Collaborate without boundaries

Love is not jealous

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On July 27, on Day 8 of my first round of dares, I wrote this in the blank spaces provided for Day 8 in the Love Dare book: “God, open my eyes to something that I can celebrate with him.  Open my eyes to something that I can be happy with and for him”.  The dare asked me to share with DH how glad I was about a success or blessing that he had recently enjoyed.  This is something that I really struggled with during each round of dares that I did.  This week, God answered that prayer, and the results had a profound impact on my husband today.

DH is a member of the steelworkers union, and union elections were today.  DH told me a week or so ago that after these elections, he was going to become a committeeman.  This morning, I sent him a text that said “Happy Election Day!  I am so excited that you are going to have the opportunity to become a committeeman.  You are perfect for that role.”  I also sent him a picture that I had created that looked sort of like a business card with a flag draped across the bottom, his name at the top with the word committeeman underneath it, and then underneath that, the phrase “not one to be messed with”.  That’s a joke that he’s always made about himself, saying that he’s not one to be messed with.  When he got the text and the picture this morning, he texted back thank you, and I said you’re welcome.  About 10 minutes later, he sent a text that said “really thanks”.  I sent back a “really welcome”.

Now – here’s the really neat part of this story.  This evening at his bedtime, I get a text out of the blue that says “thanks again, nice”.  I texted back “awwww, thank you”.  A few minutes later, he replied with some tidbits about the election, and ended with saying “Bedtime.  Goodnight”.  I texted “goodnight” back.  If my memory serves me correctly, that may be the first “goodnight” that I have received in just about a year.  There were times just a couple of months ago when I would say goodnight to him on my way to bed, and he wouldn’t even acknowledge that I had spoken.  If he did acknowledge it, he would just toss me a wave of his hand or just nod his head.

My heart rejoices in the fact that God opened my eyes to a success/blessing that DH has had that I could celebrate.  I am so thankful for having been introduced to the Love Dare, and for the Holy Spirit working in my heart this evening to realize that I had put into practice what I had learned and that God had opened my eyes to opportunity.  I don’t think that in our 4 years of marriage, anything that I have done has had such an impact on DH.  His 3 thank-you’s today were huge – he is not one to express his feelings, and to get just one thank-you out of him is doing pretty good.  I am so thankful that even though we are living apart and on the brink of divorce, God is still providing me opportunities to show love through practicing what I learned in the dares.  The joy in my heart over knowing that I was able to do something that was meaningful to DH – words can’t really express it.

To those of you out there who are reading this journal and are early in your dare journey, don’t quit.  Submitting your will to the process of learning to love like God wants us to love – it will change you.  I am still learning and changing everyday, praise God.

  • If  I were you and before the dares, I probably wouldn't have remembered about the elections.  Yet alone congratulated him  in such a way.  It still surprises me how the dares mold each of us that do the dares as intended.  

    Thank God for  that.

    He is responding to God's  calling a little more.  and this is probably decreasing the stress and conviction he has been feeling. Pray if this is the case, that he gains wisdom to understand that it is the conformation to God's will that will continue the reduced stress he's feeling.

  • Does the three thank you's show you what love language he speaks?

    The peace and joy you are feeling now.  Can you imagine if you were at this stage of your walk when this trial hit?  Thank God  in advance that you have grown in Him, in that  the next trial that comes (outside of the marriage, be it a health scare, a job, etc.) that you will be at the stage you know whatever the outcome it will be okay, since you love Him.

  • I would give anything for a "goodnight" from my wife so I can really imagine your joy in that. I would also give up my marriage in exchange for yours to be successful. I don't deserve anything I have and I accept that. I specifically pray for you every night. I'm overjoyed at the small triumphs you report. Six months now I've been doing this and I'm nowhere close to your level of dedication. Thank you for being a light unto my path.

  • Tim, I've been thinking something along similar lines as you. I was just thinking yesterday that the more DH's heart turns back towards our marriage, the less guilt and stress that he will have. And I was hoping that he would understand the correlation.

    And yes, it does really show me what his love language is. I have always known that it was words of affirmation. But I think that what I was choosing to affirm must not have been what really spoke to him.  Or maybe it was the way in which I was saying those words.  I'm not sure but I am going to put some prayer and thought into that.

  • Eddie, none of us really deserves whatever it is that we have. But God is so gracious to us. He provides us with exactly what we need when we need it. Even though we sometimes don't get what we want, we can take great comfort in the fact that God is in control.  Thank you for your prayers, I am praying for your situation too. Hang in there. My morning devotional was about how God makes our paths straight, and that he does this through our trust. Keep trusting.

  • Eddie, none of us really deserves whatever it is that we have. But God is so gracious to us. He provides us with exactly what we need when we need it. Even though we sometimes don't get what we want, we can take great comfort in the fact that God is in control.  Thank you for your prayers, I am praying for your situation too. Hang in there. My morning devotional was about how God makes our paths straight, and that he does this through our trust. Keep trusting.

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