Collaborate without boundaries

Help my unbelief

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Tonight in my Bible study group, a lady came in that hasn’t been there in a couple of weeks.  I don’t know her very well at all.  She sat down beside me, and asked what my “status” was.  I was caught off-guard, and tears started streaming down my face.  Is that what my marriage has been reduced to – a “status”??  I am sure that she had good intentions in asking, but it seemed cruel to me.  My marriage is not a “status”.


We had terrible storms here last night, and DH sent me a text this morning asking if I made it through the storms OK.  I told him yes, thanked him for asking, and asked if he made it through OK.  He just replied with an OK.  I thought it was kind of him to ask.  This evening, I paid his cable bill by phone (health insurance premiums for me and my kids come out of his paycheck, and I pay the cable bill to compensate).  I sent him a text to let him know that I had paid the bill.  He sent a text back that said I didn’t have to but that he really appreciated it.  I told him that I did have to – that was our agreement when the kids and I went on his health insurance.  He replied OK.  Never a word about the impending court date.  Surely his attorney has called him by now to let him know when the court date is.  DH is not very proactive, and it would be unlike him to call – he would just wait for the attorney to call him.  But surely his attorney has called to let him know.  I wonder if DH is going to say anything to me about it.  God has really impressed upon my heart to be still.  To just sit back and leave DH to himself (and to God).  It was very hard this evening when I let him know that I paid that bill not to say something about the court date.  My soul is in such anguish.  Two weeks from this very moment I may be divorced. 


God led me to several scriptures today about fighting our battles for us.  For example, when the Israelites were at the Red Sea, and the situation looked hopeless with the approaching Egyptians, Moses told them “The Lord will fight for you.  All you have to do is to keep still.”  I have asked God tonight to reveal to me what battle he is fighting for me.  I am having a really hard time understanding what battle it is that he is fighting for me.  I ended my study time this evening with Psalm 27:13-14 – “I am certain that I will see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord.  Be strong and courageous.  Wait for the Lord”.  I would like to think that the battle that the Lord is fighting is for DH’s heart and for my marriage.  I would like to think that God is asking me to just wait and let him do the fighting.  But I am really unsure about it.  Is it instead a battle for my heart?  All I know is that I am powerless to save my marriage.  Only God is in the business of giving life back to the dead, and only he can give life back to my marriage. I believe God, please help my unbelief.

  • No matter what he chooses to do with His free will, God will leave a good end to this trial for you since you love Him.  Be content in trusting your Father will take care of you and be not afraid.

    Part of me says reveal the facts of when the court date is coming up to him.  I thought that  on your last entry.  But, you are getting the Be still message given to you.  If you haven't, pray upon if you should tell him about the date.  Assuming the lawyer will tell him, well, that may not be the case.  I am  not so sure that telling him about the date is taking control.  (It would be if you did it with emotion, begging him  to change his mind before the date.)  I don't know, I feel pretty wishy washy about this.

  • Don't take her asking what the status is in the wrong way. She probably didn't know how to ask and maybe thought asking in this way was less offensive than using the d word.  Even if the worse happened and she chose to jab you with those words, which I bet she didn't intend to, let it fall on her, not you.  

    words can so often strike hard.  Just let the words go to the foot of the cross.  and  use the endurance you have gained in Christ to conquer the hurt she brought.  

  • I've had such a hard time accepting what you are saying here. To sit back and be still seems like giving up but it's not and I know that. For some reason though I still want to fight. I think these situations need peace in order for God to do His work. I tried to interfere and it did no good. When you are still God is obviously working on DH. It sounds like he is really doubting or at least thinking about his decision. Conviction is getting to him.

    I've had a couple people ask me what is going on because they have heard rumors. It's hard to talk about and I cry too when it is brought up. What do you say when you are trying to stand up for your marriage and your spouse is leaving. It's a terrible situation. I tell people my wife is leaving me but I stand for marriage. It makes her look bad but I'm never going to say anything different because I do stand firmly for marriage. We all should.

    We are powerless. But our God is not.

  • When people ask how I'm doing, in the back of my mind I think they are really asking about how I'm handling the divorce.  I simply tell them I'm having a good day or a bad day depending on what I'm feeling that day and leave it at that.  They have asked from time to time how things are with my husband and I simply tell them I don't know what is going on with him.  I have finally backed completely off and given him 100% to the Lord.  I've asked for my second chance.  I've asked for God to help him love me again.  Now I just thank God for all I've asked for and go on about my day.  I found when I stopped rehashing all the pain and negative thoughts I had, the less I was haunted at night by what I was powerless to change or what I had done wrong.  It is what it is and God is still God.   I don't see being still or waiting on God as giving up.  In my own personal struggle to release my husband to God, giving up seemed the easier path.  The fact that I pray for my husband and reaffirm daily that I love him, constantly kept him in my mind and thoughts and would some days become a torment that I would rather not have had, but I feel my heart healing even though my love hasn't changed.  I forced myself to stop dwelling on the negative and to just trust God that no matter what, He is in control, not me, not my husband.  There is a peace in finally knowing this that makes this struggle a little easier every day.  No, being still and waiting on God is not like giving up.  It's like giving to God what He has asked me to give and then stand back and let  Him do what only He can do.  When He is done, there will be no doubt God did it and all the glory will be His.  And no matter what God chooses to do, I know it will be for my good.  There is peace in that thought.

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