Collaborate without boundaries

Loving from afar

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I stop in from time to time to catch up on everyone's journals.  Even though I feel that I was faithful to God and my husband, and obedient to love DH as God led me, I feel inadequate to respond to many journal entries because my own marriage ended in divorce - who am I to encourage anyone?  I know that God has allowed everything to happen for his perfect reasons.  And honestly, some of what has happened has been my own fault, and we reap what we sow.  I chose to marry a man that did not share my strong Christian convictions, even though he claims to be a Christian. 

It’s been 4 weeks today since I last had contact with him.  We filed an extension on our tax return in April.  He agreed to filing jointly for 2017 because it will save quite a bit of money.  I am self-employed, and filing jointly really helps.  I asked him 4 weeks ago about his portion of the tax info.  He said that he could have it ready by the next week.  I asked him to just let me know when he had the stuff together, and he said that he would.  Fast forward 4 weeks.  I haven’t heard anything from him, so I sent him a text this morning.  I tried to be as pleasant as I could.  I said good morning and told him that I hoped he was staying dry today (it’s raining cats and dogs here today).  I asked if he happened to have his part of the tax info together yet.  He responded that he could have it early next week if that would be ok.  I told him that I would be out of town Tues-Thur next week visiting my son, and that I am having knee surgery (torn meniscus) on the 17th, and that I am wanting to accomplish as much as I can before the surgery because I won’t be able to drive for a week or two.  He said ok, and that he was sorry to hear about the surgery.  I told him thank you, and that was it. 

His part of the taxes is really pretty simple.  It wouldn’t take more than about an hour to complete – just going through his checkbook and adding up some expenses.  I am not sure why he hasn’t done this.  Perhaps it is for the same reasons that I didn’t contact him earlier than July about the taxes.  It is painful to communicate with him now.  I miss him.  I also know that once we file the taxes and do a few more little things, we will never have a reason again to have any contact, and I put off contacting him because I know filing the taxes ushers in the true finality to everything.  Perhaps those things are hard for him too.  Or perhaps he feels like the longer he waits, the more time I will have to heal and perhaps be able to tell him that things are ok – I think he desperately wants to hear that I am no longer hurting because me being hurt makes him feel guilty.

I have continued to pray for him from time to time.  I have continued to pray for his eyes to be opened to the truth of who God really is and who he is in relation to God. I have prayed that he would believe God’s truth rather than Satan’s lies. I have prayed for God to open his heart and place in him the desire for God above all else.  There is nothing more that I desire than for him to have a thriving relationship with God.  Second to that, I wish that he could find it in his heart to love me and want to be my husband, but I know that is wishful thinking, and so whenever I find myself wishing for that, I try to stop and pray instead for his relationship with God.  I still love him so much, from afar.  He will never know how much.

 

  • I am really sorry to see you in such hurt.

    Honestly though, your feedback is welcome. You can offer insight now with plenty of knowledge from your experiences.

    Prayers

  • God shows his strength in our weakness, If we submit to his will in these things then he will flood us with his strength to do his work, Your incite and the wisdom gained in your trial are relevant to both those that reconcile and those who don't because you chose to seek God and you found him. Don't be afraid to bless others with what God has given you.

  • Do not feel inadequate in responding.  it is he who failed while you succeeded.  His actions reflect nothing upon you.  

    If he asks how you are doing, tell the truth.  No reason to lie.  Tell the truth completely, but not trying to manipulate him into feeling guilt upon his conscience.  If he feels bad, that's on him and He has the same God as you to take away the suffering like you have.  

    Be in peace and no matter if he keeps in contact or now, live a life of peace and joy in Christ and you surely will not be dissapointed in His divine providence He has in store for you.

  • You still have a testimony. I mean, my marriage ended in divorce, and my testimony has become even stronger. Not only was I able to forgive some of the most horrible things a person can forgive, but I reconciled for a number of years, but her fall from alcoholism was not my fault. It was her choice.

    Your input to these posts could be exactly what God has in store for your testimony and your experiences.

    Help those learn from what you experienced.

  • My marriage also ended in divorce a month ago but I stood for my wife the entire year and a half we went through this. No matter what I still believe she can come back but this last month has been harder on me that all the other months combined because I found out for sure she was having an affair because she started bring the guy I questioned her about around our children. I never thought this was possible so I still can't reconcile it in my mind that my sweet loving wife could cheat on me. It's altered my path with God and I am trying desperately to hold on to Him. It's going to take a long time to get through this and in the mean time our children are suffering but I just can't bring myself to communicate with her at all because I just want answers that she is not willing to give and as long as she continues to parade this affair partner around to our kids the more it makes me want to withdraw from her.

    What differs from your story is that my wife had much stronger Christian convictions than me. This situation flipped that. She fell from grace and I found salvation. God worked good from this for me but no one will ever convince me that this is His plan. He would never plan a divorce. How He will continue to work good is beyond me. I will do my very best to stay on a righteous path but who knows what will happen to my wife. I just keep pushing her further away by resisting her relationship with this other man.

    I pray for her every day and night and I still love her but can't face her because of this other man.

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