Collaborate without boundaries

Guide my steps

  • Comments 7

Well, another Sunday, another text before church that I’ve got mail. Third Sunday in a row that DH has sent me a text before church that I have mail at his house. I sent him a text back that said I could pick it up either right after church or later in the afternoon when I took my dog to the groomer. He replied to give him a call. When I called, he said that his daughter and grandchildren were coming over early afternoon, and asked if I wanted to come by late afternoon. I told him that would be fine. He told me that he thought the mail was mostly junk mail, but that one or two pieces of it might be important. He asked how things were going. I simply said they were going. We chit chatted for another second or two, and I told him that I had pulled into the church parking lot. Before he would get off the phone, he told me that he needed to say something. He said that the reason he kept asking me if I was OK and how things are going is that he feels really terrible about what he’s doing. I told him that I appreciated his comment.  He told me that he missed me, and as he said it, his voice broke as if he were beginning to cry. I have never heard him cry, not even when his mother died. He said that he had better get off the phone, and I told him that I missed him too and that I would see him later this afternoon. Fast forward a couple of hours. I picked the dog up from the groomer, and we stopped by his house to pick up my mail.  He had already grilled chicken today, and said that he had some to give me and the dog. He already had it bagged up in Ziploc bags. He asked me if I wanted to stay and have a salad with him.  I think everything may have already been chopped up, but I told him no.  He packed the chicken up into a grocery sack together with a box of raisinets. I took the sack and walked into the den, and started putting the leash back on the dog. DH walked in there and as I was ready to go, he asked if I wanted to stay. I just looked at him, and he asked me again if I wanted to stay. I looked him in the eye and said “Well, what do you think my answer is?”, as if he should already know.  He said that he didn’t know, and that’s why he was asking. It then dawned on me what he was really asking. I told him that the answer was yes, and he stepped towards me and pulled me in tight and kissed me hard.  He actually kissed me with more passion than he has kissed me in probably 3 years.  One thing led to another, and for a while, we were just husband and wife, one flesh, as God intended.  I wish that time could have stood still, but all too soon it was time for me to go.  As I went to leave, he kissed me on the lips and told me to call him anytime.

I don’t know what to make of it. Maybe I made a mistake. He still plans to divorce me, because he as much said so this morning on the phone when he said that he feels terrible about what he’s doing. There was no talk of divorce tonight. It’s obvious that he misses me. I miss him too.  Again, I just don’t know what to think or what to do. I feel compelled over the next week or so to perhaps ask him to come have dinner with me at my house.  I’m just going to have to pray about what to do. I think that him missing me is good, that the Holy Spirit is using the distance. I don’t want to mess that up.  God, please guide my steps.  May my choices bring glory to you.
  • Do you think that the distance has really helped y’all because I’m having to go stay with my parents starting tomorrow and my wife says she doesn’t love me anymore and that she doesn’t think that the damage I’ve done to her will ever allow her to love me again.  She said she feels terrible that people go through so much more in a marriage then what I put her through for her feelings to change like they have and i don’t know if it’s just her wall being up or she genuinely doesn’t love me anymore

  • in prayer seek His wisdom on what to do and what not to do in all of this.  Who know, if he meant do you want to stay as in a few hours or stay forever.  I think he may know but does not have the courage to admit it.  His conscience is hurting, he feels God's conviction.  Keep letting God's conviction and His works affect your husband.  

    I think it is better to do less than to do more.  But, seek God's guidance on what is to much and what is not enough.

    So few people keep journaling at the point you and Linda are at, there isn't much to go by for me to know what to say.

  • He is making a mistake.  He knows it. He is pretty much admitting it.  He may be wanting you to spell it out for him. but, I don't know if that's what you should do at this point.  Maybe since you endured a season of this trial in pain the way God wanted you to, God is now using your suffering and adherence to His will for the good of your husband even more so.  

    In such a way as He is convicting Him and guiding him to feeling that he should back track in what he has done.

  • Obviously I dont know.  But I do as well as you know that God is working in him.

    Do make sure you rejoice in Christ in this.  And I know you want an answer from God on what's going on. But, this is still the time to have faith and patience with God and His timing.

    Your husband still has free will. but it seems that he is feeling the need to adapt his free will to God's will.  Even if he doesn't know that's what he is feeling.  Pray he begins to understand what God's will is for him in his life.  

  • I feel like i gave a pretty sloppy reply to you.  I guess this is not familiar territory to read here and is above my pay grade.

    If you feel anxiety over your thoughts of what to do, it probably is best to Be still....If you feel peace and calmness in what you may be thinking of doing or saying, then it may well be within God's will.

    I pray you are given the steps to take or not to take.  but surely rejoice in what is going on.  Even if you are unsure of what's taking place.

  • Really enjoy the good moments and let God you so much more enjoy Him all the time.

  • My anger my come out here but it really frustrates me when people say they are doing things they know is terrible but continue to do it. WELL DON'T DO IT. It's wrong. Fix it instead. UGGH!

    He is so obviously being convicted but your trust is shattered (possibly- I'm guessing here based on my own experience.) Now what does he expect you to do and what do you actually do? No answer here from me. Just a suggestion to continue to pray for DH and yourself. His conviction will NEVER go away.

    Did you make a mistake? That's only for you to decide. DH is your husband in God's eyes. DH is giving you food and making some kind of effort. I don't think inviting him to dinner is bad.

    To answer Howie's question, I DO think the distance is helping. DH is seeing life without you and it's not what he expected. Those good old expectations are not all they are cracked up to be.

    Howie- Read chapter 10 of The Five Love Languages. Love is a choice. You may not "feel" it all the time but the feeling follows the choice to love.

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