Collaborate without boundaries

Day 12

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Today's challenge was about letting your spouse win. The biggest argument we have is always surrounding his mom. She has been the primary caregiver for his kids for pretty much their entire lives but I feel that she often doesn't respect boundaries and he has never established any with her. In counseling last week the counselor asked me not to mention his mom for a week but to keep doing the dares. I definitely had mixed emotions over this one. Really, his mom is the only thing we fight about and can't come to middle ground on. So, I decided to let him win when it comes to her. Due to absolutely no contact for days on end I sent a message. 

I know it's better to call but I wanted to have my thoughts clear for this one. I apologized for always making him feel like he has to choose between me and her. I apologized for making him feel like he's always on trial with me when this topic is concerned and expressed that, to me, this is not worth losing our marriage over. I told him that I choose to let this go and that I choose to honor his parents and want them both in our lives (I do honestly want that). No response. He also never gave me a response to what my plans are (not leaving our home). No idea where things stand at the moment but God and I are good and that's all that matters at the moment. 

Today I've been trying to get some things done around our home and trying to get us ready for the week. I made the bed for him and will go back to sleeping on the couch tonight as I can only assume that he'll be back home tonight (his girls go back to their mom's). I'll make his lunch as I would typically do and I am washing his laundry as well. Some days those are the hardest task but today I am reminded that I'm grateful I get to do them another day. No divorce papers as of yet and I know that God is working. I will choose to be grateful and push through another day. 

  • I know it's better to call but......Whenever we justify manipulating the dare it usually isn't the best approach.  Next time, to make sure you get your thoughts out clearly, could you have written down all the points you wanted to make and then used the note to make sure you said everything even if it was on a voicemail?

    Remember your text about this because you will be tested at some point with the mother in law.  it is crucial to be consistent with what you promised to him.

    When things get difficult, like making his lunch, etc, that is when there is growth and gained endurance in this trial.  Keep doing what is right when the flesh says not to.  It will become more natural to do selfless tasks for him and others even when you do not feel like doing it.

  • I will admit, it's hard for me to call him right now. I know he needs space to deal with things and I feel like I'm invading that space with each dare.

    I wrote him a long letter about everything I've learned this last week or two and shared very intimately about my feelings. (Our pastors wife challenged me to do this last week.) It is very hard to continue doing this with no response but God has given me the strength to do so.

  • I am also grateful every single day that I am privileged to make DH's lunch or cook his dinner.  I used to never give it a thought.  But now, I am so thankful to God for such precious moments.

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