Collaborate without boundaries

A very bad day

  • Comments 7

I think today has been the worst day of my entire life. I took the afternoon off, and spent the time praying, reading the Bible, and talking to my counselor. I feel so stupid. I really expected DH to call me when he got home from work and tell me that he had postponed or canceled the divorce.  Instead, I got no phone call at all. So, around 7 o'clock, I sent him a text that asked if I had understood him correctly last night as he was leaving my house that he would call me today. He replied back yes, and said that I could either call him or that he could call me. I replied that he could call me. I waited for about a minute, and then he sent a text asking if now was a good time. I knew because of the delay that I was going to be receiving bad news.  I told him that now was fine. I waited another two minutes, and he called. DH chit chatted about work and about the weather. When there was a pause in conversation, I asked him if he was going to court tomorrow.  As much as you think you're prepared to hear the news, I'm not sure you ever are. He told me that he had thought about it all night and all day, and that he did not foresee ever changing his mind. Therefore, he was going through with the divorce. He said that we could always get back together on down the road if we decided this was a mistake. He also told me that he wanted to remain friends and on speaking terms, that if I ever wanted to, we could go out for dinner or hang out. I told him that I didn't think that I could do that. That it would be very painful for me. I told him that it would be different if he came to me and said that he had made a mistake and wanted to reconcile the marriage. But to just hang out, I can't do that. He told me that I could call him, and I told him that I couldn't. After all, he was divorcing me. I asked him what would happen in court tomorrow. He told me that he and his attorney and a witness will meet in the judges chambers and that the judge would ask him and the witness a few questions. I asked him who the witness was, and he told me that he was hesitant to tell me because people always hate the witnesses. He ended up telling me that his witness will be his daughter. I asked DH if I was really guilty of inappropriate marital conduct.  He said it was a broad term, and that his attorney told him since we could not be divorced for irreconcilable differences, this would be the reason. I asked him again if I was guilty of inappropriate marital conduct. He said that he did not want to hurt my feelings, but that at times I was very controlling. I told him that I was sorry, and he said that he knew I was. And so there you have it. This is the last night that I will spend as a Mrs. There is a part of me that still holds out hope. A part of me that prays that he gets to the courthouse and can't go through with it. But I know the odds of that are very small. I know that with God all things are possible, but he has allowed DH to exercise his free will.

I asked DH to please send me a text when it's over. He said he would. I guess I'll take my rings off when I get the text.  I'm not sure what to do at this point.  God woke me up at 4 o'clock in the morning on August 22, with the story of the last supper on my mind. I pulled out my Bible in those wee hours of the morning, and God made it clear to me that I was to love DH to the very end, no matter whenever and wherever that might be. It appears that the end has come.  I have done so through the Lord's strength to the best of my ability, and I feel released. Even though I am far from perfect, I have no regrets. I feel thankful and blessed to have had the opportunity to love him in this way.
  • Have no expectations.  Well, I think we all kind of were expecting him to change his mind.  I think we were all hoping you would be the one to have your marriage reconcile and still stick around sharing testimony on this site instead of  how most people walk away from the site after they get what they needed.

  • Many people do leave there ring on after a d.  

    You are to show kindness and patience yet with him even if a d happens.  but I am not saying that includes spending time or not  spending time with him after a d happens.  

    I admit my flesh is feeling very strong right now, so my words should probably be not read.  But, you can still consider yourself married in God's eyes and that  is far more important than what man's court says.  

    I am feeling frustration.  Frustration that a person can feel and show the stress of Christ's conviction so  strongly and still follow the flesh.

  • I'm sure we all want to  grab him by the shoulders and say wake up dummy!  you're following a path of  misery.  And in this misery he may end up turning back to God's will and you.  and if/when he does, you need to be ready to accept him back.  

    His daughter while being a witness may flaunt the flesh and he may be so off put in this when he in his mind  compares her flesh to the light of  Christ you have been shining.  And this may get him to change his mind.  

    You do need to forgive her in her part of this.

  • Eddie has pointed out  how many people  remarry after a d.  I remember in the beginning  days before I started the LD looking for  info on this and I remember reading 50% of  the people that d end up remarrying.  

    still, have no expectations in what he chooses to do, but still have great expectations in what  God can still do.

    As Christ new He was going to be betrayed  in the last supper, maybe this is a sign you are to remember to handle what  he potentially  is doing to you as well as Christ did when he was betrayed by Judas.

  • If the worse happens, you ae prepared in doing the dares and standing for the marriage, to live in joy in God's divine providence for you.

    Weep if you want, but know you can be in His joy even in sorrow.

    God isn't done with this.  Be still and know  He is the God that  is handling everything on your behalf.  

  • Tim is right, when you have done all to stand firm, God is still in this. Don't give in to disparity. Remember that forgiving his daughter will free you so much more and she may be won for christ by your conduct.

    I have determined not to take off my rings until my wife remarries and we aren't even talking much less about divorce. There is so much hope, don't give in.

  • It is frustrating to watch a person go through this when the smart mature choice is right in front of them. Yet they would rather ruin countless lives in pursuit of their own happiness. And it won't last. There is no happiness in the world. It's a tough lesson to learn by experience but he will learn it. He will regret his decision.

    You have been outstanding in your stance for marriage. This is such a problem in the United Stated today. People just don't see it but we are getting very close to, if not as bad as, some of the Old Testament cities that God destroyed because of all the immorality. If God were to search for some righteous people on earth you would be one of them.

    It's also never over. You could be back together five years from now and happier then ever. It's happened thousands of times. Stand strong with God by your side.

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