Collaborate without boundaries

Day 12 Love Lets The Other Win

  • Comments 4

Today seems like an easy dare. One thing we have always disagreed on is making the kids go to bed at a specific time. Tonight I will tell her that I am putting her preference first and getting the kids in bed by their appointed time and I will continue to do this every day from now on. She only comes home a few days a week since she left a few months ago so this is a good opportunity to show her that I do care. I sleep on the couch and give her the bed. We have six children and I have a hard time watching them deal with what we are going through. I feel like it is destroying them.  I've had some difficulty with a couple dare days up to this point. I get a "Thank you" for what I do but not much else. Good thing I don't expect anything. I am learning to be a better person throughout this process. She told me twice yesterday that she is not staying married to me. It hurt deeply but I am resolved to continue these dares. I haven't missed a day since starting. I feel strongly like God talks to me every day telling me to not give up no matter what she says or does. I was baptized on May 14th and my life has been very different since then. God has worked amazing miracles in my life. I sit at my dining room table every night at 9pm and study my Bible and yesterday my 14 year old daughter asked me if she could study with me and brought her Bible and a notebook. I was so overjoyed. I feel like my children have seen a major change from who I used to be and although my wife says she sees no change I believe with all my heart that she does. I am 100% devoted to God under any and all circumstances and I pray that His will be done in my life and I hope that includes a reconciliation with my wife.

  • She sees your testimony.  She just doesn't want to admit it.  Because if she does she is afraid of it looking like her wall came down a little.  She's probably also thinking this change isn't long term and is a ruse to win her back.  And thinking why couldn't he have always been this way.  

    Remain consistent in your testimony.  She needs to see that.  

  • Continue not having expectations.  I would consider sleeping again on the bed.  

  • Welcome to the community.  Keep doing a date a day, no more no less.  This way you're not getting in her space.  Don't read ahead in the book, other than the appendix, especially about leading the heart.

  • Thanks Tim. Our bi-weekly marriage counselor and my individual counselor also say she sees the change too but doesn't want to admit it. She said I have changed in the past and it lasted for a while but went back to the same old thing so that is what she is expecting. She quit marriage therapy 3 sessions ago by the way. She said she just feels like he is trying to force her to stay married when that's not what she wants.

    I took the love dare test on here and based my answers on where we were 7 months ago when our separation began. I had no idea how bad of a husband I actually was. I scored zero on five sections of it so I have a lot to improve on. I'm ashamed of how I ignored my beautiful wife for 19 years.

    I am resolved to remain consistent and I have no expectations. I will continue each day with a dare no matter what.

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