Collaborate without boundaries


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God has been gracious. God has heard my cries. God is still pursuing my husband. This evening around 5:30, the silence was broken. DH called me. I happened to be crying when he called, and he could tell.  He chit-chatted about his weekend, asked about mine.  It was awkward at times with periods of silence.  We talked for probably 45 minutes.  Then he said that he would let me go.  At that point, I asked him why he called. DH told me that he just wanted to talk to me, and that he had something to say but that it never came up in conversation. I asked him what it was. He told me that he was still having doubts, but that he felt like postponing again was unfair to me.  I told him that I wanted him to understand in no uncertain terms that postponing it again was completely fair to me. He asked me how so. I told him that I didn't want the divorce, and that I didn't care if he postponed it for six months.  He told me that he didn't know if he could even postpone it again. He didn't know if the attorney would let him with the money that he has already paid or if the attorney would just advise him to drop it.  He also told me that he just didn't think he could ever be happy married. I told him that I didn't think he could be happy unmarried either.  He said I was probably right but that he just had to try to be happy.  He had mentioned earlier in the conversation going to his daughter's tomorrow evening.  I asked him if I understood him correctly that he was going to his daughters house tomorrow, and he replied "yes, why?" I told him that I was thinking about asking him to come over tomorrow evening. He replied "what's wrong with now?"  I told him nothing was wrong with it and that he was welcome to come over.  So, he did.  All he wanted was sex.  He didn't want to talk about the divorce at all.  I think he just wanted to connect with me tonight.  First by phone and then in person.  So, I am very thankful for that.  At one point, I asked him where his phone was. He told me that he had left it in the truck. When I asked why, he told me so that his daughter wouldn't call. He has been leaving his phone in the truck every time he has come over.  I think he knows that his daughter is an issue, and doesn't know how to handle it.  As he left, he hugged me tight and kissed me. I looked up at him and told him that I did not want this to be goodbye, but that if it was, I love him. He hugged me and told me that I deserve much better than him.  I told him that God brought us together in that Walmart parking lot five years ago, and how could I deserve better when God had already arranged the best for me?! He hugged and kissed me tight, and turned to leave. As he walked out the door, he said that he would call me.  I couldn't help it, I started crying as he walked out the door.  The way he walked out my door made me think that it might be for the last time.

DH brought me a bag in it this evening with a cucumber, two tomatoes, and a box of raisinnets.  I had the little self inking stamp that I bought for him wrapped up and I gave it to him. I think he was pleased with it. I am so thankful that God gave me the opportunity to give him that little gift. Who knows, it may be the last gift that I ever give him. It made me so happy to do so.  I am so thankful that God called me, in the midst of terrible rejection this summer, to love this man to the very end, whenever and wherever that might be.  And God has been faithful to enable me to be obedient to his calling by providing both opportunity and strength.  I thank God for protecting my marriage for one more day.  I think that I will send DH a text tomorrow morning that says something like "I sincerely ask you to consider postponing the court date for a number of months, or if you can't, withdrawing the divorce complaint altogether.  Without the pressure and stress of an arbitrary court date, both of us will have time and space to figure out what's really important to us.  I already moved out and I think that was one of the biggest issues."  I wonder if that is too much pressure.  I will pray about it.
  • If I remember correctly, you have talked to him about how pursuing happiness does not ever provide happiness.  but  pursuing God does bring something better than happiness, and that  is His joy.

    If he doesn't understand that, say a prayer with him about finding joy in doing what  he's called to do.  

    If he comes over in the evening again, could you ask him to spend  the night?  

  • I don't mean this as a put  down, but he sure sounds like a big baby wanting everything his  way and then pouting it isn't working out.  And yet  not wanting to deal with why it's not working out very well for him.  So, you need to  continue to  be the leader by example in how to be in the peace and joy he needs.  And until he turns  to Christ and His will, then so be it, let him feel the bottom of the pit he has chosen to be in.

  • That isn't meaning for  you to  keep him in the pit, but for the pit to be part of the catalyst to  bring him to Christ.  

    He seems a bit afraid of what the lawyer is going to say too.  And also what his daughter will say too.

    Maybe this is showing him he has an odd relationship with her.  IN that he had been depending on his child for strength and guidance.   This I would  think would also put a  strain on her  marriage with her spending so much time on her dad.  And for him to have to leave his phone because he doesn't want to deal with her calling, really shows she must call non stop if he's worried about  her calling in a short  time frame.  

    It's good he's  close to his daughter but the  leaving and cleaving thing hasn't been done in their relationship.  But maybe it will start with him leaving his phone  and realizing his daughter isn't offering the best words of encouragement or advice.

  • I think he's been trying to find relief in postponing the d. but it really isn't doing this for him.  and he's coming closer and  closer  to  realizing that the only way to  find relief from the stress of this  is to cancel the whole thing.  But, maybe if he realizes more fully you accept that you both stay under different roofs for a time till he gets more comfortable will make him feel better.  Or maybe it's best to  move back in as husband and wife  if he chooses to drop the d.

    Keep praying as you are that the conviction leads him to  listen and follow the Holy Spirit to  stand for the covenant he  made.

  • Tim has nailed this. Happiness can only be found in God. Happiness found in the world is only temporary. That is something that took me over 20 years to figure out. I thank God that I am here to read your story and respond to it so I can remind myself of these things. What a blessing to be a part of this community.

    Your DH is so confused. There's only one thing that can help him- putting his complete faith in Jesus Christ. Oh how I pray he sees this. He knows his daughter is wrong. He knows you are right. I hope he ends this. I hope he sees God's love and accepts it. That's all it will take.

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