Collaborate without boundaries

Day 11

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Today I wasn't able to complete the dare. My spouse did not come last night. He is staying at his parents with the girls. I went to my parents house today as well. My mom is angry with my spouse. My dad is hurt. I often have to tell my mom that she can't speak about my husband the way she wants and she has to be uplifting or not say anything. My dad on the other hand assured me that God can and will convict my husband. He reassured me that God could restore our marriage and to trust in Him. We had a very long talk today and it opened the door for me to talk with him about God. It was nice. My parents are believers but my dad's faith has always been questionable. He doesn't live like a believer and my mom has always been the spiritual influence in our home. It was good to hear my dad just give me God's word today. It also made me feel better to know he isn't upset with my spouse. He's truly worried. My dad knows what a great man I have and he's concerned that he's this far away from God. 

I embroidered some thing for his girls today that we had talked about me making for them a while back. I left it with the muscle cream from yesterday's dare and chose to give my husband space this weekend. Today's chapter really got to me. I do feel like my hand has been crushed and might be removed. I feel like I'm the old car to him and that's a bit hurtful. I guess only time will tell. I have seen today how truly heavy my heart has become the last couple of days. I have so much weighting on my heart. Things that I've done, things that I've said and things that I've felt. I've got to unload them at Jesus' feet.

I do cherish my husband. He's the best man that I've ever known. I haven't done a great job at showing him that though and today, when I wanted to the most, I wasn't able to. I miss my husband so much. I truly feel like a part of my own body is missing and it hurts. It makes all of my fears heightened and I'm not sure how I will get through this if he chooses not to reconcile. For me there is no other option. There is no question in my mind that we have to fix this. There is no other alternative. But it's not up to me. 

  • If I got the dare you are on right, couldn't you still have done the dare even though he was not home?  Even if it was doing something for him without him being there?  Even if he never would find out you did him a favor or an errand?  

    God used you to talk to your dad about God.  You were a witness to Christ and shared testimony.  

    Your mom is just wanting to be protective of her daughter.  We often want to strike at the person that hurts a member of our family or loved ones.  You are being a testimony for your mom as well.  

  • It's good you are recognizing things you shouldn't had done or seeing how you should have done things differently in the past.  But, if you haven't, seek Christ's forgiveness for these things.  And then make sure you accept His forgiveness.  Otherwise you are saying your guilt is stronger than Christ's forgiveness.  Accept wholeheartedly His gift of forgiveness.  Even if you do not feel it, dance in joy in receiving this precious gift.  

  • Seeing no other option and feeling this kind of pain and feeling this has to be fixed is you not yet completely trusting God and His divine providence for you.  His plans no matter what your husband chooses to do are perfect.  Trust Him.  

    As you do the dares, as you put God first, way above this best man you have ever known, as you take the pain of missing him so much and turn that pain into longing for Jesus so much more, you will feel a peace come over you that is beyond understanding.

  • You are feeling a void with your husband being distant.  That is understandable.  But, let Jesus fill all the voids you are feeling.  He alone can fill those voids perfectly.  Any human will fail or fall short in filling our longings and needs and voids.

    Keep in this journey to gain a stronger endurance in Christ.  This will bring forth a stronger faith, which leads to greater hope, which leads to an improved character in you. And this new character will bring others closer to Christ.  In hope in Christ one of these people will be your husband.  

  • One of the things I've been praying is that God will cause my husband to forget the hateful, hurtful things I've said to him in the past and help him remember the good times we shared in our marriage.  I am quicker to stop and think before I speak to anyone anymore.  I finally get it that words spoken can never be retrieved.  BUT God can make the good memories surface and overshadow the bad.  He is God, after all and can do anything.  Forgive yourself dp.  If you don't the heartache only gets heavier.  

  • I know that Christ is the only one who can fill those voids and I'm am definitely letting him. The chapter that went with the challenge gave the two scenarios that I mentioned in the entry. It made me see that he is "my hand" that can't just be easily chopped off but needs to be fixed. I also know that I reached the end of myself quite a while ago and Christ is the only one that do the healing. One thing that my husband needs during conflict is space to process and it's something I struggle to give. So, yesterday I gave space. I've continued to do things around the house that I know he needs done but otherwise I just gave space. It wasn't what I wanted to do though. I wanted to be able to give the warm touch or an act of service to let him know he's cherished.

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