Collaborate without boundaries

An invitation

  • Comments 4

I had a weekly appointment with my counselor this evening. The last couple of weeks, I have left and not been in agreement with her. Last week, she told me that the bond between me and DH had basically already been broken, and tonight, she basically acted like I should disregard anything that DH said yesterday and face the fact that I am headed for divorce court. She told me that she didn’t want to rain on my parade, but that she had not heard anything that sounded like repentance from DH.  I agree, but I don’t think his heart is there yet. It may never be there. I think that my counselor is trying to protect me from running back to DH without any conditions.  If he wanted me back, I know that if I go back and things are the same, I will eventually end up in this same predicament.

I thought about it all day long, and I decided to invite DH over for dinner this coming Thursday. I sent him a text to ask if he would like to come have dinner at my house, that I would really love to see him. He sent me a text back that said “me?”.  I didn’t know what he meant at first, and I said “what?”.  He called me. He asked me if the invitation was meant for him. I said yes, and he stumbled around with his words a bit, saying that he was stunned, and then he finally said that he would be honored to come have dinner with me.  I asked him if he had any requests, and he laughed and said that anything I cooked would be great because it would be the best meal he’s had in weeks. I told him that if he thought of something, to let me know because I would be making a trip to the grocery store tomorrow. As I started to get off the phone, he called me by name and said thank you. Such formality!  It’s funny - like we were just beginning to date or something, saying he would be honored, and thanking me.  I think that it will give us an opportunity to continue our conversation from yesterday morning. I am trying not to get my hopes up.  I know even if DH has a change of heart, we are a long long way from truly being back together.  Love without expectation, right?!  
  • We hear or say have no expectations of our spouses.  Yet, that sometimes seems to lead us to not having any expectations of anything, and that can so easily filter down to the point where we forget to have expectations of God. But we do have to remember to have great expectations of God and His timing.  We may not get from Him what we want, but we will get from Him what is right.

    the bond between you and  him has been strained and is not where it should be obviously, but, that bond can not go away. He has the marriage written upon his DNA and can not escape that feeling of knowing he should reconcile with you.  But that gift of free will God gave us, that sure does foul up things, doesn't it.  If he chooses to use his free will to meet God's will, well, things surely can reconcile to become a better marriage than ever possible.

  • Your councelor probably has never seen anyone stand for a marriage like you before, and sees most people protect themselves from hurt by giving up on a marriage.  And that  is what she is accustomed to, and why she suggests giving up hope.  

    but, you are not  giving up hope in God, because you have faith in Him.  And with faith, hope follows.  Keep hoping in the Lord that His divine providence is there no matter what  he chooses to do.

    Maybe things will never reconcile, maybe a d will happen and things will reconcile a year from then, maybe he will end the proceedings.  In any case, just keep remembering a perfect future God has set aside for you.  

  • It's kind of funny.  He has seen patience and kindness from you for months and months when he figured you would be throwing daggers at him.  And now, even after all the kindness, he is still shocked at you showing more kindness by inviting him over for dinner.  

    when you continue to  shine Christ's light in the face of hurt and disappointment and being  let down, people  notice.  and your husband sees this light of Christ in you.

  • My therapist has told me the exact same thing about it being over. It's still hard to accept but free will gives our spouses the opportunity to do what they want regardless if it goes against God. Our therapists are trying to protect us for sure.

    Maybe you are beginning to date. Maybe this is what the relationship needed. Just go with it but don't let him control you. Make wise decisions.

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