Collaborate without boundaries

A lovely evening

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DH and I had a lovely evening. I sent him a text around 11:30 this morning that just said “hi”. He never did respond. Of course, all kinds of things started going through my head. I got out my Bible, and started reading in Psalms. I prayed, and decided to believe the best. Around 1:30, I sent him another text and asked if he was working today. He replied that he was not. I asked if he would like to come over for dinner, and he said yes. I called him on the phone and we talked for a few minutes to work out the plans.  I cooked one of his favorite meals.  I decided that tonight, I wasn’t going to mention anything about the divorce.  And so, our conversation was filled with talk about work, upcoming union elections (he’s in the union), movies that he’s seen recently, my kids, his grandkids and their puppy, etc.  After dinner, he was ready for dessert - of a more intimate kind.  That was nice too.  When he left, he paused in the doorway, thanked me for texting him today, and said “Bye Baby.”  That’s the second time he’s done that. I still can’t believe he’s even calling me that.   Like I said - it was just a lovely evening.  

I am thankful to my Heavenly Father for such a lovely evening. I am truly savoring the moment. It does appear that something is different with DH’s heart. Very different than a couple of months ago. It’s very hard for me to let myself feel that way because I am so afraid of being disillusioned and disappointed. One thing is for sure - God will never disappoint me. And I’m so thankful to him for protecting my marriage for one more day.
  • Just curious.....How did you know contacting him was the right thing to do?  (This is not me thinking it was right or wrong to contact.)  Just interested in knowing.

    I can understand the not wanting to put thought or invest in how your husband's changed for the better in order to protect yourself in being disillusioned.

    but, is this a way of not showing the vulnerability you had talked about? (I am not saying you are in the right or wrong in this thought process.  Just a thought that popped up.)

    As you see changes in him but do not want to dwell on the changes because you don't want to be hurt, consider taking you out of the picture and replacing you with God.  And how you see a change in your husband and how this change may bring him closer to God (not you).  And then be in joy for this, thanking God for the changes in him because it is paving a path that can bring husband closer to God.

  • Tim, a couple of things actually lead me to believe that inviting DH over for dinner was the right thing to do.. First, your comment about vulnerability.  Your comment reminded me of two things that I wrote in my private journal this summer from a book that I had read. I went back and read those. In order for intimacy to truly exist, you have to to make yourself vulnerable.   I cannot make myself vulnerable unless I allow/invite DH into my life.  I read in the same book that when someone is on the fence, they will not come down off the fence until they feel safe.  How can DH possibly feel safe enough to jump off the fence unless he spends enough time with me to feel safe?  Sure, he spent four years with me and should know that it safe to jump off the fence by now.   But, the past doesn’t matter when you’re trying to decide whether or not to jump off the fence. What matters is how you feel in the present. What your current reality is.  So, I concluded that inviting DH over for dinner was the right thing to do. Second, I examined my motive for wanting him to come over. I concluded that more than anything, I really just wanted to enjoy an evening with my husband.  So that’s why I chose to not bring up any talk of the divorce.  Third,  I prayed and asked God to bless our time together and use it to draw us closer to each other.  DH confirmed that I had made the right decision because he told me that he was very glad that I had sent him a text.  He said that he was hoping that he would hear from me because he was wanting to see me. I told him that he was welcome to reach out to me anytime that he wanted to see me.

  • I appreciate your response.  

    For anyone new or currently doing the dares, it probably isn't good timing for you to do the same and invite your spouse over for dinner at this point, while doing the dares.  Remember, a dare a day, no more, no less.  

    Determined has done a few rounds of the dares.  And it was time for her to do so.  She didn't do it to try fix things such as most all of us try to do in the beginning.  She, and everyone that finds peace in doing the dares, leaves the fixing to God.  

  • Tim, you are so right.  God and God alone is responsible for the mending.   It was completing those first couple of rounds of dares to the best of my ability that laid the groundwork for where we are today.

  • I feel like this is a unique circumstance because we can all see the tremendous conviction that DH is fighting. As a matter of fact all of our spouses are fighting this same kind of conviction but we can see here that it is really getting to DH. He needs love from his wife now more than ever. An evening together without mentioning the d was perfect.

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