Collaborate without boundaries

R4D27. Struggling

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After completing 3 rounds, I am finding it difficult to do some of these dares again.  I have considered in past rounds the various ways that I placed unrealistic expectations on DH - I expected him to do things the way I would want them done/do them.  That’s the primary unrealistic expectation I had to ask forgiveness for.  It was selfish.  I have asked God to open my eyes to unrealistic expectations that I may still have of him.  I have really tried to just let go of expectations that I might have of him.  One expectation that I have (which I don’t think is necessarily unreasonable) is that he will take care of his health.  I was in the hall bathroom getting ready this morning, and overheard DH call the doctors office and cancel the cystoscopy that was scheduled for tomorrow.  They must have asked him if he wanted to reschedule because I heard him say no, that he would just have to call them on that.  I am devastated.  I am hurt that he didn’t discuss it with me, and hurt that he cancelled the procedure.  If we end up divorced, it would have given me a little peace of mind to know that everything is ok. I don’t know if he knew I heard the conversation or not.  I wasn’t eavesdropping, but I don’t think he knew I could hear.  I haven’t mentioned it to him, and he hasn’t said anything.  I think he will just go about tomorrow as usual and never mention it.  He probably hasn’t/won’t mention it because he knows I would disagree with his decision.  I don’t really know how to handle it at this point, if I should say anything or just let it drop.

For really the first time in this journey, I am struggling with not wanting to be here anymore.  It’s weird - I don’t want to move out but I don’t want to stay either.   But I know that God doesn’t want me to leave yet. He wants me to continue to show His love to DH.   Obedience, patience, love - the 3 words that God gave me in the beginning - those remain the same.  But my heart is changing.  I am struggling to remain in the appreciation room.  I know I must lead my heart back to appreciation.  
  • Lead your heart.  And it can be even tough to lead it to the appreciation room.  So, if you just can't open the door right now to the appreciation room, lead the heart regardless so that love is shown through patience and kindness.

    We are to love all our brothers and sisters.  Even the  most monstrous person on death row that has shown nothing you could put in the  appreciation room we are to love.  So if we can love this miserable brother, we can certainly love our spouses even if we cant' find the appreciation room.

  • Often when we get settled in during this trial and the shock has worn off and we begin to find comfort in Christ, we then begin to get comfortable and this can lead to us wanting to slack off in doing the dares and also in us wanting the marriage or even caring if a d happens.  But, that is us taking  for  granted Jesus again.  We got what we wanted, peace through Him, then when we get it we say we are okay and comfortable, so we will let our flesh choose not to want to love our spouse.

  • so then it becomes crucial to lead your heart and know it's God's will for us to stand for the marriage no matter what  the spouse does.  And when you do that, a new growth and endurance in Christ occurs.

    For then you are standing even more so for Christ vs for your desire of not wanting a d.

    Ugh, hope this makes sense, never sure if my thoughts come across right.  

  • About canceling the appointment and if you should  bring it up. The thought came to me about protecting our spouses secrets, except if they are harmful.  For him  to cancel his appointment is harmful.

    Seek wisdom in how to handle  this through prayer.  Maybe your husband just wanted to postpone till after the first of the year.  He has free will and you can't pick him up off the ground and throw him into the car to take him, but in prayer may you find your answer how to deal with this.  

  • If this was your first or second round, I would say to do the dares, each one, a  dare a day.  But being your fourth round, make sure you at least read the dares and attempt most or many of them.  At least till you finish this round.  

  • You can have no expectations because there is absolutely no way for you to control another person. You worry about his health so you need to pray for it. It's 100% his choice though. You cannot expect him to go to the doctor. You, yourself, can give in completely to God and let Him control your life and shine as a Christian example to DH and the rest of the world.

    I think you should be honest. Tell him you weren't eavesdropping but you DID overhear his conversation and it worries you.

    I struggle with the exact same thing and I'm only on the first round day 37. I know it would be much easier to walk away but I can't because that is not what God wants. So we must obey our Lord and let our spouses dictate the path of the relationship right now. They are our spouses and we made a commitment to them. If they sever that it's on them, not us. Stay strong.

    "Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices."

    Colossians 3:9

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