Collaborate without boundaries

Waiting for an answer

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I wrote DH a letter last night and stuck it in his mailbox this afternoon.  I basically told him that I couldn’t help but think about our conversation last night.  I told him that I had really enjoyed reconnecting with him the past couple of weeks and that I was scared to death of how Tuesday (d-day) would affect that.  I told him that he was right about something – he was right when he said last night that he can’t figure out how to make everyone happy. Neither one of us can figure that out right now.  It would take time and talk.  I also told him that when he said that he had asked himself how long we could live separately but married, that I thought we would both agree that it wouldn’t work indefinitely.  But I told him that I thought he was very wise and insightful for thinking in those terms – in terms of a separation.  I told him that’s exactly what I felt we needed.  I said that in my opinion, we had more meaningful conversation since I moved out than we had in a very very long time.  I told him that I thought his comment about feeling “trapped” in marriage had something to do with that.  I told him that as I thought about his “trapped” comment, something he told me many, many years ago came to my mind.  I recalled how he told me that he had to marry a girl when he was 20 because she was pregnant, how he had dropped out of college to go to work full time.  I said that I would imagine that he felt very trapped at a time in his life when he wanted to get out and run around with his friends and sow wild oats.  I asked him if there was a possibility that the “trapped” feeling he associates with marriage stems from the entrapment that he felt so many years ago.  I also made the comment that unless I had failed miserably at getting to know him, he didn’t strike me as the type that wanted to sow wild oats anymore.  Anyway, I asked him if he would consider this idea of a separation in lieu of the divorce right now.  I told him that I didn’t want the changes that the events of this coming Tuesday would force on our relationship.  I told him that whatever he decided, I would respect.  So, now, I wait for an answer.

As I expected, I haven’t heard anything from him today.  My two closest friends have been such cheerleaders for me today, urging me to “stay in the game”.  God has the final say.  It came to my mind today to buy DH an anniversary card and small gift.  As unfortunate as the timing is, the divorce court date is the day before our 4th anniversary.  So, I bought him a card and – don’t laugh – a self-inking “COPY” stamp.  The other night when he was at my house, he asked how people printed documents with a red “COPY” printed across the front of them.  He needed to make a copy of a lease document for one of his tenants with the word stamped on it.  He is not very computer literate – can surf the web and check email and facebook, but that’s about it.  So, I bought him a red self-inking stamp.  I think that if I haven’t heard anything about a postponement, I will contact him on Monday and ask if he would like to stop by Monday evening.  I will give them to him then.  If I hear that he his postponing, I will save them for Wednesday.  In the meantime, I am not sure what type of communication to have with DH.  Maybe a simple text here or there to let him know I miss him or am thinking about him.  I don’t know.  I feel like less is probably better.  I know that God doesn’t need my help.

I am praying tonight for all the forces of heaven to be unleashed against the lies of Satan that are bombarding that man.  I am praying for the Holy Spirit to guide him into all truth.  I am praying for his need for Jesus to be revealed in a mighty way.  I am thanking God for protecting my marriage for one more day.  And I count it a privilege to have been given the honor and opportunity and means by which to love this man.  And I am waiting for God's, and DH's, answer.

  • I am praying with you

  • I am praying with you

  • I really just don't know what to say.  part of me says God got you both to this point, do not text or call any longer. But part of me says you both have communitcated well lately, so......

    Part of me says to be still.....

    The thought popped up, but this would be doing much more than being still. But the thought popped up to take your wedding vows you wrote, and stamp in red across it COPY.  And give him that.  Again, the thought popped up, not saying this is a good idea.  

  • What ever is going to happen, God is using these final days to grow your faith and endurance in him.  And maybe even testing you.  Seeing if you will take control from Him when it comes down to the final days and hours.  or if you will keep things in His hands.

    It sure would be nice to be given a tablet with the steps to take wouldn't it?  

    If you feel confused, frustrated, anxious, first of all let it all go to God's most capable hands, and second, just think how confused he is. And as you want God to shower you with kindness and patience and to hold your hand your husband wants these things from you most likely.

  • As you have seen, many people abandon the dares before getting to where you are at. So, I have not read much at all of others suggestions to people in your position, and that's about the only way I get any ideas on what to say.  

    So, the deal is, Seek in Christ what to do.  Do it accordingly.  Let us know.  And you can be the guide for all of us when we get to the stage you are in.  

    YOu've paved a path in this journey to this point, continue to allow God to help you take this path onward.  

  • If we spend our lives trying to make everyone happy it's going to be a miserable life.

    He needs you to be his rock right now. How blessed you are to be in the position to be such a biblical wife. And you are handling it so well.

    He could very well tell the judge in court that he has changed his mind. That has happened thousands of times before.

    My wife's birthday is eight days after our next hearing. I don't think there is any way possible this will be our final hearing but regardless I will still get her a birthday gift. I will still show love under all circumstances with the person I told God I would love forever.

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