Collaborate without boundaries

Love is not rude

  • Comments 9

I had to reach out to DH this afternoon.  I have been concerned because I have not received any paperwork to maintain my health insurance through cobra. I called his employer beginning on Monday, and left a message, but did not leave my name. I only said that I needed information about cobra. I called back this morning, and left my name. The HR lady called me back within about 20 minutes. She told me that she had no idea that DH was divorced, that he had not let them know, and that he was still paying my insurance premiums out of his check. He has received three paychecks since our divorce was final. The first paycheck was too soon for my premiums to be halted. But why in the world, as much of a penny-pincher as he is, has he not taken his employer the paperwork so that they are no longer deducting my insurance out of his paycheck?  I sent him a text that I got concerned because I haven't received any paperwork for cobra and I only have about two more weeks to get it done, so I told him that I had called his employer to check on it. I asked if he would mind giving them a copy of our divorce paperwork so that I can get the cobra taken care of. He replied "ok wishing you well."  I had a hard time reading his reply. The first thought in my head was "whatever!"  I knew that I couldn't respond with that, so my inclination was to just ignore him. But I didn't feel right about that.  I pulled out my Bible and opened it to 1 Corinthians 13.  I read about how love is kind, and not rude.  I guess it's rude not to acknowledge when someone has wished you well, even if they did just divorce you. So I replied "thank you".  What he has done hurts me so much.  Not just emotionally but financially.  I am self-employed, and have been on his insurance. It will cost me around $600 per month to get insurance on my own, and I think that cobra will cost me about the same. That's a lot of money.  He's doing that to me but wishing me well? Whatever.

  • YOu stood in the trial before the d in an attitude of love.   Now you are showing the anger.  Get back to being in what the dares taught.  Namely patience and kindness.

    He deserves nothing.  But he's a child of God and He says to love one another.  So, this is your chance to continue to do so.  You may only be able to love him like you would love a child of God that you pass on the street, bu hold no anger.

    If he deserves revenge, let God handle any vengeance.  You show love when you can in your thoughts, they become actions.  

  • Man, I cried after reading this and Tim's response. We don't deserve anything and neither do our spouses. But we still need to love them and hope one day they will love us too. It's sad to think about God's vengeance upon them but that's what could happen. Speaking from experience it's not fun.

    I would say he's embarrassed. That's why he didn't tell his employer.

    I couldn't agree more with your last few sentences. I'm hurt terribly. You know what it feels like. Emotionally and financially. To continue to show love through all this pain is a true testimony. I really do hope God does something wonderful for you.

  • I am angry. Just as God would get angry with Israel for disregarding the covenant, I am angry with DH for disregarding our covenant.   I’m trying to work through it, and do the right thing. That’s why I decided to respond to his text with a thank you. I do agree with you, Tim, that continuing to harbor anger and  dwelling on it in my thoughts will not be productive or loving.

  • We were called by God to stand, we chose to obey, don't forget that. We are with you, and supporting you with prayer, don't go back into the wilderness to die, come out into the land God promised.

    stay in the dares

  • I am angry too. I want to punch my wife in the face. She deserves it but what would it accomplish. Like Romans 12:19-21 says- being nice is much more productive than being mean. There are so many proverbs telling us why anger is bad. Its the only thing that gets me through. Thank God for His perfect words.

  • Anger, is an emotion.  jUst control your anger and don't let it control you.  Such as your last word in your journal, Whatever.  You would have never come close to using that word in this context before the d.  

    Sometimes we go through the dares learning kindness and patience we bury the emotion of anger.  Just don't let it become what controls all your words, thoughts, and behavior.

  • Anger, is an emotion.  jUst control your anger and don't let it control you.  Such as your last word in your journal, Whatever.  You would have never come close to using that word in this context before the d.  

    Sometimes we go through the dares learning kindness and patience we bury the emotion of anger.  Just don't let it become what controls all your words, thoughts, and behavior.

  • Anger, is an emotion.  jUst control your anger and don't let it control you.  Such as your last word in your journal, Whatever.  You would have never come close to using that word in this context before the d.  

    Sometimes we go through the dares learning kindness and patience we bury the emotion of anger.  Just don't let it become what controls all your words, thoughts, and behavior.

  • You are right, Tim. I would have never come close to using the word "whatever" prior to the divorce. Never. I don't want that attitude to permeate my thoughts.  

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