Collaborate without boundaries

This is getting harder

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Again today I immediately told my best friend that I wasn't sure I could do today's challenge. I stayed at her house until almost 1:00 this morning since I had arranged a sitter for last night in hopes that he would want to spend some time together. He did not so she and I sat on her porch for hours talking through my situation and her giving me encouragement. I went home, put on War Room. I decided to sleep on the couch since the kids do not have TV's in their bedrooms and I really just needed to watch something motivating. 

He came in about 2:00 this morning and went straight to our bedroom and went to sleep. So, no response whatsoever to yesterday's challenge. 

This morning I got up and made the coffee while he was still sleeping. I went to our bedroom and got my clothes ready for church and had to go downstairs for something. I heard him get out of the bed and go into our bathroom to shower (where all of my things were). I waited until I was sure he was dressed and knocked on our bedroom door and asked if I could come in. There was no response. So, I went to the bathroom (he was in the closet) and just began getting ready. This is the first time we have even been in the same room together while we were both awake in several days. 

He sat down to put on his shoes and I just asked. "Can you please tell me a few things that I may have done or am doing that make you uncomfortable or irritated with me?" He sat there almost stunned and trying to gather himself or his anger. He scoffed and took his shoes to the living room. He poked around in the fridge and left. It appeared he was getting ready to go to church as well. This excites me. He hasn't been to church in months. Honestly, we had both gotten out of church but in the last couple of months I have been taking the kids by myself while he sleeps. 

I'm trying desperately to remember that it's my job to do the challenge and everything else is up to God. Sometimes I feel like Peter walking on water. Nothing under my feet is stable, yet when I take each step (the challenges) my feet land on something solid. 

Anger is beginning to build in me a bit. I've had to remember that the angry is secondary to the rejection. Not sure what today will hold but I'm praying that the kids and I are able to have a good one regardless. Now, it's time for church!

  • He came home for about an hour. He sorted bills and we discussed the cars and bills for a bit. Well, really it was me asking a few questions and him giving short answers but that's better than what we've had. He left without me knowing and barely said 2 words to my sons. But I have to count this as a small victory. I know God is for our marriage and for our family. I can't allow myself to get caught up in hurt feelings. There is too much to lose.

  • It will continue to get harder, but those are the times when we experience the most growth as we are obedient.  It's ok that you got no response to yesterday's challenge.  Remember - no expectations!  My husband didn't have anything to say when I asked him what I did to irritate him either.  He just shook his head like I had asked the most ridiculous question!  It took me a while to get angry too - and my anger was also mainly because of the rejection that I was/am experiencing.  But I have to remember all the times that I have rejected God.  Jesus didn't hang on that cross out of anger, but out of love.  Hang in there - keep doing the dares and asking God to use this situation to transform you.

  • Just as Determined said, things often get worse before getting better.  And like she said, that is often when the most growth can potentially happen when you trust Christ and continue the dares as they should be done.  

    When you find yourself getting angry with him, choose to forgive him and feel sorry for him, because you are to love him  unconditionally.

  • He came home again last night and I was honestly surprised. I had to tell my son's last night and that was super tough. One son is completely shut down at the moment and the other asked to go speak to his counselor at school. My husband was a little softer yesterday when he came back home that night. (Not sure how to describe it other than softer. He did walk around like he was angry at the world.) I did message him (even though I know I am not suppose to do extra). I had to confess where I know I have been wrong in our marriage. I also told him that I'm aware I can't force him to stay married and I don't want to do that. I told him that I only want time to allow God to continue working in me and that I was very sorry that somewhere along the way I had forgotten that making us better starts with me being better. There was no response but I also didn't expect one. I've done better this weekend at controlling my anger and you guys are right.... Hurting for him and understanding his side is the only thing that dissolves that anger. And even my hurt.

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