Collaborate without boundaries

It's over

  • Comments 8

It's been a long day. I woke up married, and I am going to bed divorced. I prayed right up through time for the court hearing that DH would back out.  He sent me a text at 9:23 this morning that read "I am home now. I am very sorry, I feel ashamed and I know that I should. I wish you the best and always will be rooting for you. You've been better to me than anyone. I will never forget you, you are special and my prayers are with you always."  I thanked him for sending me the text and letting me know that it was over. I told him that I had stuck a letter in the mail for him, and that we would need to work some stuff out in the future about our savings account, Netflix, taxes, etc. I explained that I couldn't do that right now because I needed some time and space to grieve. He replied that I could let him know and that he was praying for me.  I wrote him a letter and stuck it in the mail today. It talked about how we met almost 20 years ago, and how we had gone through every major life event together. Marriages, births, deaths, Job loss, illness, moves, graduations. I told him that even though time has changed a lot of things in our lives, the one thing that it had never changed was the way that I feel about him.  I told him that I appreciated his friendship and the fact that he wanted to remain friends and remain on speaking terms. I told him that I hoped he could appreciate the fact that I need some space and time to grieve. I told him in this letter that if on down the road, he decided that this was a mistake and that he wanted to reconcile the marriage, I would be open to it. But I also told him that I felt the same way now that I did five years ago when we ran into each other at Walmart after having been broken up for many years. I told him then that I was not interested in seeing him again if the relationship wasn't going anywhere. I feel the same way now. I told him that I couldn't just hang out with him or go have dinner with him. It would be too painful. Plus, I told him that I wanted to get married again someday. I told him that after being single for so long, and then being married, I really preferred to be married. I told him that I liked having someone to come home to, someone to eat dinner with, someone to cook for, someone to care for, that I liked feeling needed and loved and desired. As much as he hated marriage, I really liked it, and I liked it with him, and I told him that. He will be receiving this letter on what would've been our 4th anniversary. I told him that rather than say "happy anniversary", I will just say "thank you". I closed the letter with Philippians 1:3, "I thank my God every time I remember you".

And so, thus closes a chapter in my life.  I miss my DH so much. Grief overwhelms me. Every time that I think about never sharing a meal with him again, or never sharing his bed, the tears cannot be held back.  I will never fully understand all that has happened.  How can it be that this man who still loves me and wants to see me and have dinner with me, how can it be that he stood in a courtroom today and declared that I am guilty of inappropriate marital conduct?  I know that God allowed the events of today to happen, and I also know that all of his plans are good. Since my marriage ended in divorce, Satan wants me to believe that my prayers went unanswered and that everything I did over the last 10 months was in vain.  I am going to work tonight on a list of lessons learned and blessings received through this trial.  Maybe I will have that ready to share in a day or so.
  • My heart goes out to you. Prayers.

  • May the God of peace be with you in this time and comfort you with his love. never give up hope. God will never leave you.

  • I am grieved for you. I will be in the same boat soon and it hurts to even think about. Your strength through this is admirable. I can see that he knows this is a mistake and it just doesn't make any sense to me. I was talking to my brother-in-law last night and he said it doesn't have to make any sense to me because other people don't think like me. Your DH doesn't think like you. Things are affecting him to make him think that this is right so until something changes to change his thinking he will always be stuck in his current mindset. It's a tragedy.

  • Just file his unexexplainable actions in the does not mistake file and don't let it burden you.

    Fir 10 months God used that season to prepare you for this new season you have entered.  Grieve.  Cry.  Punch pillows.  Or whatever you feel like doing.  Then live humbly and boldly in Christ.

    And be open to him coming back.

    He mentioned a few times he will pray for you.  Next time you see him tell him

  • You need prayers.  (Who doesnt?). And ask him to say a prayer for you as well as himself.

  • I think all of be us.  People you have never met.  Are feeling the great let down.  And your pain.  Jesus eeot.  And there's a time for that.  But you have the endurance in Christ to begin, at some point, your next season.

    Be hopeful in Christ.

  • I do not like typing.  Especially on a phone.  Sorry about the typos.

    Mistake should be does not make sense file.  Jesus cried...

    Hopefully the other typis can be figured out.  No idea how some words popped up.

  • I am so sorry.  My heart ached as I remembered the day my divorce was final.  There are really no words, are there?  I've been divorced over a year now and I still wear my rings.  As I read your last 2 posts, I had a moment when I thought, "gosh, I wish my husband still wanted to go to dinner with me or hang out with me at any time".  In a way you are blessed that he doesn't hate you for reasons you don't understand.  I am on the outside, though, so I can see a blessing where you see only pain right now.  I am so so sorry.  I know that anguish and pain and I wish you weren't having to experience it.   Remember, though, that divorce on paper doesn't mean God is finished with you and your husband.  God is able to create something beautiful out of what looks like nothing.  I will continue to pray.

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