Collaborate without boundaries

Love is faithful

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Today has been a good day!! Journaling all of the negative emotions yesterday at least helped. Along with having a long conversation with God about them last night. It's amazing how every time I feel these things God gently shows me that I have also made the same mistakes. He doesn't throw mud at me, just gently nudges at my heart. I have to learn to handle the negative in that way instead of "attacking" my husband over them. 

Today's chapter got me a bit. I have been wondering lately if my husband has been faithful or if there is someone else. Partly because when we met he was at the end of another relationship. I asked him not to contact me as long as he was still somewhat in that relationship. He got angry with me and acted like a toddler. (much like at this point in our lives.) But about a month later I got a call from him and he had ended that relationship. We went on our first official date and have been together ever since. Due to his track record with ending and starting relationships it's hard to trust that he isn't being unfaithful right now. Lack of trust seems to be the recurring theme in my relationship with him. 

Regardless of what he does or how he acts I know that I have to be faithful. I made the choice to do so and each morning I make a new choice to do it all over again. I choose to still love him in spite of the rejection and hurtfulness that he offers at the moment. I choose our marriage. I choose him. It's a lot easier to do when God begins to show me all of the ways that I have hurt Him like my spouse is hurting me. God has a way of opening our eyes and hearts to things that are life changing. For that I am extremely grateful. I'm grateful that God pours his love into me every day and helps me to understand the depths of His forgiveness. 

Yesterday I began to worry that if we do end up back together can I really say that I have repented of the behaviors that I've had the last few months or will they come back when things get strained again. I was reminded that this is no different than drugs and eating disorders (just some examples). I will always be one bad decision away from being "full blown" and it's most likely something that I will forever have to be mindful of (my selfish tendencies and behaviors). With God's help I know that I can love my spouse the way He needs me to, I can trust my spouse again and I can forgive fully. 

I'm so thankful that God is always faithful and never gives up on me. I'm thankful for a new day to grow closer to Him and to learn something new about my Savior. I'm so grateful that God has protected my marriage another day and I am most grateful that Christ died for me so that we could spend eternity together!! I hope you all are having a great day and I'm praying for all of you and your marriages as well!!

  • Journaling does do us well when we write our feeling and emotions on paper or the screen,  go back and read some of your first entries it will show you a lot about the old you.  As far as your husband faithfulness or not and I am sure you already know this as you have wrote that you have chosen to still love him.  It doesn't matter this choice you made to him and yourself and to the Lord, that is all you need.  Love will cover a multitude of sins whether our own or someone else's sin.  Just  remember to trust the lord and leave your burdens at his feet.  I pray for you as I do all here and I am glad you are still writing about your journey. If you need anything just let us all know as we need each other more than we realize.  

    D-

  • Yes we do!! I read everyone's post as well and it has been good for me. Today I got home from work to discover that he took the vows and another note that he wrote me. I searched the trash for them as he's thrown everything I've given him in the trash but they were not there. I'm praying that's a good sign. He also took the muscle cream that I bought him a couple of weeks ago. He's left it here every other time he has came by. He went and got our tags renewed today and did not leave me the registration sticker for my car. It has me a little worried. His birthday is tomorrow and our one year anniversary is Monday so please keep me lifted up as those will be tough days for me. Thank you for the kind words and always being uplifting!

  • I will keep you in mind and pray, maybe he put the new sticker on for you already, don't stress about it and remember no snooping.  It is difficult but you can do it and remember do not be anxious for tomorrow as it can be  anxious for itself.  Also remember a post I shared a few weeks ago, it is very uplifting.

    D-

  • He did actually come by and put the sticker on for me. He text after he left. I will go check out the post. 😊

  • The post is Inspiration to some, and that is great that he put it on.  Be thankful and thank the Lord, I hope you thanked him which I am sure you did.  Have a good night.

    D-

  • Those moments when you realize things like he didn't leave the sticker.  The flesh so often wants to worry and think the worse.  But keep thinking the best.  So often what we worry about is nothing, and when what we worry about does come true, which is such a small percentage of the times, we even then make it out much worse than it really is.  

    I would urge you not to look in the trash any more to see if he threw something away.  It is still a  form of  snooping.  Yes, you got good news from looking in the trash, but next time, believe the best and that he took your gift.  

  • I had not considered that looking in the trash was snooping but that definitely makes sense. I was kinda upset that he took the vows in the first place. The things that he took are mine, however, I hope that he reads them and is reminded of the commitment that he made. I also should not have doubted about the registration sticker. I know that he is not malicious like that. I have really had to learn to quiet my natural response to things lately.

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