Collaborate without boundaries

Tears abound

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Today was one of the most difficult I have ever experienced.  My 40-year old step daughter stopped by the house.  She said that the purpose of her visit was to share her feelings with me.  She told me that the situation is awkward and that she is at a loss for words, both to me and to her dad.  She told me that I was a strong woman, probably the most strong she had ever known.  She said that she admired the stand that I had taken for my marriage and for her dad.  She said that I was a role model for marriage.  I cried and told her thank you.  I told her that I loved her daddy, and that it was not only awkward but also tragic.  I told her that I wished her daddy had been willing to go to marriage counseling, but that things are what they are.  Somehow she started talking about her dad's dependence on her, and it opened the door for me.  I had already discussed with one of my dear Christian friends the possibility of sharing with her (the truth in love) the fact that her dad had never been partners with me because he was still partnered to her.  I said that he is dependent on her.  I told her that I didn't mean that in a derogatory way.  I told her that in a way, I feel like our marriage was doomed from the beginning by how things were set up. I talked about how DH and I had separate finances, but that she was on his accounts and not me.  She had power of attorney for medical and finances.  DH is on her cell phone plan.  I said that each thing in isolation was a small thing but together had made it hard to be partners.  I am afraid that I offended her (good thing I didn't mention the Brazilian wax gift certificate).  She got a little defensive and said that she thinks how you handle things has a lot to do with your family and what's normal for them.  Maybe I shouldn't have said anything but my friend says I planted a seed of truth in a loving way.  I told her that the Bible says that you leave your parents to cleave to your spouse, and that I thought DH had a hard time leaving his singleness to cleave to me.  I still kinda wish i hadn't said anything but if it was wrong God can make it right.  I told her that the thought of waking up one day and never seeing her and the boys again was gut-wrenching.  She said it wouldn't be that way, that they would come see me.  I don't know that I believe that.  They lead very busy lives, but it was sweet of her to say.  I asked if I could say a prayer before she left.  I don't think she is a Christian or if so, very weak.  I thanked God for the opportunity and privilege to be a part of their family, and thanked Him for the love and acceptance that I had been shown.  I said that we live in a broken world, and that brokenness had found its way into our family.  I told God that He  knows the hurts this has caused, heard our cries, and counted our tears.  I asked Him to heal our hurts.  I asked a blessing on her and her family, that God would guide them down paths that would serve and honor Him.  I prayed for her daddy, saying that we both loved him very much and want what is best for him - not what I think, or his daughter thinks, or even what DH thinks, but what God thinks is best for him.  I said amen and told her I loved her.  She stood up and said she wanted to give me a hug.  We embraced as we cried.  She looked me in the eye and told me everything would be ok.  I told her I loved her and she left.  I said goodbye to my family today. Tears abound.


The flooring was laid in my house today.  I am very happy with it, but it doesn't change the fact that I don't want to move back there.  The fact it was completed today caused reality to dig its knife in just a little bit deeper today.  Tears abound.


  • Grieve, let the tears flow, and feel the loss when you need to.  Jesus hurt terribly when his friend died and other times.  Tearing up does not  mean you don't  know that God is  in control and  will  take care of you.  But just don't  let the grief take you from keeping God first and trusting Him. And I am  sure you won't.

  • I think the daughter took it well in what you said.  Otherwise how she left wouldn't have been so touching.  

    God gave you a gift through her in that you got acknowledgement on how strong of a testimony you provided to her and others.  Thank God you have shined His light so strongly.

    I think it was fine and I am sure good that you shared how he clung to her.  It will help her in her family.  and also be helpful to your husband in the future to if she chooses to back off some.  She may have been shocked a bit by it but she knows you shared the truth.  and we are to correct people's actions to bring them closer to God's will.  You did that.  In a loving way.  Be at peace in all you said and  did.

  • Feel free to be the first one of  you and her to reach out.  Invite her and the family over to see the house and the new floors.  

  • I imagine it was a very difficult conversation to try to tell the truth in a loving way. I can empathize. Maybe with this new information she can take time to think more about her dad's dependency on her. I think this was a positive thing set up by God. Your light and shining example had to be a good thing for her to see.

    Brokenness has found its way into a lot of families. I believe satan's mission is to destroy families. It is the most simple way to destroy civilization. Start from the foundation- the family.

    I know that every step toward separation is painful. I still hold on to hope even though it is nearly inevitable that my wife is going to leave. Many people think I'm crazy to think like that but I can't let go of that hope. Neither should you.

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