Collaborate without boundaries

R4D15 Spouse-honoring yard work

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I was sitting inside this afternoon reading through some sales ads, and DH asked me to come out to the front porch.  When I got out there, he had been trimming dead limbs out of a dogwood tree.  He wanted my opinion.  It was very cold outside, and after being out for just a couple of minutes, I couldn't take it any longer.  I told him that I was going to grab a coat and would be back out.  I stayed with him until he finished, helped hold some limbs while he cut, and volunteered to help drag the limbs to the street.  I don't know if that exactly showed honor, but I hope he noticed my willingness to help.

I am really struggling as I type this out.  DH is in the next room, and has the dog in bed with him.  She was my dog before we got married.  First, I am struggling because the dog is in his bed and I am not.  Second, I am afraid he will leave her there all night.  The bed is too high for her to safely jump off of, and she will if she needs to potty during the night.  He said he would put her in the crate, which now stays in his bedroom at night.  I hope that he will.  She is safer there.  I shouldn't have said it the way I did, but the last thing I said on my way to bed was "don't let her sleep in the bed".  It was not said angrily or anything like that, was just mainly a request, but just the words themselves are more like a command.  I could have said that better.  Sometimes when I do things like that, it makes me think that maybe I am totally awful and that he hasn't seen enough change in me.  Well, I have got to get some sleep.  DH and I have to be at the hospital at 6am tomorrow morning for a follow-up colonoscopy (he was diagnosed with what they called stage 0 colon cancer in April 2015, and then again this past May, right before he told me he wants a divorce).  
  • Yes, I believe helping him is honor. Husbands like shoulder-to-shoulder activity. I learned that in a book I recently read on Respect (for husbands & wives). by Dr. Eggerich. Excellent read. Just apoligize in the morning if you felt like you commanded him. Be easy on yourself. You are not awful. You make mistakes which can be under the blood of Jesus when you ask. You are a child of God. You are loved by God. I will be praying your husband's test goes well. Sleep well.

  • consider if you stated those words like that  because you were feeling a little more  comfortable in this  trial.  If so, this may have shown a little slip in your walk in Christ.  I am not saying this is true at all, but consider it.

    It is good you saw after the fact that you could have stated it a little kinder.  but, look back at before the dares and if you said it  the same  way, you probably would not have  even thought of it as a command.  So, be thankful in Christ that good changes have taken place in you.  

  • Great job helping with those limbs. I'm sure it was a tremendous help and he had to notice you were cold and really putting forth effort. That kind of sacrifice is great.

    Thinking about what you said about putting the dog in the crate is a great way to think. You are putting your husband before yourself. You are thinking what he would want. Like Peggy says, apologize to your husband if you felt conviction over how you said it. Ask him if he thought it was too demanding and if there is another way you could have said it.

    Think about your motive for wanting the dog in the crate too. I know I have went back and analyzed my motives for a lot of things I've done or said and almost every time I find that I was being selfish.

    "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,"

    Philippians 2:3

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