Collaborate without boundaries

Today I just don't want to.

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Today I just don't want to. Today I am angry. I feel like my husband has never had that Agape love for me and it's hurtful. I am trying desperately to get through this challenge but I don't want to. I've had to set my mind on love being a choice and we do it even when we don't feel like it. I had my mind made up that I would do the challenge but not anything directly for him. I would get something for the girls since he truly believes that I want to hurt them. 

I couldn't do it that way. God really pressed in to me and I got him the muscle cream that he has been talking about needing more of. I feel like a two year old pitching a tantrum and I'm really trying not to be. I know that if satan is trying to keep me from doing this dare the right way then it's one I need to see to completion the right way. 

On a more positive note, he worked today. Unless he has called an attorney that he knows and gotten them to draft papers he hasn't filed yet. I didn't make his lunch today because I was certain he was off. I am starting to question again whether or not I still need to be doing those things. Those are the only things that he hasn't directly asked me to stop doing but I also feel like I'm not giving him anything to miss. 

My youngest son told me this morning that he had told his step sister about her dad wanting a divorce at school yesterday and she was pretty upset. My husband was suppose to have told them this week and apparently didn't. I'm pretty sure this is why he was so angry with me yesterday and is convinced that I want to make things more difficult for him and his girls. 

God reminded me today about a prayer I prayed several weeks back, before this came out of the blue. I was sitting at church by myself. My husband and I had an argument the night before. I tithed (which I always did before my husband was in charge of our finances). I told God that I was tired of being disobedient and asked his forgiveness. I told God I knew it would be hard but I would tithe from my checks regardless of what my husband did with his. I asked God to help me step out of the boat and to walk on water, trusting him, as Peter had done. The next week is when my husband declared he wanted a divorce. Exactly one week to the day is when he starting researching his divorce options. This is definitely not what I had in mind when I said that prayer. 

I know that God is good all the time and all the time God is good. I know that God has me here for a purpose and that he will make something good of my mess. Today is just hard. Please say a prayer for me. 

  • Tonight I had to message and let him know what my plans are. Me telling my husband that I'm not giving up is infuriating him. I messaged to let him know that I was not moving out by next week as he has requested and that for now the car will have to remain in his name. He's still at work most likely because he hasn't responded yet. I'm expecting pure anger. I explained that for the last year he has been the only dad my sons have known and we packed up our entire lives to move here with him. I told him that I'm not moving them again and they are not changing schools again. I told him that he is the one that decided to leave this and he doesn't get to disrupt everyone's lives because he wants to walk away. I left the muscle cream out and took down all of my post it's. If he's feeling conviction I want him to know that it's coming from God. I don't want to make him feel like I'm trying to control him or force him in to anything he doesn't want. Prayers would be appreciated.

  • Dare completed - it sounds like God spoke to your heart to do the dare and you were obedient.  Obedience always brings blessing in some form or fashion.  As far as fixing the lunches - this is just my thought, but here goes.  I have made/packed my DH's lunch every morning before he leaves for work since we've been married.  I did that because I love him.  Many people have said that I should quit.  But my response is this:  I still love him.  If I made his lunch because I loved him, than what has changed??  I feel like to stop making DH's lunches would be nothing but retaliation on my part, and that certainly is not loving or Christ-like.

  • I agree. It's in those moments when I am angry that I am unsure about continuing to do those things. However, I am reminded that God never stops taking care of me regardless of how I am behaving. For the first time my husband didn't come home to sleep. He stayed at his parents with the girls and I was able to sleep in our bed. After a good nights sleep I have new strength and determination. I just read the dare for today though and already feel like it's impossible since he will not be coming home again tonight (I feel pretty certain). Time to pray and let God show me what I can do today.

  • He hasn't loved you with agape love.  But look at the splinter in your own eye.  Do you have a splinter of not really loving him with agape love before you started doing the dares?  None of us love perfectly.  Some less perfect than others.  If you have/had room to improve your love for him, allow him time to be convicted enough to improve his love for you.

  • When we get angry with our spouses, yes, I think we have a right to be not happy with the foolish ways they are acting.  But, or anger often comes from we have expectations of them. For right now, let all expectations go, and let all negative thoughts of the them from days on past go too.  And your anger will dissapate.  

    Keep making the lunches. It was a routine before.  Dropping that now would be showing less unity.

  • As far as him being angry about the daughter finding out.   Yes, he will transfer the blame than belongs on his shoulders to you.  Not fair, but he will.  But, he will let the anger go as well.  He has to many thoughts and pulls and convictions to hold onto this anger.  

  • Yes, let it all fall on him.  If he wants to live under a different roof than you, then let him take on all the burdens.  That has always been my viewpoint.

    I will say, and i don't want to talk for anyone else, but Sean and Jenn I believe use to say If given d papers, they would sign.  But trust that God could change the situation before the papers came into effect.  To me, I would say why sign?  It isn't something that I want or something that is right.  So, yes, I would say let him move before you and the kids move.  

    But, this is just my view point, nothing I have learned in reading others replies.  

  • I can't not sign papers if that is what he wants but the attorney reminded me that it's not going to move as quickly as he'd like. God can do a lot in that time. I will continue to fight for our marriage until I can't anymore. Thank you for reminding me that my love for him wasn't what it needed to be before I started this journey either.

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