Collaborate without boundaries

R4D12 Letting him win...

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I cannot think of anything that DH and I disagree on for which I can honor his preference.  I have a feeling there are things that DH dislikes or disagrees with, but won't communicate those to me, so I don't have much to work with.   I prayed that God will help me to recognize opportunities to let DH win.

There was a surprise waiting for me when I got home from work this evening. DH took today and tomorrow off from work, and has gone hunting with his brother.  When I got home, the little package of three cookies that I picked up for DH a couple of days ago was laying on the kitchen counter, empty. DH had taken an ink pen and written Yum Yum Yum on the front of the package!  That is something like he would have done when we were dating. For someone who wants a divorce, he sure has been attentive this week.  Washed the dishes, sent me a text to let me know when he was leaving town, sent me another text to let me know he arrived at the farm, called me twice this evening.  It messes with my emotions.  Speaking of emotions, I have felt uneasy about telling DH I want to go to my sister's.  I meant to last night, but we were having a nice evening, and I couldn't.  Couldn't do it this morning either.  I called a very mature Christian friend of mine tonight and she made a wise observation.  She said that she feels like I am battling DH's wife.  I knew exactly what she meant when she said it.  After my 1st divorce, it was 20 years of just me.  I made all my own decisions without having to take anyone else into consideration.  And now, rather than acting in the capacity of DH's wife, I am acting like just me.  I am still DH's wife, and it is disrespectful of me to announce I am going to my sister's without asking for his input and thoughts first.  I still believe that I need the time away - but I am going to get DH's input.  I am also going to tell him that I just haven't been able to figure out how to handle Christmas and ask for his thoughts.  I know him - he will just tell me to do what ever I want or am comfortable with.  I put up our Christmas tree this evening.  I hope he likes it when he gets home tomorrow night.
  • Like God covers our mistakes, maybe he is trying to  cover his own mistakes by the kind things he is doing.  no matter what he does as far as kindness or his past words that were unkind, you lead your  emotions.  He  needs to see you stay consistent, and this will shine Christ's light, which he will see, but yet not  recognize what it is.

  • I know you said you were at peace with the decision to go. But, and I am so often wrong, but to me, you were/are trying to convince yourself you are okay with the decision.  and that you are feeling the conviction when it comes to the  moment of telling him.  

  • Make sure you are not following your emotions of wanting to go to escape the stress of this trial or your husband's contradictory behavior.  And trying to justify it is okay to leave your husband on Christmas.  Is that showing him you want to be his wife?  Does  this show unity?

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