Collaborate without boundaries

So much going through my mind!

  • Comments 6


With only 12 days left until d-day, I have been online this evening reading about what should take place.  Since I have refused to have any part of this, and have not responded to his petition for divorce nor hired an attorney, I will not be present in the courtroom that day.  In our state, you cannot divorce for irreconcilable differences unless both parties agree to the divorce and sign the papers.  So, DH is divorcing me for inappropriate marital conduct.  In our state that is defined as “willful and persistent infliction of unnecessary suffering on a spouse”.  Things like physical abuse and verbal abuse fall in this category.  I have been selfish and prideful at times, but absolutely nothing that rises to the level of inappropriate conduct.  When DH goes to court, he will have to state to the judge that I am guilty of inappropriate marital conduct, and he will also have to take a witness that will also testify to that.  I am not sure if the judge will ask him exactly what the conduct was or not.  My husband is a very kind man by nature, and has been fairly kind to me throughout this ordeal. (Granted, filing for divorce is not kind, but he did make sure to have me served at home rather than work, and has been kind in other ways.)  I think that he will have a very difficult time telling the judge that I am guilty of inappropriate marital conduct.  I cannot imagine that he would ask anyone other than his daughter to be his witness, and I know that she will also have an extremely difficult time saying that to a judge.  She told me the last time that we spoke that I was the model for taking a stand for your marriage and that she was sorry this was happening.  It will be like both of them will have to commit perjury in order for DH to get this divorce.  Does DH realize this??

Still no word from DH today.  I have no idea if he knows the court date yet or not.  Surely by now he does.  It’s just 12 days away.  If his attorney mailed him the info rather than called him, I would think he would get it tomorrow at the very, very latest.  He has a sort of fly-by-night type of attorney, and the attorney may not have contacted him at all.  He didn’t contact him to let him know about the hearing this past Monday.  Legally, I had to be contacted in order to give me a last chance to respond, but since DH’s presence wasn’t required, that’s probably why he didn’t know about it.  Of course, my imagination runs amuck with all kinds of different scenarios.  Does he know but hasn’t contacted me because he is struggling/considering postponing the date?  Does he not know, and God has orchestrated it that way so that when he finds out, he will postpone because the court date is so soon?  Does he know and has just decided to let things be, and just can’t bring himself to contact me and tell me that?  Has he already asked for it to be postponed?  I would like to see him once more before things are final.  The weekend before the court date is Easter weekend, and I may go out of town to spend it with my sister, I’m not sure yet.  So, this weekend would be an ideal time to try and get together with him.  Weeknights are difficult because he has to get up so early in the morning.  So, I am thinking that if I don’t get anything in the mail tomorrow, I might just text him and tell him that I would like to see him one more time before things are final, and see what he says.

I know that I have dwelled a lot in my journal tonight on the divorce.  It is weighing heavy on my mind.  However, I am still praying for DH to respond to God’s intervention.  I believe that God is relentlessly pursuing DH, just as the shepherd leaves the 99 to go find the one lost sheep.  I believe that God wants DH to repent.  I believe God wants our marriage to survive – he hates divorce.  I believe that God can prepare his heart, open his eyes, and guard his ways.  And I am praying like the persistent widow in Luke 18.  Over and over and over again.  DH was different when we spoke last Thursday, and I still have hope.  But my hope is not based on DH and his behavior - my hope is based on who God is.

  • Wow!  Just wow!  I was in bed.  I was praying for my husband and for our marriage.  I told God I was going to be like the neighbor who kept pounding on the door asking for a loaf of bread because he had unexpected visitors.  I told Him I was going to be like the woman who kept going to the judge until he gave in and granted her request.  I told Him I am going to keep praying for my husband, every day...keep praying for our marriage, every day.  I couldn't sleep.  I had to get up and check the blog.  I read this, Determined, and you mentioned the persistent widow!  I am grinning like the cheshire cat!  Girlfriend, you are an affirmation from God to keep praying and trusting.  I think He's saying it to you too!  :)  Hang in there!  God's not done with any of us!

  • Again responding, I don't feel the right words....

    Most likely my flesh is giving me the thoughts of go to court, as a spectator.  To just let him know of your presence, without saying anything.  To bring further God's conviction upon him when he perjures and lies about your actions to the judge.  And the same for his daughter or witness.  

    I don't feel at ease saying this, so I am sure it's not something that should  be given any attention.

    And since I have never read anyone else comment on a situalion like this on this site in the past, I know this is coming from me, not a good thing.

  • Jesus didn't defend Himself in front of pilot either.  So, you are probably doing the right thing.  

    The great news is you're hope is  based on God.  You know He loves you more than  the sparrows He cares for when the snow covers their food, you know touching His clothing physically heals, you know asking for forgiveness heals our souls, you know He is able to do all things, all the time.  

    so Keep having  faith and hope in Him. Knowing all the while you will be more than just okay.

  • If Jesus can heal eyes that don't work with mud, surely He can heal your hurt, your marriage, and your husband's foolish way.  

    YOur husband has  had a  hard time dealing with His conscience in what he's doing.  Keep letting God  work on him.  

  • It's so sad to have to lie to preserve your own selfish ways. My wife has actually started saying that I have beat and raped her. Very serious accusations that the judge won't take lightly but I know that God will judge us based on the truth. I worry about what people will think of me but I shouldn't. God knows my heart. He knows yours too. My state is like yours, there must be inappropriate marital conduct and I declined the irreconcilable differences so she has to make accusations, which are lies. Again.... it's sad.

    I would have done exactly like you and went without an attorney but I have children and they asked me to fight for them so now it's a financial battle too. Simply ridiculous and childish. I admire you because you have put it completely in God's hands.

    My imagination runs amuck too. I know how that feels. I ground myself with thoughts of Jesus when it does.

    You can guarantee that God is working on DH. God wants your marriage to survive. I know God is working on my wife also. He's working on me. He wants us to worship Him the way He designed. As husband and wife. As a family.

  • I really appreciate all of your comments this morning.  Linda,  I keep going back to that parable about the persistent widow. Scripture says that Jesus taught that parable so that the disciples would know how to pray and not be discouraged. Tim, I don’t think that I can be a spectator in the quart room. I have thought about that, but because the hearing is based on my default, based on the fact that I have not responded to anything, I believe that the judge will ask If I am present in the court room.  If they discover that I am, it will complicate things and I don’t want DH to think that I have purposefully delayed or tried to sabotage him.  My daughter however swears that she is going to be present in the court room that day.   I hate talking like this. I feel like talking about court means that I don’t have faith that God will intervene.

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