, keep it up.  

    I would say sleep in the bed, put it on her to sleep somewhere else if she chooses.  What if she takes it as you showing division in the marriage some night when she wants to feel close to you and you choose to sleep elsewhere.  

    It is her choice to show division, if she chooses to sleep elsewhere it is not you making her leave the bed.  We often look at being a gentleman and us taking making the sacrifice for our wife, but in this case, that is not so.  You show unity, let her do the dividing if she feels she has to.  

  • Pray about how to handle helping split the bills.  It is another form of showing division, but if she is requesting it, see where prayer leads you.  You may hear God say split the bills as she asks, and trust Me to be working in this situation.  

    In anything any of us say in replies, pray about it before you follow what is said.  

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