Collaborate without boundaries

Blessed with Godly counsel

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Love is accountable – and I have been so blessed throughout this journey to have the support of some very special Christian friends, and a very wonderful Christian counselor.  It had been 4 weeks today since I last met with my counselor – she had hip replacement surgery.  So, I had a lot to catch her up on today  - a lot!!!  I opened up by telling her that I was supposed to have been divorced on April 3, but I am still married.  I caught her up on the last 4 weeks, which took me about 30 minutes!  She made a couple of good observations.  First, she said that she was reminded of the scripture that says that the fervent prayer of the righteous accomplishes much.  And that God has accomplished much.  No matter what DH may ultimately choose, God has answered prayers and accomplished much.  Second, she said that I was astute (that’s the word she used and I hope I spelled it right!}, astute for recognizing that DH is hesitant to reach out to me for whatever reason, and that I need to remember that and reach out to him and give him an opportunity to connect with me.  Third, she said that it was significant the night that I went to his house to talk to him about the Holy Spirit and conviction of sin that when his daughter called him, he matter-of-factly told her that I had stopped by and that we were talking, and told her he would call her back.  She felt like we had made some significant progress in our discussions.  She said that we still don’t know what the future holds, and told me that she was going to need a new pair of kneepads for all the prayers that she is lifting up on our behalf.  I felt good when I left her office today.  

For many weeks, I have felt God’s direction to be still and know that He is God.  I have dug into scripture and trusted the fact that God is actively at work in DH’s life, and that He is actively at work in my life, and that He is actively at work in the life of our marriage.  At times the silence has been gut-wrenching, but I have known it was necessary.  But last week, I felt a stir in my soul.  I have felt an urge to break the silence.  I haven’t known if it was me trying to take control from God, or me not trusting God.  I haven’t known the source of the stir, but I have felt it.  I have wondered if it is me trying to pull DH’s car up to mine (Tim will understand the reference – I can’t remember whose journal I read that in).  I invited DH to dinner last week because I decided that it wasn’t an act of me trying to take control from God, but me wanting to simply enjoy time with my husband.  As I think about this stir in my soul, I feel like God spoke through 3 separate people today to confirm that it’s ok for me to start reaching out to DH.  First, my counselor told me that DH may not feel comfortable reaching out to me because he may feel confused, ashamed, any number of things.  And he expressed his appreciation for the invitation on Saturday.  So, she confirmed that it is ok for me to break through the silence at this point.  Then I met my best friend after my counseling appointment this afternoon to pick something up from her, and she told me that she felt like I should be a wife to DH over the next couple of weeks – to invite him for a meal, to be intimate with him, to just sit around and enjoy each other’s company – to be husband and wife together because we still are.  Then the comment was made that DH needs love from me now more than ever.  It goes back to that “Love is accountable” thing.  I believe that God works through Godly people to provide us with wise counsel.  

My counselor and I also talked today about DH’s consistent complaint about the marriage – that I am too bossy.  She suggested that I make a prayer for humility and submissiveness part of my daily prayer time, which I have been praying for quite some time.  I feel like I am a long way from the person that I need to be.

  • it popped out at me how he put his daughter on the backburner when he was with you.  I don't think that usually happened in the past.  I suspect she felt that  shift as well.  that's great.

    Was that Sean's journal?  Anyone who hasn't read his journal, I really urge you to do so.  I know I  need to read it again.  read from oldest to newest.  Search schumura.  I believe the pull his car up to yours reference came from his journal.  

  • As or if he chooses to  spend more time with you, he will notice the  bossy part of you has diminished.  I don't know about you, but for me, when things get the tiniest  bit better, the old me wants to creep back in.  

    I should have said diminished or disappeared.  

    It would be so easy to try to take control with him showing some changes.  Keep God in control as you have been seeking in prayer to do.  

  • even if he is to scared or fraught with indecision, and does not cancel the court date and a d happens, I bet he will still desire to spend time with you. And just because a foolish court says you are d, does not overrule the wisdom of  God that you are married.  

    Yes, your husband desires you and wonders what to do or if he's doing the right thing, but he may not know that what he's also desiring is so much more than you.  and that is God.  and even if he doesn't understand that or know he is witnessing God in you, that is what's  pulling his car up to yours.  But you are the one that  is keeping the door open for Christ to  work in him.  

  • It's great that you have such a good therapist. My therapist is not a Christian but he recognizes the importance of my faith and is really good a pointing out scriptural things to me. The marriage therapist I go to is a Christian. I keep going to him with the hope that my wife comes back someday. They both point out a lot of things that they observe like yours that really helps me stay grounded.

    When your counselor says DH may not feel comfortable reaching out I can totally see that. I feel like our souses may think they've gone so far that there is no turning back. That's why they continue on the path they started on. People tell me all the time that there is no way my wife will change her mind and if she does the situation has gone too far to be fixed. When I hear this nonsense I think of Paul. He thought he was doing God's work in persecuting Christians. Once he realized the truth he changed and became the spokesman for Christianity. And he admits that he was the chief of sinners. He's telling us if he can change then anyone can.

    We can all use a big dose of humility and we are all a long way away from the person we need to be. Can you imagine if our spouses wanted to serve God as much as we do? I told my wife once in marriage counseling that everything we accomplished in 20 years was WITHOUT God. I asked her if she could only imagine what we could do WITH God. It was the most touching moment for us in the last two years because she paused, looked up for a second and acknowledged what I said with a "that's true." That was probably eight months ago. For a moment we were on the same page.

    Those consistent complaints are necessary for DH. He has to continually validate his poor choice. I would hate to have to live a life fighting constant conviction and trying to justify it to myself but that's what he is doing.

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