Collaborate without boundaries

Day 29

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Today I am struggling a bit. I'm struggling with knowing God's will for my life. I want my marriage to work and I want to please God. The bible says that we are to submit to our husband's as unto the Lord...... I know that I am to submit to God FIRST, especially when my husband is out of God's will. However, I can't make my husband submit to God's will and at what point do I let go? I know that "love endures through every circumstance" but that is hard for me at the moment. I know that it's not something that I can do but God has to do through me. 

My parent's are struggling at the moment. My dad was forced to quit working due to health issues and my mom is still healing from a double mastectomy she had done several months ago. (She has open wounds that are not healing. She has a wound pump and lays in a hyperbaric chamber 5 days a week.) Thankfully my dad had a long term disability policy that is floating them but they need to move into a smaller and cheaper home. We have an "in-law" suite in our home which my older girls currently occupy. If my husband isn't coming home I want to move my parents into it and help take care of them. Honestly, it would be helpful to both our situations. I honestly can not afford our home by myself. However, my husband and I agreed that neither of our parents would be able to move in with us as we each have some conflict with the other's parents. I am so torn over honoring what my husband and I had already decided and doing what is best for me, my children and my parents. 

My life is on hold waiting for him to decide something. I know that I can't take control over the situation and right now I have to learn to stop planning ahead but it's difficult. My parent's need to be moved by the end of the year. My husband still isn't speaking a word to me and is leading our family down a very wrong path. Do I continue honoring our prior decisions regardless of the situation changes or do I keep moving forward with what is good for all parties outside of my husband's desire? Also, we are not divorced.... we are still married. I can't exactly move them into a home that I may not even be awarded if we were to divorce. UGH!! I hate this spot that I am in. I hate not being able to make decisions and feeling like I am in "limbo." 

Today's challenge is hard for me.... I do love my husband and I am able to pray for him but I am angry at the position he has put our family in. I will tell him I love him and I will show love in a tangible way to him today but it will be out of obedience to God. I am really praying that God loves him through me today. 

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  • If you can't afford to maintain your current space then pray for a financial breakthrough or that you can move into something more affordable.

    As for your parents, you should help them find a more affordable spot as well. Do not bring them into your home, that'll only cause more conflict. All he needs is for you to go over his head so he can say I told you......... Then he will most definitely think he's justified in his actions.

  • My parents are also at a point where they can't care for themselves as well though. My dad is a fall risk and my mom has cancer. He doesn't have personal conflict with my parents. We just agreed it wasn't good for them to live with us when our kids were younger. We know we will eventually have to care for all of our parents. My therapist suggested letting him know that there are decisions that need to be made soon and that we really need to open some type of discussion with one another.

  • I don't know what else to say except for to have faith and lean on the Lord. I was at a point where I didn't know how I would pay bills with my hours at work being cut. I prayed and cried and put it all in God's hands. For the past month my husband, the man who after leaving swore that he'd never take care of me again, has been giving me extra to help out with grocery. This is on top of his child support obligation and the portion that he pays towards my car payment.

  • Stay faithful to God through prayer and studying his word and keep your heart right towards your husband. God will provide.

  • At what point do you let go you mention.   You stand for  the marriage and let God do the rest.  If a d is to happen, let it all be on him, not you, so do not let go.  But in a sense, you are letting go, letting go of the control and letting Christ have control.

  • I don't have a clear answer at all about the housing  dilemma.  Keep in prayer about it and ask for wisdom in what to do.  

    You are to leave your parents and cleave to him.  But  you are to honor our parents.  And help the needy.  

    Do not feel you have to make a decision right now.  Look at the Israelites who became impatient with God.  Yet, God provided.  Be patient with this trial within the trial.

    It may be the therapists idea is the  best to talk to your husband about the situation.  But, if they move in he may use that against you, since our spouses like to dig at us at times.  

    I pray you are given the steps to take.  

  • Thank you guys! I did reach out to him today and asked if we could sit down and discuss some short term and long term decisions. He hasn't responded. I think where I have the most difficulty is in the areas of trying to honor what he would want and still having to make decisions on what is best for me and the kids. As of now we are still sharing the joint account and he is still paying most of the bills. I just feel like a doormat at the moment. It's difficult for me to keep a right heart towards my husband too.

  • Remember to lead your heart.  This will  take  care of the doormat feeling and also keeping a right heart towards him.  Jesus was no doormat, but a  strong man when He allowed himself to be crucified.  In a sense when you stand for your marriage you are feeling a  tiny portion of  Jesus's trial in yours.  Let the  doormat feeling go, it is a selfish feeling.

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